I Only Want You for One Night

"I’m still undecided on whether I should be happy for you or laughing at you because your sperm count is low."

Bill rolled his eyes. "This has absolutely nothing to do with my sperm count, I come magnificently."

"I can attest to this," I piped up.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "Because I wanted to know about what happens in your guys’ bed. And that doesn’t count for anything, a sperm count below a million can be considered sterile."

Bill’s eyes widened. "Shit, really?"

"Think about it, Bill," I said, gesturing with my fork. "Sperm are small little dudes. A million altogether could be like… what comes out beforehand."

Bill pursed his lips. "Ew."

"This conversation reminds me of Austin Powers," Alice finally said. We both stared at her. "Oh come on! Dr. Evil’s submarine joke! It’s long, it’s hard, and it’s full of sea men!"

Bill started laughing. "Oh I have to remember that."

"I saw a funny comic the other day, just this stupid little picture, and it had an egg and a bunch of sperm swimming towards it, and there was one sperm way ahead of all the others, and it had an arrow that pointed to it that said ‘Michael Phelps.’ Funny," Alice said, smiling.

Bill and I looked at each other.

"Michael Phelps?" Bill asked.

Alice’s jaw dropped. "Didn’t you two watch the Olympics?"

"We were sort of touring at the time, Alice, and we’ve never really been too enthused over the Olympics."

Alice sighed. "Michael Phelps is the American swimmer who broke a ton of records and won eight gold medals, one of them won by like a thousandth of a second."

I scoffed. "Well, no wonder we don’t know him, he’s American! We don’t know American shit."

"But, Tom, we were in America that time. Surely we must have heard of him at least once," Bill said, tilting his head to the side.

"You’re not helping my argument, Bill."

"Sorry."

Bill, Alice, and I were sitting in her apartment, eating Königsberger Klopse and mashed potatoes, which Alice said she made especially for Bill, which got him all excited. Alice had decided that it was her job to hear everything from us and catch up, and, of course, make fun of Bill’s low sperm count.

Poor guy.

And she had made us swear that no details of the past week were to be embellished because, knowing us, we would embellish until our tongues fell out and Alice would not like it.

"So, besides finding out you can’t come properly, what else is new?" Alice asked, smiling as she put a little salt on her potatoes.

Bill smirked. "I got a new tattoo."

Alice’s eyes went wide. "And you didn’t think it was important to tell me?! Come on, details, where is it, what is it, what does it mean, tell me everything!"

Bill smiled. "Well, it goes from here." He touched right below his armpit. "And ends here." He put a hand on his hip.

Alice’s eyes widened. "Jesus Christ, did you cry at all?"

"Almost. I felt the needles like they were right on my ribs and that was awful. It says two things. The first phrase goes straight down and says ‘we’ll never stop screaming.’ The second phrase twists around it a little bit and says ‘We’re going back to our roots.’ It’s kind of a thing for me, but also for the rest of our group, too, like, it’s like saying ‘let’s make it simple’ and that kind of stuff."

"Well, come on, pretty boy, let me see!"

Bill rolled his eyes and stood up, pulling his jeans down slightly and pulling his shirt up high. I put a hand on his belt, helping him hold his jeans down.

I was so glad that Alice knew about us or the hickey right in-between his nipple and the first curve of the phrase would have been very, very hard to explain.

"Okay, first off," Alice said, tapping the hickey. "You’re both dirty perverts."

Bill and I looked at each other sheepishly, blushing. Three days and Bill could finally walk right.

"And second off, sweet tat, man. I really like it, the curvy letters are so you."

"Thank you darling."

Bill sat back down and leaned his head on my shoulder, munching away happily on his food.

"So, what are your guys’ plans for New Year’s?"

Before I could get a word out, Bill spoke. "We’re going to the Maldives again and we’re going to have a blast."

"Bit sure of that plan, aren’t you?" I said, looking at him.

"What do you mean?"

"What if I don’t want to go to the Maldives again?"

Bill raised an eyebrow. "And what? Miss out on a chance to fuck in those nice beds?"

"Too much information!" Alice shouted, covering her ears. "La, la, la, la, I can’t hear you!"

"You do have a point, my brother. I agree, the Maldives it is."

"You done yet?" Alice asked, pulling a hand away from her ear.

"God, Tom, I can’t wait for you to slam into my spot so hard I see stars," Bill said, looking up at the ceiling
with a dreamy look.

Alice wailed again and clamped her hands over her ears again.

"Was that necessary?"

"No, but it was funny."

"Fair point."

