I Only Want You for One Night

I awoke from a horrible nightmare involving Bill and I in a vat of acid and saran wrap, which made me make a vow to never read The Supernaturalists again, at ten o’clock on the dot. I rubbed my eyes and got out of bed, stretching and hearing my back pop a few times.

I walked out of the bedroom I slept in and looked at Bill in our room from the doorway for a good ten minutes. He was so beautiful, so perfect, and I couldn’t understand how he thought I could just throw him aside. He was my world, my everything, my second half, the piece that completed me. I was nothing without him, a shell of a person.

A nobody.

I knew Bill was a heavy sleeper, so I walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. “Good morning, Bill,” I whispered, staring at his beauty. “I’m sorry for the way I acted. I just, I was tired after working so hard on your special night. You’re going to get that tonight, I swear you will.”

I heard my phone ring. My alarm. Dammit…

I gently kissed Bill’s cheek. “I love you so much, Bill. Please don’t give up on me.”

I got off the bed and walked back into the room I slept in to get dressed.

Once fully clothed, I scribbled out a quick note to Bill so he wouldn’t think I left him for good or anything.

Going out with Alice, it was short notice. I’m sorry about last night, babe, I love you. –Tom

I left it on the counter where I knew he would see it and walked out the door, texting Alice to let her know I was on my way.

~+~

You know that feeling you get when you feel genuinely irritated by something?

Like when hair keeps falling in your face when you don’t want it to?

That kind of irritating.

I was currently feeling that.

“Alice, for the last time, I am not lying on the bed naked, because knowing Bill, the bedroom would be the very last place he looked.”

She sighed angrily. “It would be a really sexy, like a sex-driven gesture!”

I gave her the middle finger, then began to suck on it. “That is a sex-driven gesture, not me lying in my birthday suit on the bed. I’d like fall asleep or something if I were to lie on that bed.”

Alice rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat, pissed off. “You had better do it.”

“Alice, is this night for you?”

“If it is, then you’re got some issues to work out.”

“Alice.”

“No, this night isn’t for me!”

“Then let me do my own thing, okay? I know what Bill likes and I know what I can accomplish.”

She made a defeated noise and looked at her watch. “Tom? How are you going to get Bill out of the house?”

I hadn't thought about this. “Hmm. Maybe he’ll leave on his own.”

She raised her eyebrow at me. “He’s got access to Internet, Xbox, satellite TV, a full kitchen, and a piano.”

“Keyboard, not piano,” I corrected.

“He’s not going anywhere.”

I opened my mouth to respond, then stopped.

She was right, of course. Bill was a homebody through and through. If he could find anything to entertain himself with, whether it be redecorating the apartment or making a necklace out of paperclips, he would stay put.

Fuck.

“Alice, we have a problem.”

She tapped her fingernails, which she had painted a blinding neon green color, against the table as she thought. “Maybe I can have Giselle call him, keep him occupied at her place.”

I blinked. “She got her own place?” Last I had checked, they still lived together.

“Yeah, she did. I’m too much of a neat freak for her, apparently.”

“Wanna clean our apartment?”

“Do you want your underwear drawer color coordinated?”

I thought about it. “Nah, I’m good.”

She laughed. “Just, call your apartment, see if he is home.”

I nodded. I blocked the call so he would answer if he was home (I had a feeling that he wouldn’t if he knew it was me) and pressed call.

The phone rang and rang. Eventually, I got the answering machine, so I pressed the End button.

“He’s… he’s not home.”

She stared at me. “He’s not?!”

“Nope. Nothing but the answering machine. Bill’s already out.”

She nodded. “Well, you’d better get started then. Go on, make your apartment all sexified.”

I laughed, then placed a quick kiss on her cheek. “Thank you for everything, Alice, I owe you big time.”

She waved with her fingers. “Bye Tom.”

I smiled and walked out of the bookstore, heading in the direction of home.

I may have needed this more than Bill.

~+~

Okay this was harder than I thought.

My meticulous nature kicked in, and no matter what I did with anything, it pissed me off. I couldn’t figure out what to do with the damn candles.

And then it came to me about thirty minutes after pulling them out of their boxes.

Put one in front of each picture so that the pictures would glow a little when the candles were lit.

But that still left the matter of what to do with everything else.

I eventually figured it all out, and I was making it perfect.

The roses were the easiest to figure out. There was this strange square vase thing that we had somehow acquired when we moved, so I put about four in there. Then I took a few more and put them in front of the candles on their sides. I put a few in the bedroom, then put one in bathroom next to the bathtub, which I would fill with water later.

How would I keep it from going cold, you ask?

Why, that is an easy question.

Simply fill it with hot water. It’ll cool down on it’s own, and when you used it, it would be the perfect temperature.

I asked Alice about it.

I was finished replacing the regular light bulbs with those weird red ones that made me feel as if I was in a dark room but still made me feel a bit turned on as well. That task took about ten minutes, as the only ones I replaced were the lights in the living room.

