Keep Me Guessing

I was a nervous wreck. Not only am I leaving Maryland to go back to Washington today and I hate flying, I am telling Zack what happened three days ago. I kept biting my lower lip and I had withdrawled from everyone since then, and only Alex knew why. My eyes had lost all the happiness they had once had, just like the time I had been with James, and I was barely able to talk I was so sad. What I did was a mistake and if given the chance, I would do anything to change what had happened. Being drunk is no excuse for going off and having sex with one of my boyfriends best friends; in fact it is a very pathetic excuse.

Already he had heard that at one point I liked Alex, that was bad enough, but now, he would have to hear about me having sex with him. I'm a down right whore. As I finished packing the last of my things, the necessities I needed for today, I felt tears drip onto my face and I wiped them away, if anybody saw me cry today, I wouldn't be able to cover it up about being sad I had to leave. I picked up my suitcase and brought it downstairs next to the front door. I wouldn't blame anyone if they asked me to stay in Washington and never come back; it's what I deserve.

Alex and I hadn't gone anywhere near each other since that night, the guys were all wondering why, the two of us were practically attached at the hip when I wasn't with Zack. Soon, everybody would know the reason behind it. The plane was leaving five eastern time and we would arrive in Washington at eight western time. Which meant that Cheyenne and I would have to leave to the airport at three so we could be at the airport by four. Everybody was coming to see us off: my aunt and uncle, Jack, Brie, Kara, Rian, Zack, and Alex. During the time that we got there to the time that I had to board the plane I had to tell Zack. Dread filled my every step.

Cheyenne was still in her room packing presumably and Jack was most likely in his room fooling around on his guitar. My aunt and uncle had took the day off from their works, and had just ran out to the store, planning to be back soon. I went back up to my room, feeling like a whore, a slut, any name you could think of, I was. I had finally gotten something great and I had to ruin it, I am a bitch. Upstairs in my room, I laid down on my bed, just listening to the music that came from my iPod, immediately changing the song if an All Time Low one came on. I found it funny how my mood effects the music I listen too; for example, now as I'm sad, I'm listening to ballad's and depressing songs. When I'm happy I listen to joyful music I can dance too and when I'm angry I listen to music with lots of screaming.

I wouldn't be surprised if Zack hit me for what I did; I deserved it. And it wasn't like I could run off to a different state again like I had done with James, my whole family lived in Maryland, with the exclusion of my parents and sister. The clock on the little device said it was 2:53PM now, slowly I got up and walked downstairs where I found my family and friends waiting.

"Oh good, we were just about to come get you." My uncle said. "So you, Jack, and Cheyenne are riding with us, okay?"

"That's fine." I said it a little too quickly. I was glad that they didn't ask if I wanted to ride with Zack.

As everybody headed out to the cars, I noticed that Alex was reluctantly climbing into the backseat of Kara's car, next to Zack. His facial expression was miserable and I felt bad for him as well. As much as it was my fault, it was Alex's as well, neither of us could get off scotch free. I sat in the middle of the backseat, between Jack and Cheyenne, I was rigid, not leaning towards either for support, I was alone now, even if they didn't know it. The tension in the car was like a fire and everybody sensed it, all knowing it was coming from me.

I sighed, inaudibly, not even Jack or Cheyenne heard it, to which I was thankful. I didn't need to be questioned right now. My uncle pulled into the airport what seemed like a long time and I was relieved. Brie, Kara, Rian, Zack, and Alex all met us at the gate and while Cheyenne talked animatedly with the first three and Jack, I stayed quiet, just like Alex. Zack just thought I was nervous about flying. I gave Alex a look of sympathy and he understood that he needed to get away for awhile. I took Zack's hand and led him away from everyone, already crying.

"Come on Soph." He said. "Flying's not that bad and you won't be gone for long."

I shook my head. "That's not it."

He looked at me, confused, I couldn't even look him in the eyes. "Then what is it?"

"I did something horrible." I cried. I could see Alex and saw him begin to shift uncomfortably and look as though he was going to cry as well. "I was drunk at Rian's party, Zack, all of us were. I knew I shouldn't have drank so much, but I couldn't stop."

"What happened?" he asked fearfully.

"You're going to hate me." I said, tears still falling. "And you're going to hate him."