I looked back over at Alice, who had her eyes covered now as well. Things just never got boring with that girl, that was for sure.

~+~

"Stop messing with it."

"I can’t help it."

"Bill, I really hope you know what this entails."

"I grew up with you, didn’t I? I think I still have wax residue under my fingernails from helping you with your hair. Do you smell barbecue?"

"Yes, but we’re on an island, barbecue is bound to exist somewhere. Stop messing with your hair."

"I can’t help it, it’s all so new."

"You’ve had them for like two weeks! How much time does it take you to get used to them?"

Bill smiled and ran his hand through his newly dreaded hair for the tenth time in three seconds. I’m not sure what possessed him to do it. One day he decided that he wanted dreads, so I, being a good brother, drove him to his hair appointment to get them done. Mom nearly shit a brick when we came over for Christmas but soon became sane again when Gordon joked that we were definitely going back to our roots and that soon I’d be wearing eyeliner and we’d have to wear shirts with our names on them again.

I think Mom shot wine out of her nose, she laughed so hard.

I do think that Bill’s sudden hair change decision was starting to affect me. I had been fiddling with my dreads as of late, thinking about what I could do with them while still keeping them. Not many possibilities presented themselves but I remained optimistic.

Bill suddenly grabbed my wrist. "Tom, Tom, look at this cute little shop! It wasn’t here last year, we need to check it out!"

I let myself be dragged along as Bill ran towards the shop. He pushed the door open and nearly squealed.

"Tomi, look! All these pretty island things, jewelry, hair clips, knick-knacks, oh, Momma would love this little crab! Come on, Tom, pick something out!"

I had never seen Bill so excited by cheap souvenirs before in my life. That’s not to say I didn’t find it incredibly cute, but still, it was a bit odd. I humored him, and began to simply look around for no reason, without any intention of buying something for myself, when my eyes strolled across a display of leather cuffs with tribal designs on them. I walked over and began looking at them when Bill came up behind me.

"Oh, those are so cool! I wonder who made them? They look handmade! I want one too!"

I guess you really did have to buy two of everything when you’re a twin.

We bought mostly what Bill wanted and then walked out of the store. Boldly, Bill slid his hand into mine and gripped tightly.

"What if someone sees?" I asked hesitantly, eyes darting around.

"Let them. I’m not allowed to hold my brother’s hand?"

For this, I had no argument, which was weird.

He smiled. "Come on, I want food. And when I get food, I can get energy. What do you think I’m going to do with it?"

I knew the answer but felt like making him say it anyway. "What are you going to do with it?"

He got right next to my ear. His answer was a bit more creative than I imagined. "Oh, you’ll see.”

~+~

Horny Bill is a very, very bossy Bill. I just thought I’d let you all know that right now. If he and his dick want attention, there’s pretty much nothing stopping him from getting what he wants.

Except, you know, if he thinks I’ll reject him but we are so passed that roadblock. But, still, I like to make him work for what he wants.

Bill hadn’t even taken off his sunglasses before diving into the pure white sheets of the queen-sized bed, the thick duvet fluffing up around him. I rolled my eyes and went and stood at the foot at the bed.

“You’re such a child.”

Bill looked up at me, smiling. “Aw, come on Tom! You know you want to sink into these gorgeous sheets with me.” He rolled over onto his stomach and nuzzled into a pillow. “Mm, so soft and they smell clean and wonderful.”

I raised an eyebrow to the way Bill had twisted himself around the sheets and pillows. He had problems with subtlety, it seemed. “You can’t be serious, Bill. We just got off a flight and out of a boat and car. I’m way too tired to do anything but sit on the beach and chill.”

Bill made a noise. I reached down and pinched his ankle. “Forget it.”

“To-om!“

“Absolutely not, Bill. Now, I’m going to get my trunks on, and I am going to the beach. You can join me if you want to.”

I turned to go to my suitcase. There was a ruffle of sheets, and I should have been smart enough to brace myself.

Why am I never smart enough to brace myself?

Bill jumped off the bed with a noise that sounded like a war cry, latched onto me like a starfish, and sent us both flying to the ground. I felt the wind get knocked out of me as Bill latched on so tightly I thought my ribs would fracture.

Why was I cursed so.

“What the fuck, Bill, get off of me! I said no!” I wheezed out, trying to pull apart my brother’s arms to no avail. Each hand had gripped the other side’s upper arm and he was gripping tight. He wasn’t letting go.

“And I said yes! I’m horny as hell, we haven’t had sex in two days, now pound me into those sheets like the apocalypse is upon us!”

“Get off me!”

“Get me off!”

