Someday I will Understand

Arriving at there hotel in Florida Kate waited in anticipation for Gerard to arrive, she was missing him terribly and was also hurt that she had been violated by someone she considered to be a friend.

Her head was spinning in all different directions, she was still scared that once Gerard saw her, he wouldn’t want to be near her, right now more then anything all she wanted was him to hold her in his arms and just comfort her.

Gerard on the other hand wished that the bus would get there faster, he felt like he was going out of his mind, he just wanted to hold her in his arms and let her know that everything was going to be alright and he would never leave her side.

Kate started to think about what Jared had done to her, the thought he had touched her made her sick.
Gerard and the guys had arrived at the hotel, Gerard was getting anxious, he texted Kate and let her know that he was there, Kate ran out of the room and out the hotel lobby to where the tour bus was, there were fans waiting and they just watched Kate run - thinking she was a very crazy MCR fan - she ran to where the bus was, there was security there that stopped her “Please I need to get on the bus, My boyfriend is on there”
A big man said “Please get away from the bus”
“But my Boyf...”
Kate got cut off as a security guard tried to drag her away
So she started yelling “Gerard, Gerard....”
Gerard could hear that his name was being called and looked towards the bus window where he saw that Kate was being held by a security guard.
He moved from where he was and ran off the bus, the fans saw him and started yelling his name
“Let go of her, she’s with me”
The guard looked at him as if to say are you fucking crazy.
The grip around Kate was let loose and she ran in to Gerard’s arms
“Hey Baby” Gerard said as he kissed Kate in front of everyone, he didn’t care he loved her and was happy to show her off to the world, the fans went nuts and started yelling and clapping, Gerard caught up in the moment, loving the fact that his fans were supporting him took a bow and took Kate back on to the bus.

Once on there he just held her in his arms while she cried silently, she was so happy to be with him and overjoyed that he still wanted to touch her and be close with her.
Gerard tilted her head up so he could see her eyes, he could see all the pain that was there and just wanted to take it all away from her
“Hi” Kate said
“Hey”
“I think I caused a little commotion out there, sorry but when you said you were here, I had to see you”
“it’s ok baby don’t worry bout it, I’m glad you’re here to, I have been waiting like ages to see you again”
“Where’s everyone else”
“They got off a second ago, I’m pretty sure they are in the midst of signing autographs”
“Oh... Gerard I’m so scared and I feel like everything is falling from under me, I don’t know how to cope”
“Why don’t we get off this bus and go to our room”
“That sounds good”

Kate and Gerard left the bus and went to there hotel room where Keisha and the rest of the guys were waiting, Ray walked up to Kate and gave her a big hug “I’m so glad your ok” “Thanks Ray” Mikey was next and held her so tight so she couldn’t move- for such a small frame Kate couldn’t believe how much strength he had - “Kate if you need anything just ask” Mikey said being reassuring.
The guys left to go to there own room, they had postponed there concert for tonight for tomorrow and from there they would fly straight to Atlanta and their tour bus would meet them there.

Kate sat on the bed just looking out the window, Gerard bent over to block her view
“Hey baby, did you wanna talk about it?”
“What do you want me to say”
“Anything you want to say”
“I don’t know, I feel so stupid and hurt and I keep thinking that you hate me and don’t want to be near me”
"baby I would never think that, I love you and that's all that should matter"
"I really don’t know how I feel, its like every thing is running through my head and being touched by someone else s making my stomach churn- and then everything makes me think of my son and I wonder what there is to life and why am I being punished, what did I do to deserve this?"

"Babe your not being punished, I know your going through a rough trot at the moment but I’m here and I’m know your hurting and I wish I could take all the pain away from you" Gerard said trying to be reassuring.

As they started to kiss, with his hands Gerard started to feel Kate's body, Kate sat there frozen like a log the thoughts of what jared had done to her came flooding back into her head. "Stop" she yelled
"Kate what’s wrong?" Gerard said looking concerned
"I cant do this, please don’t touch me"
Gerard looked at her and saw that she was truly scared.
"I'm sorry, I wont do anything you don’t want me too" Gerard said caringly
"It's not you it's me, just the thought's they are all stuck there and I don’t know what to do"
" Baby it will get better, I promise"

As the day progressed Kate's thoughts became darker, Gerard had tried to probe for further details but Kate wouldn’t talk she had become a recluse, not wanting to talk about it and just sitting on the balcony, While she was sitting on the balcony she started to think if she did end her life would anyone miss her, she felt as though the her whole world was being torn apart and didnt know how to cope, she knew that Gerard was doing his best to be there for her and she was indeed grateful but at the same time everything was still tearing her apart, she started to feel as though her life was worthless and that she was just an object in which everything was trying to destroy her. Kate didnt know how much more of the pain she could handle.

Gerard walked out to the balcony where Kate had now been sitting for the last hour, as she stared into outer space, he wondered with everything she was going through, could he really help her, he wanted so badly to be able to, but he wasn’t sure if he had the strength either, it was like he was slowly losing her - from the once vibrant girl he had met with whom he had fallen in love to now where it was like she could no longer stand being alive -

Kate looked towards him and smiled, Gerard spoke "How are you feeling?"
"Ok, I’ve had time to get thing's into perspective, it's made me realise it's all my fault and I actually feel ok with that"
"Baby this isn’t your fault, not at all"
"Oh but it is Gee, I should have known when my baby was sick but I wasn’t there, I should have known when not to inhale illegal substances then no one would have touched me but no I went on my merry way thinking of myself not caring about anyone else around me, and hey now the greater good has tested me and I failed so I am being punished" Kate said talking seriously

“Kate I promise you this isn’t your fault it never has been, why don’t you come in and we can sit and relax in the warmth”
Gerard grabbed Kate’s hand and made sure she came inside, he wanted her to realise that this was none of her fault, but whether she would listen was another story.