I'm Not in Love, This Is Not My Heart
I'll Be Fine
"Amber?"
I looked up at William but didn't look into his eyes. It had been a week since Michael had come to my apartment and I had told him how I really felt for William. No one had gone to my apartment after that and I had continued to not answer messages so I wasn't shocked to see the surprised look on William's face when he opened his door.
"Hey William" I answered looking back at my feet, wrapping my arms around my middle.
I probably looked like crap from a week and a half of crying and not really caring about my cloths or make-up. I was wearing faded skinny jeans, band t-shirt and an over sized black hoodie that had a few holes in it and slipped over my hands. My make-up was still smeared from all the crying, but I didn't really care. I wasn't here to tell William I was in love with him, I was here to tell him I wouldn't be a part of his life anymore.
"Do you want to come in?" he asked stepping aside.
"Is your girlfriend here?"
"Elizabeth had to go back to New York for a few days. She'll be back tomorrow"
I walked past him and into the apartment, it still didn't feel right being in there. It seem tainted somehow, like it was somewhere way different from the apartment William and I had spent countless hours in together watching The Nightmare Before Christmas over and over again and never getting sick of it.
"You moved the furniture around" I observed not looking at him.
"Elizabeth thought it would look nicer like this"
Elizabeth. He might as well be stabbing me every time he said her name.
"I thought you always said you would never let someone else change your apartment" I answered still not looking at him.
"I figured I might as well let her change a few things around seeing as she is going to be moving in with me in a few weeks."
I finally looked at William, trying to keep the tears from my eyes. She was moving in with him? He really was going to forget me wasn't he? What was I doing here anyway? What did I think I could accomplish? I knew I wouldn't have the guts to tell William I loved him or that was I going to cut myself from his life.
"I had better go" I said softly before walking back towards the door quickly but William stood in front of it, blocking my exit.
"I haven't seen you for almost 2 weeks Amber. Do you really think I am going to let you just run off on me?" he asked smiling.
I looked down at my feet again, I couldn't handle this. I couldn't tell him how I felt and I couldn't cut him from my life, he was too important to me.
"I'm sorry about how I acted when Elizabeth showed up Shortie. I didn't mean to ignore you, I was just really happy to see her. I never would have guessed you would of gotten so upset about something like that"
He didn't get it. But then again, did he ever? There had been so many times William had not realized the most obvious things and had to be bluntly told them.
"It's fine" I answered still not looking at him as I wrapped my arms around my stomach again.
"You don't look like it's fine Amber" William sighing.
When I didn't answer he tried to pull me into a hug put I pushed him away.
"Do you hate me?" he asked softly.
This caused me to finally look at him, the pain in his eyes.
"I could never hate you William" I answered before finally letting him hug me.
William was my best friend. That was all we would ever be was best friends and I could live with that as long as he was happy.
I looked up at William but didn't look into his eyes. It had been a week since Michael had come to my apartment and I had told him how I really felt for William. No one had gone to my apartment after that and I had continued to not answer messages so I wasn't shocked to see the surprised look on William's face when he opened his door.
"Hey William" I answered looking back at my feet, wrapping my arms around my middle.
I probably looked like crap from a week and a half of crying and not really caring about my cloths or make-up. I was wearing faded skinny jeans, band t-shirt and an over sized black hoodie that had a few holes in it and slipped over my hands. My make-up was still smeared from all the crying, but I didn't really care. I wasn't here to tell William I was in love with him, I was here to tell him I wouldn't be a part of his life anymore.
"Do you want to come in?" he asked stepping aside.
"Is your girlfriend here?"
"Elizabeth had to go back to New York for a few days. She'll be back tomorrow"
I walked past him and into the apartment, it still didn't feel right being in there. It seem tainted somehow, like it was somewhere way different from the apartment William and I had spent countless hours in together watching The Nightmare Before Christmas over and over again and never getting sick of it.
"You moved the furniture around" I observed not looking at him.
"Elizabeth thought it would look nicer like this"
Elizabeth. He might as well be stabbing me every time he said her name.
"I thought you always said you would never let someone else change your apartment" I answered still not looking at him.
"I figured I might as well let her change a few things around seeing as she is going to be moving in with me in a few weeks."
I finally looked at William, trying to keep the tears from my eyes. She was moving in with him? He really was going to forget me wasn't he? What was I doing here anyway? What did I think I could accomplish? I knew I wouldn't have the guts to tell William I loved him or that was I going to cut myself from his life.
"I had better go" I said softly before walking back towards the door quickly but William stood in front of it, blocking my exit.
"I haven't seen you for almost 2 weeks Amber. Do you really think I am going to let you just run off on me?" he asked smiling.
I looked down at my feet again, I couldn't handle this. I couldn't tell him how I felt and I couldn't cut him from my life, he was too important to me.
"I'm sorry about how I acted when Elizabeth showed up Shortie. I didn't mean to ignore you, I was just really happy to see her. I never would have guessed you would of gotten so upset about something like that"
He didn't get it. But then again, did he ever? There had been so many times William had not realized the most obvious things and had to be bluntly told them.
"It's fine" I answered still not looking at him as I wrapped my arms around my stomach again.
"You don't look like it's fine Amber" William sighing.
When I didn't answer he tried to pull me into a hug put I pushed him away.
"Do you hate me?" he asked softly.
This caused me to finally look at him, the pain in his eyes.
"I could never hate you William" I answered before finally letting him hug me.
William was my best friend. That was all we would ever be was best friends and I could live with that as long as he was happy.