Fork and Knife

It had been nearly two hours in passing and no one had said anything. Neither of us wanted to ruin the moment, but someone had to. And I knew it would be me, the less perfect of the two. I couldn't help myself though, I wandered to here her voice even if it was one last time.

"Once we leave this place, we're going to go to California. Were it's sunny and not too hot, and you'll never have to worry about money ever again. I'm going to get the band back together." I said slowly and turning onto my side to face her slowly stroking her face. She smiled and closed her eyes and took a deep breathe slowly turning her face to face mine. "I'd like that," she said so quietly I barely heard her lying straight next to her "I lied Ryan, you guys were good. You were amazing... I just never told you until now." She said with sympathy in her voice.

That was so Danhiel, at her time of need she was there for me, of all people, me. I didn't deserve her, and I know I didn't appreacaite her as much as she deserved, she was too perfect for this world.

"We have our whole lives ahead of us, Danhiel. We're going to go out and make lots of babies and our first son, Ryan Jr will not only beautiful just like his mom, but smart and intelligent too." I said with watery eyes. I had only ever cried a couple of times before in my life. And this was up there with those rare times.

"Ryan, your so good to me," she said trailing off lifting her hand to my face. I took it in mine and kissed it as a tear dripped onto our hands. I looked up into her eyes expecting to see her crying when her eyes were just simply diluted with almost black bags under them. Then I realised I was the one crying.

I sniffed back the tears- I was never a too emotional person so I had no idea what the fuck was going on - and threw my arms around her idiodicly ignoring her fragile conditions and pulling her to me as tight as possible. I felt her body start to shake a little and my shirt began to become moist. We were both crying

"Ryan," she called weakly between her sobs. I stroked her hair cooing 'shh' to her not wanting her to get more upset. I hated to see her like this, upset and dying. I had next to no life left when she was this distraught. "I love you" she whimpered crying and shaking against my chest.

The shaking didn't stop there though, I thought it was merely because of the fact she was crying and trying to muffle her sobs until she began to shake more violently and cough and push herself away from me and leaned over the bed hauling out whatever seemed to be in her stomach. I propped myself up on my left elbow and reached over to pull her hair out of her mouth.

"Danhiel," I said softly trying to get her to relax and move herself back into my arms. I stroked her hair some more when she didnt reply thinking she was going to vomit again. She pushed herself up a little whipping her mouth with the back of her right hand and letting it slowly fall down beside the bed. She sighed deeply and lay still as I stroked her hair.

"Danhiel." I said once again when she didn't reply to me. Only this time, there was no movement. "Danhiel?" I called again moving my body into a sitting position to lean over her. Her head was against the pillow and I couldnt see her face so I moved my hand underneath her cheek to turn her face to me when I realised her right arm and mouth were covered in blood.

"Danhiel!" I screamed pulling her body over so she was lying on her back. Her eyes were closed and her body lay more than limb, it lay like nothing at all.

Things started to fade out around me. I couldn't hear the heart monitor slowling down or lowering in volume, I didn't even hear myself screaming for doctors, and I most certainly did not see nor hear them when 4 or 6 or so nurses and doctors came in to flood the room. I sat there next to her shaking her arms knowing that she would wake up if I yelled a little louder or shook a little harder.

It wasn't working, I mustn't have been screaming nor shaking her loud or hard enough but someone was pulling me back and trying to pry me off her. I screamed and pushed them away as tears flooded out my eyes and onto the white bed sheets. There was blood on my hands and her eyes lay shut not moving.

More hands leeched onto my body, stronger ones as they pulled us apart and yanked me in all my kicking and screaming glory off the bed and out of the room. I screamed for them to let me down and to wake her up, but I was on mute no one could hear me and no one would listen to me. It was then I felt like a mental patient, the ones you always see in movies who are trying to do the right thing, but they need the help of others but they just ignore them and continue to tell them there crazy.

In my case I wasn't crazy.

She wasn't well, her heart was failing-

And She was dieing.

I was expelled from the room as the door was locked and I was face planted against the glass door screaming and banging against it as everyone inside ignored me and rushed around her lifeless body attatching things, removing things, pressing parts of her body to decipher a movement. Machines were slowering and coming to a stop. And the panicking stopped, everything stopped.

My Life had begun and ended with Danhiel. And now as I watched her body lying there still with the blood on the lips I would never again feel against my own, I realised she was gone. She had finally left me and I had never told her I loved her.

I didn't need to listen when the doctors told me she was gone. That there was 'nothing they could do' or 'it was too late' I just fell to my knees and with my head in my hands I sat and cried. I wouldnt let them touch me, I just wanted to sit outside her room where she lay inside wit a white sheet pulled across her face.

Time stopped for no one, but right now, just for five minutes- it would stop for me. Just one last thing I asked from anyone who would listen was to have five last minutes to hold onto her in my head.

She would always be remembered, but never forgotten.

Danhiel Ross, I love you.