Take Off Your Make Up and Put Down the Camera

It took us a whole week to get everything moved out here to Chicago. Mom was staying in our house until she found somewhere else to live. She could stay with one of her friends, but we said no that choice. I really don’t mind her staying. I want to be able to get back with the guys. I miss my DD/FBR family. Audra is off with her band on tour with Tokio Hotel. They ended up being a headlining band after all.

Our house was pretty big, but not crazy big. It had a big living room and kitchen downstairs, plus a finished basement. Then upstairs there were five rooms and two and a half baths. Its pretty cute and homey.

Mom and I were in the kitchen. I was putting groceries up, when I heard her sigh.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She bit her lip, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to watch over me, Keegan. Audra thinks I’ll be okay. You should go back to Warped and help out TAI.”

“Mom, I’m where I’m suppose to be.”

“While I love that you’re here with me, we have to move on. I loved your dad and I’ll always love him, but he’s gone Keegan. You need to be with your friends and Gabe. He likes you a lot. I can tell.”

“I can’t and I don’t see how you can just say that. Its been a week, mom. A week. I don’t see how you do it,” I replied breaking down.

“I cry a lot at night. I write my thoughts down, Kee, it’s not going to be something that will be over in a heartbeat. Its going to take time, but we should start that process.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Please just think about going back out there.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

That night I got a call from Gabe. It was the first time I’d talked to him in a week.

“Hey Keegan.”

“Gabe, its been awhile.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that babe. Cobra has been pretty busy.”

He sounded weird when he said that.

“I understand. Its all good Gabe.”

“I miss you.”

I smiled, “I miss you too.”

“Please come out soon?”

“Maybe. I’m thinking about it.”

“Good, well, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

I heard the dial tone before I could say good-bye. Right, weirdo. I hate when people don’t say bye on the phone. I opened up my email on my computer and I had one from my agent, Lexi. It was something about a photo shoot. I decided I would call her in the morning. I was way to tired to deal with all of that junk. I changed into my pajamas and crawled into my bed.

Four hours later and I was still wide awake. Damn insomnia. My doctors wanted to put me on medicine for it, but due to my past with the whole drug thing, mom and dad thought it wasn’t a good idea. Which is total bullshit. I just get to be awake and think about things when I should be sleeping, like now.

I was think about how Audra and I have grown apart. We use to be so close and then she joined Never The Less. Her band members don’t like me, I don’t like them. Pretty shitty, huh? We’re nice to each other for Audra’s sake. I really don’t know why none of them like me or vice versa. Its odd. I love that Audra and Sisky have something going on, but I’m afraid she’ll break his heart. She’s kind of a fuck them and leave them type of girl. She always has been and Sisky is my best guy friend. I don’t know, maybe she’ll stick with him.

I finally got comfortable and fell asleep. I had nightmares though about everyone finding out about my past. That scared me. If people find out, I’m screwed. I hope that will never happen.