I went into the bathroom and started to light the candles. I turned the facet on, waited for it to steam, then plugged the tub and poured very generous amounts of bubble bath into the water, making sure there wasn’t just a huge bubble mountain in one spot.

Have you ever had that happen? You go to make a bubble bath, pour the bubbles in, leave for a second, then come back to find that you have to rake the bubbles all around the bath because they didn’t move.

It’s irritating.

I breathed in the scent of vanilla, Bill’s favorite, from the candles that were burning. I felt myself smile as I thought of him.

I pulled out my phone as I waited for the stupid, slow bath to fill and texted Bill.

I was almost ready, and it was just around five.

Where are you, you’ve been gone all day!

I tried to make it sound sexy, like I was trying to seduce him into coming home like a siren or something.

He must not have taken it that way, though, or he was still upset, because this is what I received.

Wouldn’t you like to know!

I was more than a bit stunned. Was he doing something that would hurt me, and he didn’t want to tell me?

I sighed and brushed it off to nerves. Bill would never do that, he was just on edge.

I was going to take off that edge for him.

What? w/e, just come home. I have a surprise for you.

There, I felt I was being seductive enough.

I put the phone back in my pocket and smoothed out the bubbles. I went into the kitchen to get the candies, big yummy chocolate covered cherries that Alice had somehow managed to find in a big, heart shaped red box. I had to commend her on this. It was nowhere near Valentine’s Day, so I would have figured these impossible to find.

I turned off the water when the bubbles were two inches from the edge of the tub and walked out of the bathroom, satisfied.

The stupidly slow tub had sapped half an hour of my time, and Bill hadn't come back yet.

I was starting to worry, but I figured I’d make myself presentable to Bill.

I walked into our room and searched through my clothes, finding that outfit I wore on… well, that night.

I remembered he liked them on me, so I decided I’d go with the darkwash jeans and the slightly tighter shirt. Just another way to prove my love…

I sprayed myself with cologne, the kind Bill liked best, and suddenly remembered the rose petals.

“Shit,” I murmured to no one in particular but myself. I hurried to spread them out everywhere, the floor, hallway, duvet, on top of the bubbles, pretty much everywhere that didn’t look tacky, and as I did, I thought about what could happen…

Bill walked through the door, his face lighting up in ecstatic shock. “Tom… is this… you did all of this?”

I walked over to him, a glass of champagne in each hand. The red light made his eyes burn and smolder. “Everything. This is why I was with Alice all the time, she helped me plan this. I had to tell her about us, or else she would have kicked my ass.”

“Why?” he asked as I handed him a glass.

“She tried to sex me up.”

He giggled slightly, then sighed. “God, Tom, I feel horrible for believing that you would cheat on me. I was just scared, but this… this shows you really do love me.”

He sipped at the champagne, not taking his eyes off of me.

I smiled and took his hand in mine. “I know I’ve been a real jerk to you in the last month or so, and I felt I had to make it up to you. Tonight, baby, to me, there’s nobody else in the world but you. And I’m going to make you feel like royalty.”

He gave me a coy look. “Why royalty?”

“Because you rule my heart.”

He smiled, took my glass out of my hand, and set both his and my glass down. He turned to me and wrapped his arms around my body, and kissed me slowly, passionately. I tasted the champagne on his tongue, felt his pulse quicken as I kissed him back.

I smiled like a dork to myself as I put the last petals on the bed. I hummed to myself as I walked down the hall to the kitchen, intent on getting that champagne out.

It had been a good while since I had texted Bill and I was starting to worry. I tried not to dwell on it as I got the champagne and glasses.

My phone started to ring. I picked it up. The caller ID said Alice.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I answered. “Hey Alice, what’s going on?”

“Tom, I… I don’t know how to tell you this.”

I chuckled. “What happened? Did you see Bill and let it slip what I was doing?”

“Oh, I saw Bill all right, but I didn’t let anything slip.”

“Then what, does he already know? Damn, I was all ready to surprise him. Maybe I should meet him at the door naked, that would surprise him.” I laughed again.

“Tom, would you shut up and listen to me for a second? This is serious!”

I did as she said. She sounded genuinely upset, so I knew I had to listen to her.

“You have my attention.”

“Well, I decided that after I got off of work, I’d go see Giselle and hang out with her. Well, I pulled up in front of her apartment complex and saw Bill walking out.”

I picked up one of the champagne glasses and examined it, making sure it was perfect. “Yeah, and? We thought he should go over there anyway.”

“That’s not all, Tom. His hair was a mess, and he looked really jumpy but sort of… I don’t know.”

I paused in my glass inspection. “Alice…”

“And I was curious so I… I went into Giselle’s place and found her in her robe, making a cup of coffee, as happy as I had ever seen her. I asked her why she was so happy, and she said that… she said that she and Bill…” I heard her breath hitch.

My blood ran cold. I felt lightheaded.

“I’m so sorry, Tom, but she said they slept together.”

There was a distant sound of crystal shattering. I had dropped the champagne glass.

