Someday I will Understand
Chapter 61 A lonely road
Kate awoke the next day in Gerard’s arms holding her closely to his body where she could hear him softly breathingand still asleep.
Thoughts were running through her mind from her pregnancy to the impending arrival of her new niece or nephew as she knew that she should be there for her sister as she had been there for her and Kate knew if she didnt go it would hurt Emma’s feelings but at the same time she also had a few reservations.
If she went there her sister was bound to know she was pregnant or would find out somehow and then if she had to deal with her family about it, she wasnt sure if she would be able to cope, she had finally come to terms that her son had passed away and that there was a new life growing inside of her and at the moment she wasnt really sure who the father was, it was as though her feelings were resurfacing and she just couldn’t deal with them, she didnt have the energy to go through it but it she eventually she would have to.
To her life didnt seem perfect if anything it was bearable she had lost her only child and now she was bringing another one in to the world which she knew she wasnt ready for, her feelings were mixed it was like a cloud of darkness was falling over her and it was going to swallow her whole where she would be able to pity herself in her own misery.
But if she did where would she end and would she survive? she knew she had already gone through so much in the past few months and she wasnt ready to go through the turmoil again.
At the same time Kate knew she couldn’t succumb to her pitiful thoughts her desire was to get through these problems and succeed. Gerard stirred and rolled over where he went back to sleep.
Kate now free from his grasp got out of the bed she was now sharing with him and put her pj’s on which were laying on the floor from last nights festivities, walking around the hotel room Kate stared at the four walls with a blank expression not knowing really where to turn she didnt want her life to spiral out of control again she needed for these thoughts to disappear, she knew being pregnant was meant to be a joyous occasion especially as there was going to be a new bundle of joy but it was only bringing back memories of the child she had lost not too long ago and the wounds from that were still there.
Finally Kate had a shower and got dressed and made herself a hot cup of coffee looking over at the clock it was just after 7am she knew she should wake Gerard up as it would take him at least an hour to just get out of bed, so she sat next to him where he was sleeping and started to give him soft kisses on his lips hoping he would wake up but also not to startle him, slowly opening his eyes he could feel Kate’s soft lips against his looking at her she looked so beautiful and he was so happy to have her back in his life.
“Morning sleepy head”
“Huh, what time is it?”
“It’s just after 7 baby” he
“ Aww it’s too early”
“I know but you take forever and we have to go soon”
“What time did you get up? I didnt even hear you”
“A while ago... I’ve just been thinking” Kate said trying to be honest with Gerard
“What have you been thinking about?” Gerard said with his eyes still squinting together still trying to wake up
“Just about being pregnant and what I’m going to do and that when I think of it, it brings back memories of Hayden and its like I’m being pulled in to this dark place and I just don’t think I can cope and then there’s my sister who is due to have her baby and I’m not there for her and she was there for me and I know I should go but I just cant bring myself to do it, it’s like I’m frozen and I cant move and I want to move I want to be the person I use to be not this emotional wreck that I have become” Kate said with a tear sliding down her cheek
“Kate it’s ok, I know this must be hard for you, I cant say I know what your feeling cause that isn’t the truth but know that I am here for you and I wanna help you and this baby it’s going to be loved no matter what and you are going to be a fantastic mother”
“I think more then anything I’m just scared, I want this baby to be yours more then anything I want us to have our own little family”
“Katie its not worth worrying about right now when its time we will then know and I think you should be there for your sister she would want you there and I don’t want to keep you here”
“That’s it your not keeping me here, I’m just being too stubborn thinking everything revolves around me and it shouldn’t, I guess I should go back home and see my family”
Gerard finally got out of bed still wearing nothing and wrapped his arms around Kate, Kate couldn’t help but laugh as she felt his member prod against her
“What’s so funny” Gerard said whispering into her ear
“You, your naked” Kate said with a little giggle
Gerard loved the way she laughed it was like a hehehe but louder and her nose always scrunched up like a button which to him made her so adorable, he hated the way she was feeling about being pregnant he wished he could really tell her how he was feeling and what he and Frank had spoken about but he didnt want to put anymore strain on her.
After Gerard let Kate go he went and had a shower while Kate walked to Frank’s room where Bridget was and arranged for flights to be booked to Australia, Frank was a little surprised that she would be leaving he didnt want her to go and he started to panic
“Frank its ok, I’ll only be gone for a couple of weeks and then I’ll becoming back there will be nothing to worry about”
But Frank couldn’t help him self “What happens if there’s something wrong and I’m not there and what about the baby?”
“Frankie, it will be fine I promise, I promise to call stop being so worried it’s like you’re the one that is pregnant” Kate said with a laugh
Finally Bridget had finished booking the flight to and from Australia, both girls would be leaving tomorrow at 10am for a 20hr flight to Australia with a 2hr stopover in Singapore and then coming back to Europe both girls would meet the boys in Spain on June 22nd.
Knowing the details Kate rang her sister and got a warm reception from her, Kate was a little startled at first thinking maybe Emma would be angry at her cause it had taken her so long to ring and plan to come back home but she wasnt and she was excited that Kate was going to be there. Once hanging up it was time to go so everything was loaded on to the tour bus and Kate was finally able to tell Gerard the plans, Gerard was glad that Kate would be there with him today for the festival but he knew he was going to be sad when she left, he loved having her with him and he didnt want her to leave.
The guys were all genuinely excited for Kate as she was going to become an aunt for the first time and asked that when she found out they wanted to know, the rest of the day seem to fly and Kate was fine with that she knew the boys would be flying to Prague and she was going to miss Gerard but she had done the long distance relationship before and to her it was like second nature.