"Addison Sophia Rae Barakat, what the fuck did you do?" he asked harshly.

"I had sex. With- with, Alex."

Alex, from where he was standing started to cry, he knew what I had just said. My aunt and uncle, cousin and friends all looked confused. Alex ran off somewhere, and Zack was just looking at me as though I was scum. He backed away, shaking his head.

"Why, Addison?" he kept saying.

"I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing! Halfway through I stopped and looked up and saw that it was Alex and I slapped him. Stopping him. The slap sobered him up and we’ve both been regretting everything since it happened. I understand if you can never forgive me."

At that, the row of seating that Cheyenne and I were sitting in was called and we had to leave. Zack had begun to cry and I was still crying as I hugged my family good bye, I didn't even have the guts to hug the rest of them. With my head hanging low, my hair covering my face, I walked onto the plane, or rather, jogged, way ahead of Cheyenne. I had been given the window seat, I sat down in row 27 seat A, and rested my head against the window. Cheyenne came behind me and didn't say one word, knowing it would take some time before I was able to tell her what had happened back there.

I sat there silently for the first part of the flight, until we reached the right height and I put in my headphones, drowning everything out. Cheyenne would look at me sympathetically, I could tell she was trying to figure out everything that had happened, and she must have been close. I didn't move at all, except for my thumb, when I would change the song, but that hardly counts. I had broken my own heart, how many people can say they have done that? And along with mine; I must have broken Zack's.

"It wasn't Zack at all." I said finally, during the last part of the flight. I had taken out my headphones, but didn't face my friend. "We were both drunk."

"You didn't?" she asked, piecing everything together.

"I would barely call it sex." I said quietly. "We were both drunk and I slapped him right away. To sober him up. The both of us feel awful."

"I have nothing to say." She remarked. "But why was it Alex?"

"We had both been drinking at Rian's and I remember he was sad about something. And then the feelings I had for him back at the very beginning came back to me, and his for me too. The next thing we knew we were in the bathroom."

"Your heat is broken." She said softly. "And you think you broke his and in the process you and Alex ruined a great friendship."

"Pretty much Chey." I said bitterly. "I feel like a whore."

"Doll, you are far from a whore." She said fiercely. "You have had sex with three people: James, Zack, and Alex. James was mostly rape, Zack was love, and Alex was from intoxication. It hardly counts. Babe, it's going to be okay, even if I have to call Oprah or Jerry Springer, it will be fine."

I laughed feebly, my first laugh in three days, my first smile as well. Still I didn't move to face her, I didn't want to see the expression she would be wearing. I had gotten my things together, which wasn't much, my phone and iPod only, and tightened my seatbelt once we were told that the plane was beginning to descend. It wasn't the height that scared me, it was just the flying that did. I looked out the window, watching as we got closer to the ground and I could start to make out houses from yards, pools from cars, it was quite a sight.

Cheyenne and I waited patiently for most of the plane to clear out before walking out ourselves. Our parents would be meeting us in baggage claim as it was an easier way to pick us up. Both of us took our time getting there, Cheyenne because she wasn't sure what her parents would say to her about anything and me because I had to make sure I could put a fake enough smile on my face. Although, when I saw my parents and sister, the fake smiled I had worked on turned into a real one; I had missed them so much it is unimaginable. I ran into my mother's arms first, embracing her, then went into my dad's as he hugged me in one of his infamous bear hugs, then I hugged my little sister. Since I had last seen them, she had grown a good two inches, she was nearly as tall as me.

"I missed you all so much!" I told them.

"We missed you too sweetie." My mom beamed.

"Yeah, wait until you see what they let me do to my room!" Faye exclaimed.

"How about we go out to dinner, first?" My dad suggested. "That way we can spend some more time with you."

"That's fine." I said.

"Well let's grab your bags then."

I waved goodbye to Cheyenne on the way out of the airport and got into the backseat of the car, next to Faye. I listened to what my parents were saying, it felt so good to be reunited with my family, but even as I sat here, at the table at The Outback, with people that I loved, I couldn't help but feel the void in my heart. But for my parents sake, I pushed that all aside, wanting to spend a great time with my parents, especially since I was only here for a work week. I could deal with the Zack situation later.