I Only Want You for One Night

It was happening. Gott Tomi knew this was my worst fear. He promised me it was never ever, ever going to happen. And I didn’t even know why he was mad at me in the first place!

I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door closed, falling against it and feeling my legs give out. I slid to the floor and started to cry.

I was so scared that at some time in life Tom would just cut all ties from me, and when he did stuff like this, I really thought it was going to happen…I just couldn’t handle it.

I buried my face in my hands and let out a deep breath. Tom could get like this sometimes, all emotional and not really meaning anything he did. I wiped away the tears.

I wiped away all my makeup. It had been messed up by my crying. What was the point in putting it back on now?

I heard a knock at the door.

“Bill, its dinner time, honey.” I heard my mom’s voice and smiled. But I wasn’t too ready to go out and face Tom just yet. I was afraid he wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t even look at me. And that would just be terrible all during dinner.

“I’m not hungry,” I called.

“But Gordon’s home Bill, please come out and eat something.” She was trying to open the door, but I was up against it, so it wasn’t going anywhere.

I just sat there stubbornly. I really was hungry. I mean when was I not? I couldn’t believe how skinny I was most of the time. I heard someone stomp across the hallway and down the stairs. Tom.

Well, for now, if he was down there I was going to keep my distance. I got up from the cold bathroom floor and went back into our room. Our room. Gott damnit why did we have to share a room? Wasn’t that for families who couldn’t afford a bigger house, then their kids had to room together? Gah whatever.

I laid down on my bed, my stomach starting to rumble like crazy. I could smell Mom’s cooking from up here. I nearly started crying thinking about what I could eat… Maybe I would sneak some food later. Like when Tom came up here to sleep. I’d just sleep on the couch downstairs, or watch sappy movies all night long in the den. Gott I didn’t wanna do that.

Once Tom got mad at me for I don’t even remember what and we didn’t talk for three days and seriously I went mad. I couldn’t ever live without Tomi. I mean he’s a part of me, is he not? I feel like I’m missing when he is mad at me.

“Can we talk?” I sat up. Tom was standing in the doorway.

“I thought you didn’t wanna talk to me,” I sighed and sat pretzel style on my bed.

“Bill I…I don’t even know why I did that.” He came over and sat down next to me. “You know how I can get.”

“Yeah but you…I was afraid.”

“I know Bill, I’m sorry.” He hugged me and my body tensed. I wasn’t expecting a hug from Tom.

He smiled at me and there was an awkward silence for a couple seconds.

“I forgive you. Just please Tom, tell me when you’ve got PMS because I won’t bother you then.”

He laughed and pushed me playfully. Now that was the Tom I liked.

“I…um…can I tell you something?” I asked, bracing myself for what he might do when I told him.

He looked at me with worried eyes. But they were beautiful, big, brown eyes. Was he trying to eye rape me or something?! That made me think of my dream. I swallowed hard.

“I…I had a dream last night that I was…raped, by a dude, and that’s why I was screaming.”

“Ach mein gott!” Tom cried, his expression turning from astonishment to anger. “I would kill whoever tried to touch you!”

I sighed. “Tom…uh…it was you, in my dream.”

His expression went blank. “Bill I would never hurt you, you know that!”

I nodded and bit my lip. I didn’t want to tell him about the dream I had that afternoon but now I supposed I had to.

“Today I…I took a nap when you were gone and I had another dream.” I let out a deep breath and the next sentence was kind of hard to understand because I blurted it out fast. “And you made sweet love to me.”

His face instantly went deep red and he didn’t say a single thing.

Oh Gott I shouldn’t have told him that.

I went on, trying to fix this awkwardness. Usually I could talk to Tom about everything quite easily, but this was hard.

“I didn’t want this to get awkward or anything but I’ve just been thinking about this and wondering what your thoughts would be. Tom, you’re my twin, my best friend, and we’d do anything to protect each other, right? It’s just when I dreamt that last night I got so scared,” oh damn I was starting to cry, “and I know it was just a dream but it felt so real and I never want that to happen.”

I lifted my face from my hands, still crying softly, to look at him. He had that indescribable look on his face again. It sorta scared me. I shook my head sadly. With this he wasn’t gonna talk to me for months, I had definitely just ruined it.

Then almost instantly, before either of us thought, our lips were connected in such a passionate kiss my body started to tingle. Butterflies erupted in my stomach instantly and spread up to my ribs to the tips of my toes. I moaned in mid-kiss. I just couldn’t hold that in.

I could tell Tom was thinking the same thing-that we wanted to separate from each other but we just couldn’t. It was like this force was holding us together. I guess I’d always had those hidden feelings, and now, with his lips connected to mine, I just couldn’t contain them.

I let the warm tears stream down my face and threw my arms around his neck. Tom was forceful, which I liked, and pulled me to him to deepen the kiss.

He place a hand at my neck and started inching his hand up into my hair. I tingled at Tom’s touch, especially his warm hand on my neck. I never wanted him to let go of me.

Of course all good things must come to an end, including that hot, passionate kiss with Tomi.

Tom pulled away from me and I was breathless, panting for some air as he let me go. His lips were still so temptingly close to mine, his warm hand still caressing my neck. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes and I just wanted more.

Where the hell had these feelings come from?!

“Tomi…” I reached out and touch his face, his perfect, beautiful face, but he pulled away. He let go of my neck too.

“Bill, we can’t.” He looked away from me. From the expression of his face I knew no more kisses would be coming. He couldn’t. He was Tom Kaulitz. It would kill him.

I licked my lips, trying to taste what was left of his kisses.

“But I…” I tried to think of what to tell him, to make this better.

