Someday I will Understand

Gerard took Kate in his arms and started to fondle her breasts, as there lips entwined to devour each others passions for one another, Gerard moved his lips down to Kate's nipple and started to swirl his tongue around the tip, while they grinded each other, Kate could feel Gerard’s erection growing through the outline of her panties, by now Kate knew she wanted him more then ever to be able to feel him in her.

Kate pulled Gerard's boxers off and slid her own panties off as well, Gerard knew Kate wanted him as much as he wanted her right at this very moment but decided to tease her with the tip of his manhood rubbing against her - to him if felt like torture he wanted her so badly, he loved the way she wanted more of him.

Finally when he knew she couldn’t take it anymore he plunged in to her depth's with a hard thrust, as there bodies moved together, there pace became faster and Gerard knew that he wouldn’t be able hold it much longer, Kate on the other hand was already there.
With one last hard thrust, he came with in her.

"Baby that was so good" Kate said with a big grin on her face

He loved it when she complimented him as they cuddled in to each other after being intimate with one another, As Kate fell asleep with her head resting on his chest, Gerard started to think if he was the best person for her with what she was going through how would her mood be tomorrow, would she try to hurt herself again.

Could he look after her like he promised, did she deserve better?

As the questions kept going round and round in his head, he decided to forget about it, he hated himself for thinking like that, he knew he had a good life and was able to inspire people through his music and for that he would always be grateful that he was able to help other people, his mates in the band were more like his brothers and he couldn’t ask for anything better, and with Kate to him she was just perfect and having her in his life meant the world to him, with them thoughts he fell asleep.

Waking up early the next morning Kate thought everyone else was asleep but to her surprise she wasn’t alone sitting in her lounge was Mikey with a cup of coffee “Morning Mikey your awake early!”
“Hi” Mikey mumbled still half asleep “I couldn’t sleep, how come your up?”
“Oh... yeah I couldn’t sleep either, I’m gonna go for a walk, wanna come?”
“Um... OK”

Kate knew today wasn’t a good day, her dark thoughts had returned but at the same time she also knew if she could keep it together hopefully she would be fine, but that was if she was even able to keep it together.

Walking around the big back yard on Kate’s property, Mikey asked her how she was doing and wanted to know the truth none of the little white lies she had been telling, he liked Kate and who she was as a person and he knew she made his brother happy.
Kate looked towards him having never been asked so bluntly as over the last few days people had tiptoed around that question. She didnt really know what to say she didnt want to lie and at the same time she thought if she was honest Mikey might judge her and see her in a different reflection.
Mikey could see that Kate was having difficulty answering, talking with a soft voice he asked “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not good I feel like I shouldn’t be here, the very thought I’m never going to see my son or ever hold him in my arms again is killing me. I just wanna be free from all this pain” Kate said as tears started to roll down her cheek.
Mikey held her while they walked back to the house.

The day went by very quick, Kate and Gerard relaxed in front of the tv watching very old horror movies with Frank and Mikey, while Ray and Bob were having fun looking at Kate’s in built studio where she was able to play her music with all it’s little gadgets.

Everyone knew that tomorrow the boys would be going back on the road for there tour. All were very excited and looking very much forward to it, Kate on the other hand was trying to face her inner demons and wasn’t sure if she could control them or if they would be unleashed, inside her head they were spiralling out of control.

So rather then worry everyone she decided to run herself a hot bath, Upstairs in the bathroom Kate turned the radio on so no one could hear her and locked the door and found her razor and took the blade out of it, just by looking at it she felt guilty, she placed it up to her wrists and moved it across her wrist so that it was only grazing the skin, she slowly pressed harder but then stoped when she heard banging on the door “Kate are you ok” Gerard said trying to yell over the music, Kate turned the radio down and placed the razor under her towel and unlocked the door and partially opened it so all Gerard could see was half of her face.
“I’m ok, just trying to relax”
“Can I come in”
“No I just want to be alone”
Gerard tried to push the door open but Kate had a firm grip on the door handle and didnt move
“Ok babe, well I’ll be downstairs, I love you”
“I love you too” Kate said as she closed the door and locked it again.