My legs gave out under me and I fell to the floor. This couldn’t happen, this was beyond unthinkable…

“You had a right to know. I’m sorry.”

“Alice,” I choked out. I only now realized that my eyes were flooding. “I have to go.”

I could almost sense her nodding. “I understand completely. I’m so sorry.”

She hung up before I did. I didn’t press the end button. No, I just let the phone fall out of my hand onto the floor with the broken pieces of glass.

Bill…

He and Giselle…

He accused me, then went out and…

This, this was revenge on his part.

He wanted back at me for something that I didn’t even do.

I loved him so much…

I bit my lip and stood up.

And wrecked everything.

I blew out all the candles and shoved them, along with the pictures off the shelf they were on. I pushed over the coffee table, ripped the cushions off of the couch and threw them everywhere. I went into the bathroom and threw all of the candles into bathtub, then picked up the chocolates and threw them as hard as I could at the mirror.

A long crack appeared in the middle of it and I realized the box had a metal bottom to it.

Finally, the bedroom.

I pulled each layer off carefully, the comforter, middle blanket, top sheet, bottom sheet, pillows, and threw them everywhere, then I pushed the mattress halfway off its frame.

I grabbed two suitcases and shoved everything he owned, like clothes and toiletries, inside helter-skelter, knowing what I was doing. Whatever didn’t fit inside, I just threw back into the closet.

I pulled them into the living room and set them by the door, feeling my hands shake.

This hurt more than anything. This was a jagged, rusty knife shoved straight through my heart, pulled back out, and then shoved in again. I was bleeding, and the only person who could help me was the person who had stabbed me in the first place.

My life had no meaning, no purpose, and no reason. I felt hollow, like one of those little dolls that could be pulled apart, then had more dolls in them, except I was the only one. Pull me apart and there was nothing in me, just air and a strange, non-functioning thing that was once a heart.

I had to fill myself, and I only knew one way how.

I pulled open our pantry and searched through it frantically. When my fingers finally closed around the cool glass neck of the bottle vodka I had been looking for, I felt like a failure.

Yet I still needed it.

I ripped the lid off and swallowed three mouthfuls in one go. It stung and burned my throat but it filled me, making me feel not as hollow.

I walked over to the sink and took another long drink, feeling myself die.

“I love you so much, Bill, I love you so much,” I cried softly, hearing my tears hit the empty surface of the sink.

~+~

The door opened. I had finished most of the bottle and I had gone from just plain destroyed to destroyed and pissed off beyond all belief.

I took another long drink and slammed it down on the counter, sensing Bill jump as the loud noise caught him off guard.

“Tom… was this for me?” he asked timidly, like he couldn’t believe what he had thrown away.

“It was,” I said coldly and firmly, letting the hurt and anger fill my voice. My teeth remained clenched.

“Was? What do you mean it was?”

“Alice called me…” I paused. “She said she saw you coming out of Giselle’s apartment with messed up hair…”

I could almost hear him thinking of an excuse.

“She went inside to talk to Giselle, who was happy and said the two of you… slept together.” My voice was cold. I put as much contempt in those last two words as I could muster.

“Tom, I…” he started. I heard his footsteps. He was walking towards me.

I held up a hand. “Nein, Bill, I don’t want to hear it. I know what happened.”

His eyes turned to pain. “I had every right to do what I did because you were cheating on me with Alice!”

I finally turned and looked at him. He looked mortified by my expression, my hurt, glaring eyes. “Why would you think that?! Bill I fucking love you!”

“You were out with her everyday for hours with no explanation!”

He did have a point, but I could maneuver it. “I know, I should have fucking told you. But I was planning this for you! I was going to love you and pamper you because I’ve been neglecting you. I knew the lack of sex was getting to you but never would I believe you’d look elsewhere for it.” I tried not to cry. “I thought you loved me. You said you loved me...”

“I…”

“You don’t love me, I understand.” I understand, and I hate it. “You little…” Adorable, sweet, beautiful, amazing creature that hurt me so deeply. I clenched my fists. My expression became helpless. I gave up.

A rogue tear fell down my cheek. “Get out.”

“W-what?”

“Get out! Get out of here now!”

“Tom, just let me…”

In a split-second decision, I got a good grip on the bottle and threw it at him. He ducked just in time. It shattered against the wall, the pieces scattering across the floor, the last of the clear poison dripping down the walls.

“I never want to see you again!” I screamed at him.

No, no, wait, that’s a lie! I want to see you all day, every day! I want you to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night, for as long as we both live!

I watched him as he turned away from me with as much pain in his eyes as mine, grabbed the suitcases, and walked out of the door.

I fell to my knees and started to sob. I was doubled over and clutching my stomach, crying harder than I had ever cried in my life.

This was the end.

I lay on my side, there, in the middle of the floor, and curled myself into the fetal position.

With the red lights still on, I felt as if I was in a nightmare. A surreal nightmare.

There, on the floor, I cried myself to sleep.

Completely and utterly dead.