Fork and Knife
Living This Way I Stress Less
After ‘Hannah’ had left I didn’t waste much time in standing around starring at the spot where she once was, hoping she would come back. As much as I wanted too. As soon as I got back to the bus, I was back off again going to sound check with the guys. I wasn’t my usual self throughout sound check, but more depressed emo Ryan who put nearly zero percent into playing. I think Spencer noticed this, when he came to talk to me afterwards, about 20 minutes before the show. I was sitting in my rosevest and skin tight jeans curled up on the sofa waiting to go on. Bats and lightning bolts were messily smeared across my face as I was too tired to put all my effort into drawing them.
“Hey man, you alright?” Spence said coming to sit next to me as we waited for Brendon and Jon to finish getting ready. I looked sideways at him and I didn’t really have to say anything for him to know that not everything was right. “Look, where about to go on in like 5 minutes, and I’ve known you too long to know if something is up, so whenever your ready, come and talk to me okay?” He said patting me on the back in a reassuring manner. I smiled up at him before Greg rushed in to get us all backstage and ready to go.
“Five minutes, guys” Greg said talking to us, and into his little microphone connected around his head. Holding tightly on to his clipboard, making sure everything was running smoothly and everyone was where they were supposed to be. ‘The Hush Sound’ finished and they all came sweating off as we all high five’d each other as we all ran on in single file to the screaming fans who just loved us for what they read in magazines, and saw in interviews. I wish they would love me for who I really was, I wish someone would love me for who I really am.
Another amazing show had finished, well it would have been amazing if I had of put in the effort to give them what they paid for, but I really just didn’t have it in me. We were told my Greg as soon as we got off stage that we had to go out for a meet and greet. I was a bit annoyed and wanted to punch him in the face just for saying that, but I owed it to the fans, and I owed it to Greg for how well organised he was to us, to not hurt his face.
We went out into the small white meeting room, where fans were all in small groups talking amongst each other, I was relieved that this was only a very small group of about 25 or so people. There heads all snapped up as soon as we and Zack entered the room they all split up running to their favourite band members, Brendon earning himself about 7, Jon 5, Spence 6 and I got a whole total of 8. Way to go Ryaannn.
I had just finished my last signing on a 15 year old girl’s converse shoe, named Emma when a gay who I didn’t recognize to be part of the fan group approached me “HI Ryan!” He gushed “Hey, do you want me to sign something?” I asked politely, I loved all my fans, they gave me just that extra bit of confidence and encouragement, even if they didn’t really know me, because at least they gave me someone to play to, and gave me reason to keep playing show after show, and record my songs.
“Oh Ryan, I’m your biggest fan. My names Eric, and I have read everything you ever said, seen every interview, I have just about every picture of you! I’m your absolute number one fan!” This guy was a little creepy, but a small part of me was touched that I had just a dedicated fan, but I just hoped that when he said he had every photo of me… he didn’t mean EVERY photo. “Oh, thanks man that’s great. Its nice to meet you, did you want a photo” He squeeled jumping up a bit before he pulled out his camera and asked one of the other fans to take a picture of us.
He turned and thanked me and asked for a hug and before I even nodded he had wrapped his arms around me in a super tight embrace, I couldn’t even move my arms. Okay buddy, I think its time for YOOUUU to go now. Kthanksbye. “Oh my god Ryan, you have no idea how much of an hour it is to see you, I worship you man, we were meant to be together. You are amazing!” Okay did this guy seriously just say what I think he said
I think Zack also started notice how harassing this guy had come to be when he declared that ‘visiting hours’ were over and it was time for us to go back to our bus. Eric watched me the whole time.
“Hey man, you alright?” Spence said coming to sit next to me as we waited for Brendon and Jon to finish getting ready. I looked sideways at him and I didn’t really have to say anything for him to know that not everything was right. “Look, where about to go on in like 5 minutes, and I’ve known you too long to know if something is up, so whenever your ready, come and talk to me okay?” He said patting me on the back in a reassuring manner. I smiled up at him before Greg rushed in to get us all backstage and ready to go.
“Five minutes, guys” Greg said talking to us, and into his little microphone connected around his head. Holding tightly on to his clipboard, making sure everything was running smoothly and everyone was where they were supposed to be. ‘The Hush Sound’ finished and they all came sweating off as we all high five’d each other as we all ran on in single file to the screaming fans who just loved us for what they read in magazines, and saw in interviews. I wish they would love me for who I really was, I wish someone would love me for who I really am.
Another amazing show had finished, well it would have been amazing if I had of put in the effort to give them what they paid for, but I really just didn’t have it in me. We were told my Greg as soon as we got off stage that we had to go out for a meet and greet. I was a bit annoyed and wanted to punch him in the face just for saying that, but I owed it to the fans, and I owed it to Greg for how well organised he was to us, to not hurt his face.
We went out into the small white meeting room, where fans were all in small groups talking amongst each other, I was relieved that this was only a very small group of about 25 or so people. There heads all snapped up as soon as we and Zack entered the room they all split up running to their favourite band members, Brendon earning himself about 7, Jon 5, Spence 6 and I got a whole total of 8. Way to go Ryaannn.
I had just finished my last signing on a 15 year old girl’s converse shoe, named Emma when a gay who I didn’t recognize to be part of the fan group approached me “HI Ryan!” He gushed “Hey, do you want me to sign something?” I asked politely, I loved all my fans, they gave me just that extra bit of confidence and encouragement, even if they didn’t really know me, because at least they gave me someone to play to, and gave me reason to keep playing show after show, and record my songs.
“Oh Ryan, I’m your biggest fan. My names Eric, and I have read everything you ever said, seen every interview, I have just about every picture of you! I’m your absolute number one fan!” This guy was a little creepy, but a small part of me was touched that I had just a dedicated fan, but I just hoped that when he said he had every photo of me… he didn’t mean EVERY photo. “Oh, thanks man that’s great. Its nice to meet you, did you want a photo” He squeeled jumping up a bit before he pulled out his camera and asked one of the other fans to take a picture of us.
He turned and thanked me and asked for a hug and before I even nodded he had wrapped his arms around me in a super tight embrace, I couldn’t even move my arms. Okay buddy, I think its time for YOOUUU to go now. Kthanksbye. “Oh my god Ryan, you have no idea how much of an hour it is to see you, I worship you man, we were meant to be together. You are amazing!” Okay did this guy seriously just say what I think he said
I think Zack also started notice how harassing this guy had come to be when he declared that ‘visiting hours’ were over and it was time for us to go back to our bus. Eric watched me the whole time.