Someday I will Understand

Walking out to where the boys were doing a sound check, Kate ran in to Brian

“Hey Kate, Fuck your hair looks amazing”
“Thanks Brian, so how are the guys going are they all ready for tonight?”
“Yeah they are pretty psyched up, Gee was looking for you earlier”
“Oh really I just went for a walk, needed to get some fresh air”
“I hear you were having some fun on the bus earlier”
Kate just smirked “So did the guys tell you”
“Yep sure did, pretty funny” Brian said laughing
“I’m sure it is”
“Now now its all ok”

The guys had finished there sound check and were walking off the stage, Kate turned her head away from Frank so as not to make eye contact - She walked over to where Gerard was standing talking to Bob “Hey Kate, I’m sure you’ve heard it heaps of times today but your hair looks great”
“Thanks Bob, do you mind if I pinch Gee away from you for a few minutes”
“He’s all yours, I was just giving him shit anyway” Bob said as he walked away
“What’s up Kate?”
“Nothing much, do you mind if I don’t come to the show tonight, I was thinking about just grabbing some dinner and relaxing back in ya change rooms”
“Yeh baby, you know that’s fine, I gotta go, but I will see you then after the show I love you”
“I love you too” Kate said

Walking back to the change room Kate found some paper and a pen and started to write a note to Gerard and her family. Once she had finished what she had to say she folded it wrote Gerard’s name on it and left it on the table where she thought he would be sure to see it.

Kate walked out in to the fresh air with the night breeze hitting her skin, She didnt know what she was going to do, she had hired a car so maybe have some drinks and think from there, Kate found a local bottle show and bought a bottle of bourbon, driving to the closest secluded place she could find, she opened her bottle and took a swig of it as she swallowed it she could feel the burning sensation it caused.

By now the boys were on stage and unaware of what Kate was up too.

Kate continued to drink the alcohol straight until she could no longer see straight, getting out of the car she stumbled she realized that she didnt know where she was, walking around a little bit Kate decided she wanted to get in the car again- being that she was drunk she started to laugh at her self thinking how stupid she must have looked.
Getting back in to the car she drove around the car park she had found not knowing where she was going nor what she really intended to do.

Leaving the car parked, she decided to start walking again, by now Kate had also swallowed some of her anti-depressants that she hadn’t been taking and in her head she was unable to make any judgements, she walked along a street not seeing what was coming - when all of a sudden everything went black for her.

Kate had tried to cross the road where there was traffic when she was struck down, As the blue laser collided with her it threw her body up to the windshield and with the impact it smashed the glass as the car brakes went on Kate’s now limp body rolled off the car and on to the ground.

Realizing what had happen a young man got out of the car and looked at Kate’s helpless body with blood all covered over it, he ran to her, he couldnt see if she was breathing, as he ran back to his car people started to stare.

“Someone fucking call 911, I’ve just hit someone” he yelled

A few minutes later an ambulance arrived, as they ran to where Kate was laying, they checked her pulse which they could feel faintly. Trying to talk to her, they knew that she was unconscious. Placing her body on to the Gurney they drove to Grady Memorial Hospital where they were fighting to say her life they weren’t able to stabilise her, not only did she have internal bleeding, her spleen had ruptured and her liver had be lacerated and her heart was under to much stress to help her. Her brain also had swelling from where she hit her head on the concrete.

The show had finished and Gerard knew that Kate would be waiting for him but what he saw was not her but a note with his name on it.
He started to think maybe she was going to surprise him.
He opened the letter and started to read

Dear Gerard,

I know you were expecting me to be here tonight and I am very sorry that I cant be.
I realized that my life is not where I want to be, I have nothing left, I know you must be reading thinking what are you on about. My point is I don’t belong here anymore I cant stand feeling where I am and no amount of help or love is going to help me.
I’m broken in little pieces and everything that has happened I just cant cope with it anymore and I feel this is the best way is for me to end it, for then I will no longer suffer.

Know that I love you and I always will - for the time we were together you were the only one to be able to put a smile on my face but there is too much pain and I cant smile anymore, I need peace and maybe ending a life is the easy way out but I find for me it is the only way.

There is so much guilt and hurt racked up in me, I feel as though I am going to explode, I know this must be hurting you and for that I am truly sorry, I never ever wanted to hurt you ever!
You were honestly one of the best things in my life and for that I will always be grateful.

Please let my family know how much I loved them.

I am so sorry for the pain that I will have caused, but please know that I have come to accept my fate and have found a happy place.

All my love

Kate

As Gerard finished reading the letter he fell to the ground and started to cry.
“Hey man what’s wrong” Ray said as he walked in to the room
Gerard was unable to say anything, Ray picked the piece of paper up that Gerard had dropped and read it
“Holy Fuck” was all Ray could say
By now everyone else was in the room and had read the letter the Kate had written.

On the other side of city, the doctor’s at Grady Memorial were still fighting to save Kate’s life, she was currently in surgery to stop the internal bleeding and to fixed her damaged organs.
Kate’s heart was under much stress which made her go in to cardiac arrest, the doctor’s grabbed the paddles and sent electricity through her body, a heart beat had come back so they proceeded with the surgery constantly monitoring her stat’s.

Gerard was still slouched on the floor crying “Why the fuck didnt I see this, I fucking promised her I would look after her and I cant even do that”
Mikey sat besides Gerard and hugged his brother “We will find her, I’ll make sure of it, this isn’t your fault”
“But it fucking is, I couldnt see she was hurting so badly”
Bob spoke “Brian has already started to call the hospitals, we will find her Gee”

Frank was sitting in a corner by himself with his head in his hands unable to say anything, he was thinking that it was his fault he shouldn’t have tried to pursue her, and now his best friend was hurting which made his stomach churn.

In the emergency department, a doctor was going through Kate’s belongings to try and determine who she was and if there was any family to contact, looking in her wallet he saw her licence which said Kate Bass - he realized who she was, divulging further he saw a photo of Kate and Gerard looking on the back he saw in written handwriting me and Gerard, he decided to look in her mobile and at numbers to see if he could find this Gerard’s number, he found it.