Someday I will Understand

Frank walked up the nursery where he could hear Kate talking to Sadie and how sorry she was having hurt everyoneand that she hated herself for it, walking into the nursery Kate looked up at him, Quickly she rose and placed Sadie back in her crib.
“I’m leaving” Kate whispered
“You need to come down stairs...I want to talk” Frank said in a soft voice

Kate followed behind she knew what she was in for but it was something she really didnt want to hear..She had come for one thing and that was to see her daughter especially as tomorrow she would be having a meeting with Frank in regards to custody over Sadie.

Once in the living room Kate could see both the men she had hurt staring right at her, she knew they could the fear in her eyes, she was scared not that they would hurt her but both of them would certainly verbally attack her and that to her was worse.

For a moment no one said nothing but Frank couldn’t help himself “What are you doing here?”
Kate responded quickly “I came here to see Sadie nothing else I didnt know Gerard was going to be here as well, I’m not here to cause any thing and I’ll go now so that then I wont”
Gerard spoke “Don’t go...We need to know why”
“I don’t have an answer for that” Kate replied as she turned go out the front door
“Kate you gotta have something” Gerard responded back
“My only answer is I was confused....I know I hurt you both and I know sorry cant replace what I have done...but I understand I have lost everything I once had...But I’ll survive I’m strong and I will learn from my mistakes”

kate opened the front door and ran to her car where she sat there and started to cry, she could feel that someone was watching her, looking out the front window she saw that it was Gerard, he could see her pain and wished it wasnt happening but she had broken his trust one last time and he knew there was no turning back.

Kate continued to look at him while he stared at her, she mouthed What do you want, With his hand he motioned for her to role down the window, kate obliged she continued to look and wonder what Gerard wanted. Had he calmed down and was here to tell her that he truly loved her and though she had a big mistake he would forgive her. That wasnt to be.

“Kate...I just wanted to see if you were ok?”
“I’m fine” Kate replied sniffing “Why do you care anyway?”
“Cause I care about you and love you...It’s not something I can just turn off kate we were together for over a year, you held a special place in my heart and Fuck you still do”
“Why are you telling me this...Are you trying to make me feel more worse then I already feel?”
“No I’m not...I’m not happy with what you done nor is Frank you lied to both of us and I feel like you betrayed me...I was there for you and you know that”
“Of course I know that...I know I fucked up...more then you can possibly imagine”
“Because I care do you want me to drive and take you somewhere?”
“Um...I’m only going back to my hotel”
“Where are you staying?”
“In the city...I was in the apartment but then my people moved me in to a hotel they thought it would be better for me”
“Your people?”
“Yeh I’m back to working again..I need it there is something to do and I can move on and allow you and Frank to do the same”
“Kate I don’t want to move on...heck I really don’t know what I want” Gerard said with half smile
Kate could sense that Gerard was confused and she didnt want him to be she knew it was best if she just left.
“Look I’ll just go” she softly whispered
“Please don’t” Gerard replied with sad eyes
“Why?”
“I don’t know let’s go somewhere and talk”
“Gerard there is only so much talking we can do...and it’s not good for you I know you don’t want to be with me and I can accept that...but by spending time together we will just go around in circles...It was right for you to end it...all I was doing was hurting you and I’m glad I’m not anymore...you can finally step out and be the person you want to be with out having me around”
“But I don’t want you gone..I want you still to be in my life”
“Gerard your confused...I have to go” Kate said starting the ignition

Gerard bolted around the passenger side of the car and got in, “Gerard what are you doing? Kate yelped
“Following my heart”
Kate just looked at him and didnt know what to say “Um...” was all she could muster
Gerard really had no idea why he was doing this he was still angry but it felt like he was possessed to do so, Kate saw this as merely breaking her heart even further she knew that Gerard would turn and want to be out of her life yet again.
“Look Gerard I cant do this and neither can you...I think you should go?”
“What happens if I don’t want to?”
Kate hated saying this but she knew she needed to push Gerard away “Well remember I had sex with Frank and to think of it I actually enjoyed it” she said coldly, she hated the words that were coming out of her mouth but she hoped this would push him away once and for all.

Only it didnt it back fired “Kate I heard every word you were saying to Sadie...I know your trying to hurt me more and push me away cause you don’t want me to get hurt again...I wont I’m not saying let’s get back together but maybe we can try and be friends”
“Gerard that’s just it I cant be your friend...I love you too much by being your friend I’d want you which I cant have and so to me the best thing is to move on and have you out of my life”
“Oh...I thought”
“Well you thought wrong...now please get out...I need to go”

Gerard hoped out of the car and walked back in to Frank’s place as he watch Kate drive off.

Kate drove to the end of the block where she parked the car..she couldn’t believe what she had just done, pushed the man away she truly loved for his own good. All she wanted to do was run back and tell him she truly loved him and beg him to take her back but it wasnt to be.