Her head was now spinning, she knew she loved Gerard and that this would be hurting him seeing her like this, her head wondered and she made her decision, rather then hurt him anymore she would break it off, so he could get a fresh start and not have to worry bout her, to her that was the best thing she could think of.

While Gerard was down stairs he started talking to the rest of the guys he looked towards Mikey “I just went up there, she had the music blaring and the door was locked, she only opened it a little bit and wouldn’t let me in, I’m worried about her”
Mikey knew he had promised Kate he wouldn’t say anything about there conversation this morning but he also didnt want to keep it from his brother “Um.. Bro she told me this morning she didnt want to be here that she wasn’t having a good day, that she um... wanted to be free from all this pain.

“Fuck Mikey why didnt you tell me earlier”
“I promised her I wouldn’t, she’s just real scared, and I don’t blame her”
Ray spoke “Maybe Gee you just need to give her some space just take it real slow”
“How can I Ray when she’s going to Texas for a few days to film that tv series”
“Keisha will be there, why don’t you ask her to keep an eye on her”
“What so I can keep tabs on her, she will hate me for it, if she was to find out”
“She wont have to know” Ray said seriously
“Maybe we could hire a private detective” Frank said laughing, he always liked to make a joke out of serious situations but he could definitely be serious when need be, just not a lot of times.

Kate had finished in the bathroom but wasn’t sure if she wanted to come back down stairs, she was cringing inside but knew she had to call it quits with Gerard. Everyone was heading back to the hotel tonight as they would be leaving early tomorrow for the show in San Antonio Texas the following day, as far as Gerard was aware Kate would be meeting them in Atlanta after she had finished filming.

Kate walked down the stairs in a pretty black top that was low cut with hipster jeans and her make up all done up, she walked over to Gerard and asked to speak to him privately.
They walked out side and stood under the moon while it shone with all its glory
“What’s up baby?”
“I know you will hate me for this but it needs to be done and I’m so sorry” Kate started to say as a tear fell from her eye
“Baby What’s wrong, why are you crying”
“I cant do this anymore Gerard - you and me we just aren’t working, I cant be with you anymore”
HUH!, are you trying to break up with me?”
“I’m so sorry, I’ve realised I need to be myself” Kate said as it was tearing her up inside she didnt want to say them words she loved Gerard but to her this was her only escape from not hurting anyone anymore.

Gerard stood there shell shocked he didnt know what to say he couldn’t believe she was pushing him away, he knew she was hurting but to go to this extreme.
“Fine Kate if that’s what you want then FINE!!” Gerard yelled and then walked off
Kate stood there crying, while Gerard went back in to her house got the guys together and left

As Bob drove the boys back to the hotel where they were staying, he asked what happened
Gerard pissed off by now said “She FUCKING broke up with me, saying some shit like we weren’t working anymore, if she wants to push me away then fine, I was there for her and if she cant see that, well then it’s not my problem anymore”
“Fuck I didnt know it was that bad”
“Well man it is, I love her and it’s like she is throwing it back in my face”
Mikey spoke up “Gee don’t you think your being a little harsh, I think the reason she is pushing you away is cause she don’t want to hurt you, just remember she is hurting too. You know I’m right”

Gerard looked at Mikey and realised that he was wrong.
“Fuck, What am I going to do”
“Let her come to you, just give her a day or so, I think she just needs to put everything into perspective”
“I’ll call Keisha and maybe she can talk to her seeing they are best friends”

Gerard got out his mobile and called Keisha and explained the situation, Keisha was shocked when she heard the news and promised to keep an eye on Kate while she was in Texas and hopefully get her to see that what she was doing was stupid.

Kate who was now out of the house met up with some of her old friends, one of them being Jared Padalecki who was in Supernatural and who Kate would be filming her scene’s with while in Texas and some other people she knew mutually, she had decided that she wanted to go out and party the night away to forget about what had happened. While out, Kate was followed by the paparazzi and being that she was half drunk stood there with Jared and had photo’s taken. Kate then leaned in to Jared and pashed him, the photographer’s went nuts.

Kate knew that the photo’s would be on the internet and she just didnt care, she was free to do what ever she wanted as far as she was concerned and she knew that now no one would ever get hurt by her again.