“Bill this is so not right on more than one level!” he cried, a look of terrible regret on his face. “You are my brother!”

“But you feel something…”

“Bill I can’t feel anything for you.”

I don’t know why, but I had a sad look on my face I just knew it.

"Be reasonable.”

“I am Tom and I just think that you and me could be a good thing.”

“Oh yeah, it’s also an illegal thing!” he cried. “Bill there can’t be an us no matter what we feel!”

“We can keep this a secret,” I suggested, just wanting a kiss or two more was all.

“I’m Tom Kaulitz,” he sighed.

And I knew what he meant. If only the dream I’d had earlier that day could have come true…

“Bill I had a hard enough time keeping my feelings for you a secret,” he said, keeping his distance from me on the bed.

“How long have you had feelings for me?” I asked.

“A month or two.” He didn’t look up at me. Why did he have to be so ashamed of this, wasn’t this something good?

“Tomi you should have told me,” I muttered, reaching out to touch his face, and he only shrunk back a bit this time.

He stared at me sadly. “I wasn’t proud of the fact I was dreaming about my brother.”

“You had dreams about me too?” I asked and he blushed.

“Bill I wanted them to go away but they just don’t. Have you…how long have you had feelings for me?”

“To be honest it was nothing much until a few minutes ago.” I saw his face drop in the dim light of our room. “But no…it’s always been there, Tomi, I just never really noticed or paid attention to those feelings.”

Tom buried his face in his hands. “When I kissed you it felt like everything would be okay, that those feelings might stop but I…I just want you more.” He looked up at me.

“Then we can try this Tomi,” I gave him a smile. “If you’re willing we can be together.”

”Bill, one, this is illegal, two, you know my reputation as a slut, and three, mom and Gordon are downstairs.” He sounded liked he was just trying to make excuses.

I sat myself down on his lap to quiet him and wrapped my arms around him.

“Please get off of me,” he pleaded. “I can keep these feelings in Bill and it’s better this way.”

“No, it’s not good to keep them in.” I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“Someone is gonna find out.” More excuses.

“No one will if we don’t tell them.”

“Mom and Gordon!” he yelled.

“Our secret,” I promised, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

“I…” he froze, not knowing what to say. I could see he was trying to fight off this in his mind but it wasn’t working.

There was a sudden knock at our door and just like that Tom threw me off his lap.

“Agh!” I landed with my ass on the floor.

“Boys Gordon and I are going to the movies. You can have Georg and Gustav come over if you want but they better be out of here by midnight,” Mom explained.

“Okay, have fun,” I called.

I turned to look at Tom, his facial expression still showed confusion. He wasn’t sure what to do.

“They’re gone now Tomi.” I crawled on top of him again.

“Bill…please…” he had much worry in his eyes.

“C’mon Tom, I know you want some of this…” I breathed, our lips close again.

He sighed, about to give in.

“Don’t make me do this Bill…”

“I promise, no one will find out.”

I sat in his lap for a few minutes until he finally gave in.

“Kiss me, Bill, you taste so good,” Tom whispered, lifting up my face to his.

We kissed passionately for a good twenty minutes. Tom, the toughest guy that I knew, broke down and started to cry as we kissed.

“I wanted this for so long,” he muttered, his lips still on mine. His skin was hot and tasted so delicious. It just wanted him, all of him. “But it’s so wrong. Bill, tell me what to do.”

“Let’s just try this,” I whispered, knowing he’d agree to what I said.

I could tell that whatever things he’d felt for whatever stupid girl he’d met just melted away as he kissed me. I could tell my kiss made him weak, and I felt powerful. We belonged to each other now…well…almost.

I straddled myself on top of him and continued to kiss him, pushing him gently down on the bed so I laid on top of him.

I buried my face in his warm neck and kissed him there. How had I kept these feelings so deep? I guess I’d always loved Tomi.

I knew it was too early for this, but Gott did I want Tom inside of me. I wanted to feel his skin against my skin.

He moaned as I kissed his neck and I was quite proud of myself. His skin was just so soft, so irresistible.

“Bill,” he grabbed my waist, grinding his hips into mine. It felt so good. “Please don’t make me regret this.”

“You won’t,” I quieted him and got back to his neck, wanting him to moan again.

I wanted Tomi to be dominant, because according to those hundreds of girls he’d slept with, Tom sure was pleasurable.

I let my lips part from his neck as I finally got the courage to ask in a soft, sweet, voice, “Tomi, in me?”

His look was kind of reluctant.

“Please Tomi.” I kissed his neck again.

My heart was pounding fast and there were still those butterflies attacking my stomach. Tomi stuck a warm hand up my shirt and I tingled as he rubbed my torso.

“I…I’ve never done this before Bill and I…” his irresistible voice trailed off.

“Tomi,” I touched his cheek. He sighed at my touch. “We’ve been ready for this for a long time it just…took us awhile to know when it was right.”

I leaned in and kissed him gently, tasting all I could of that sexy lip ring.

When our lips parted I opened my eyes. Tom’s eyes were still closed and his lips were still puckered, trying to kiss me but I wasn’t there.

“O-okay. We can help each other…”

It wasn’t like I had this kind of experience either. Of course I wasn’t a virgin where girls were concerned, and I supposed it would be the same concept, but I would sort of be the girl I guess.

“We must get these out of the way.” Tom crawled on top of me, the pressure of his body, which was heavier than mine, all on my hips, and pulled my shirt over my head, then leaned down to kiss my chest once the shirt was gone. “Are you sure about this Bill?”

“So sure…I want to feel what I’ve been missing. And we both need this Tomi.”

He smiled warmly and traced my body with his finger delicately.

Here we go.