Thoughts were running through her mind from her pregnancy to the impending arrival of her new niece or nephew as she knew that she should be there for her sister as she had been there for her and Kate knew if she didnt go it would hurt Emma’s feelings but at the same time she also had a few reservations.
If she went there her sister was bound to know she was pregnant or would find out somehow and then if she had to deal with her family about it, she wasnt sure if she would be able to cope, she had finally come to terms that her son had passed away and that there was a new life growing inside of her and at the moment she wasnt really sure who the father was, it was as though her feelings were resurfacing and she just couldn’t deal with them, she didnt have the energy to go through it but it she eventually she would have to.
To her life didnt seem perfect if anything it was bearable she had lost her only child and now she was bringing another one in to the world which she knew she wasnt ready for, her feelings were mixed it was like a cloud of darkness was falling over her and it was going to swallow her whole where she would be able to pity herself in her own misery.
But if she did where would she end and would she survive? she knew she had already gone through so much in the past few months and she wasnt ready to go through the turmoil again.
At the same time Kate knew she couldn’t succumb to her pitiful thoughts her desire was to get through these problems and succeed. Gerard stirred and rolled over where he went back to sleep.
Kate now free from his grasp got out of the bed she was now sharing with him and put her pj’s on which were laying on the floor from last nights festivities, walking around the hotel room Kate stared at the four walls with a blank expression not knowing really where to turn she didnt want her life to spiral out of control again she needed for these thoughts to disappear, she knew being pregnant was meant to be a joyous occasion especially as there was going to be a new bundle of joy but it was only bringing back memories of the child she had lost not too long ago and the wounds from that were still there.
Finally Kate had a shower and got dressed and made herself a hot cup of coffee looking over at the clock it was just after 7am she knew she should wake Gerard up as it would take him at least an hour to just get out of bed, so she sat next to him where he was sleeping and started to give him soft kisses on his lips hoping he would wake up but also not to startle him, slowly opening his eyes he could feel Kate’s soft lips against his looking at her she looked so beautiful and he was so happy to have her back in his life.
“Morning sleepy head”
“Huh, what time is it?”
“It’s just after 7 baby” he
“ Aww it’s too early”
“I know but you take forever and we have to go soon”
“What time did you get up? I didnt even hear you”
“A while ago... I’ve just been thinking” Kate said trying to be honest with Gerard
“What have you been thinking about?” Gerard said with his eyes still squinting together still trying to wake up
“Just about being pregnant and what I’m going to do and that when I think of it, it brings back memories of Hayden and its like I’m being pulled in to this dark place and I just don’t think I can cope and then there’s my sister who is due to have her baby and I’m not there for her and she was there for me and I know I should go but I just cant bring myself to do it, it’s like I’m frozen and I cant move and I want to move I want to be the person I use to be not this emotional wreck that I have become” Kate said with a tear sliding down her cheek
“Kate it’s ok, I know this must be hard for you, I cant say I know what your feeling cause that isn’t the truth but know that I am here for you and I wanna help you and this baby it’s going to be loved no matter what and you are going to be a fantastic mother”
“I think more then anything I’m just scared, I want this baby to be yours more then anything I want us to have our own little family”
“Katie its not worth worrying about right now when its time we will then know and I think you should be there for your sister she would want you there and I don’t want to keep you here”
“That’s it your not keeping me here, I’m just being too stubborn thinking everything revolves around me and it shouldn’t, I guess I should go back home and see my family”
Gerard finally got out of bed still wearing nothing and wrapped his arms around Kate, Kate couldn’t help but laugh as she felt his member prod against her
“What’s so funny” Gerard said whispering into her ear
“You, your naked” Kate said with a little giggle
Gerard loved the way she laughed it was like a hehehe but louder and her nose always scrunched up like a button which to him made her so adorable, he hated the way she was feeling about being pregnant he wished he could really tell her how he was feeling and what he and Frank had spoken about but he didnt want to put anymore strain on her.
After Gerard let Kate go he went and had a shower while Kate walked to Frank’s room where Bridget was and arranged for flights to be booked to Australia, Frank was a little surprised that she would be leaving he didnt want her to go and he started to panic
“Frank its ok, I’ll only be gone for a couple of weeks and then I’ll becoming back there will be nothing to worry about”
But Frank couldn’t help him self “What happens if there’s something wrong and I’m not there and what about the baby?”
“Frankie, it will be fine I promise, I promise to call stop being so worried it’s like you’re the one that is pregnant” Kate said with a laugh
Finally Bridget had finished booking the flight to and from Australia, both girls would be leaving tomorrow at 10am for a 20hr flight to Australia with a 2hr stopover in Singapore and then coming back to Europe both girls would meet the boys in Spain on June 22nd.
Knowing the details Kate rang her sister and got a warm reception from her, Kate was a little startled at first thinking maybe Emma would be angry at her cause it had taken her so long to ring and plan to come back home but she wasnt and she was excited that Kate was going to be there. Once hanging up it was time to go so everything was loaded on to the tour bus and Kate was finally able to tell Gerard the plans, Gerard was glad that Kate would be there with him today for the festival but he knew he was going to be sad when she left, he loved having her with him and he didnt want her to leave.
The guys were all genuinely excited for Kate as she was going to become an aunt for the first time and asked that when she found out they wanted to know, the rest of the day seem to fly and Kate was fine with that she knew the boys would be flying to Prague and she was going to miss Gerard but she had done the long distance relationship before and to her it was like second nature.