I wriggled around in his grip, faced him, then pinned him under me. “You stubborn little brat! Let go of me, I said I wasn’t in the mood!”

“And my libido is raging!”

“Go fuck yourself, you suffocating bitch.”

“I’d rather you did it for me, jerk!”

“This vacation was pointless, all we’ll do is fight because you’re a spoiled bitch!”

“Then why don’t we just go home, you impotent asshole!”

“Why don’t we!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

We stared at each other for a moment, expressions furious, before I crushed my lips onto his, kissing him fiercely. He kissed back just as fervently, grabbing at anything on me that he could.

He broke away after a moment, panting. “Bed?”

“Yeah, that’s a good option.”

I pushed Bill up and over to the bed, but he pushed me down on the bed and straddled my waist, attaching his mouth to every available piece of skin he could find while he undid my belt. He started tugging on it and I lifted my hips up; he ripped it almost violently out of the belt loops and threw it so it hit the wall, then met my mouth with his in an open-mouthed kiss, our tongues clashing. He yanked my shirt up and off and started trailing down my torso, planting kisses everywhere he went. He kissed a line across the top of my jeans and I pulled off his shirt, running my hands through his dreads as he attached his mouth to one of my nipples.

I hissed. "You and that fucking stud. I’m sorry for ever making fun of it."

Bill lightly bit down and I hissed again. "Mm, you’re forgiven. I know you love it now."

"Jesus Christ, do I."

Bill went up to my neck and bit at it once before scooting back to my hips and straddling me not-so-innocent looking. He started to gently massage my stomach.

"The way I see it, we have a few options. Option one: I ride you like the stallion you are."

"No objections."

"Option two." He put his hands up to his waist and slowly undid his jeans. "I can let you pound into me like I’m being punished."

"Also no objections."

"Option three: we can simply jerk each other off."

"Nyeah…"

"You’ll hate option four. Option four." He carefully pulled his jeans down past his knees, trying to do so without looking awkward. "Sixty-nine."

"Um…"

"Yeah, I don’t like it either," he laughed, undoing the button on my jeans.

"Is there a last option?"

Bill smiled devilishly and hooked his index fingers under the waistband of my boxers and yanked both my boxers and jeans down. "I do you."

Before I had time to think about it, Bill slammed his mouth onto mine and began gently massaging my balls. I moaned when he tugged gently on them and barely noticed when his hand started moving downwards. I was only focused on Bill’s mouth and tongue.

So, imagine my shock when all of a sudden I felt Bill’s finger sink into me.

I gasped out sharply and dug my fingers into his back, totally unprepared for the invasion.

"I’m sorry," he murmured against my lips, eyes closed.

I shook my head. "Good God, when you said ‘I do you’ I didn’t know that was the option you wanted. Give me some warning next time, babe."

Bill nodded and then got off of me. "Take your pants off the rest of the way, it will make this so much easier."

I sat up and slid my pants down my legs. Bill yanked them off my ankles and crawled back up to my hips, placing a knee on either side of my thigh. He bent down and reattached his lips to mine, his tongue sliding eagerly into my mouth.

"I’ll be nicer this time," he said with a smile against my lips.

"Good. I don’t want to take away your top privileges forever."

"Silly little Tom. You obviously don’t know that I’m in charge." He gripped my cock tightly to punctuate his meaning. I moaned deeply. That felt really good.

He sucked two fingers into his mouth and wetted them sufficiently. He positioned them at my entrance and looked at me.

"Ready?"

I nodded, and he slowly pushed one inside of me. The feeling was still so weird, so alien, that I immediately clenched around his digit.

He pressed his lips to mine and smoothed back my hair. "Relax for me, baby."

"I’m just so… unused to it."

"I know. I just need you to try."

I tried to relax as much as possible. Bill pushed into me a little further, going slowly.

Bill continued on little by little until I was practically fucking his fingers, begging.

Bill slicked himself with lube and positioned himself. Slowly, he entered me. I moaned.

“Oh, yes, you’re a dirty whore. Moan again for me, baby,” Bill said, sucking my neck.

I am very good at following orders, let’s just make that known.

Bill continued to steadily fuck me, bodies close together, our sweat mixing together.

I groaned as I came, my muscles relaxing. Bill came a few thrusts later, sighing deeply and slumping on top of me.

I twisted one of his dreads around my finger. “I think this hairstyle made you more like me.”

Bill chuckled. “Oh, totally.”

“Wanna do it again?”

Bill looked at me for a long moment, then rolled on his back.

“My turn.”

I grinned.

It was only fair.