Don't Turn Your Back My Dear, Never Turn Your Back On Fear

A week until Jussi leaves and two days after that, I leave. Jussi invited me to Tavastia for their first show to kick off the tour. How could I refuse not to go? Then early in the morning Jussi and the 69 Eyes are off, out of Helsinki. Until then, I'm going easy on my knee and working on my school. It's almost the end of the semester. I'll have a while for vacation before it's mandatory for me to return.

I hear the stories about Jussi. From tabloids, magazines, and my coworkers. I trust him, yet I'm terrified he'll do something. Never, have I been cheated on. I'm just an infant when it comes to that kind of pain. He'll do the right thing. His band mates will set him straight if he messes up.

It's not very hard to find tickets from here to New York. There's a stop in London first then New York but that's good enough. I meet Bam in New York, spend a few days with him, then drive down with him to West Chester. He leaves for Europe to see HIM and the 69 Eyes, I go to Virginia to see Beth and her family. Also be there when she does in labor so she can break my hand from squeezing so hard.

I got up from my floor and ran to my bathroom to fix my make up before going to work. I closed my laptop and ran out of the house before I get a little late. It's already after four and the sky is near black. This is Finland for you. Late sunrise and waaayy early sunset. It's freezing out too. My north face jacket helps with the wind but I'm still a cold Antoinette.

"You're really going to let him go on tour for months without YOU THERE?" I sighed and stared at Tatiana.

"I trust him."

"Well no kidding."

"Look, I know the stories about him. It took us literally forever to get in a 'couple' stage. He won't throw it away and his friends will stop him."

"I hope so. Just for your sake." Henna said and hugged me. "You're too young."

"You have no freakin idea how much I hate that phrase." Tatiana laughed at me.

"You're twenty."

"I've done more shit than you think. Let's get this day over with I have homework to do."

Ahhh, the most reliable and used excuse. I'm famous for it. That and the excuse for needing to exercise for track. Both have worked. Henna knew it was an excuse but a true one at least. I smirked to her and started working. Already it was 6:19 and the skies are just black as black can get. Quickly I hurried home to escape the cold, any Jussi fans, and any rapists. Most importantly, the Jussi fans. They'll be the ones to deliver me to the rapist and murdered-for-hire.

No surprise visits this night. I've free to finish my homework and finish packing the rest of my clothes. I have two large suitcases and a couple carry-ons. Call me an over packer. I can always wash my clothes but you never know when you'll need fancy clothes.

Tavastia Concert

I fixed my pimp hat that went with tonight's outfit; I can't make up my mind if I should lose it or keep it on. I stepped out of the club's bathroom into the club scene. I stood at the balcony of the venue. Under me were a screaming crowd and an empty stage. The already loud crowd screamed their hearts out when Jussi came out.

Behind him came the rest of the band. They stared out with a few old songs then moved on to their new stuff. The album that started their new European tour. I didn't get all heavy rocker on them and enjoyed the music. If I want to make a fool of myself I would get in the crowd below me and not pay attention to my boy friend's band. I won't see him after tonight for a few months.

I stayed at the top VIP area. They knew where I'm at. They'll find me before I'll ever find them. From my waist I saw tan arms. The rest of him was behind me and pressing against my back. I laughed and turned around to face mysecond lover.

"You weren't shirtless before."

"I decided on surprising you." I smirked and kissed him.

"Let's go find your friends."

"Awww, must we? I'm going to be stuck with them."

"Let's spend some time with them then we can leave early."

"I love you."

"I love you too hon."

Hand in hand we found the area Jussi's band were resting in. I greeted them and sat in an empty chair next to Jussi. Drinks came pouring like crazy. Enough beer to keep these guys satisfied and enough cocktails to keep me satisfied.

From the corner of my eye I smirked to Jussi. He's stolen my pimp hat and it sits on his spiky hair. It's going to fall off since his hair isn't so leveled. I smirked to him. He knows I want my pimp hat back. I know he wants to get out of here. I'll leave once my pimp hat is on back on my head. Seeing as that's not going to happen, we won't be leaving early like the drummer wants. Too bad for him.

"When you think you're leaving sweetheart?"

"In a few days."

"And Bam's expecting you?"

"Of course. I'll be with him then Beth."

"We'd love to hear from you and see you."

"Let's see if I have the time or actually know where you'll be."

I felt something hit my head. I felt my pimp hat back on my head. I looked at Jussi. He's ready to get the hell out of here. I finished my lemon drop cocktail and sat the empty glass on the table. Jussi stood up first and took my hand. He guided me out of my seat on to my feet.

"Someone's getting laid tonight." The band cooed together. I smirked.

"Possibly."

They let out cat calls as Jussi and I ran out from the VIP area to the exit of the club. I cling on to Jussi's hand while standing outside waiting for a cab. Finally a cab came to us. I playfully shoved Jussi to let me in first. Even though he's just as cold as I am. He gave the directions to his apartment to the driver and we were off.

Morning

It's not that I hate waking up alone in someone else's bed. I dislike it. It seems like the person doesn't care to wake me up and say, "I'm leaving." Instead I get a kiss on the forehead that I can't remember or feel. Then when I wake up certain, important, details are forgotten and I've confused myself over the situation. I ever checked outside the window in hopes of not waking up too late.

Downer on that, I have woken up too late to give a final goodbye. Damn it Jussi, why didn't you do something stupid that would wake me up involuntary? Because you were being the good boyfriend that doesn't want to disturb his girlfriend. It couldn't have killed him to just forget that... rule for one day. Ah well, it's too late now. He's on the road and I'm... well, in his apartment.

I picked up my clothes from the night before and put them on. Yawning and wearing one of Jussi's coats, I walked to the kitchen. I have no idea how the man survives. All I see is coffee and very little food. I rolled my eyes and decided that I'll eat at home. I searched this apartment for the rest of my things and anything that Jussi would have given me.

"A note would have been nice." I mumbled while going out the door and locking his apartment with an extra key he left on the kitchen table.

Snow reached to my ankles. I couldn't walk home; it's just madness. I sat quietly in the cab, praying that the driver wouldn't hit an ice patch and the crash being the death of me. At least let me see Beth's baby before something bad happens. I prayed during the drive. I gave the driver his money and hurried into the warmth of my apartment complex. I got my mail from the past couple days before climbing upstairs to my apartment.

I changed into simple grey jeans, a pink BAM element shirt, adios, and a volcom hoodie. I took my bright blue rolling luggage; there were one large one, and a small duffle bag. I took with me a volcom logo purse as my carry on. I debated about saying good bye to Ville but he's probably not in his apartment. I'll call him later on.

I stood in the lobby waiting for the cab I called, to come. The door opened letting in snow, cold, and a little bit of wind. I looked up and smiled at Ville. He looked surprised a little then hugged me.

"Darling are you leaving already?" I sighed.

"I told Jussi I would be leaving a day or two after him."

"But you're leaving now."

"I don't think you realize how packed planes and air ports are. I couldn't find a ticket for a few days from now."

"Why didn't you tell Jussi darling?" Ville said somewhat unhappy with me.

"It slipped my mind." I tried convincing him.

Where's that dumb taxi?

"Well it's too late now. He's on tour and he already knew you were leaving."
"Oh look, there's my cab." I got up. I gave Ville and kiss on the cheek and pranced out outside to the street. I gave the man my suitcases and got in the cab. I waved to Ville. He gave a small smile with unpleased eyes.

"He'll get over it. He's not my boyfriend." I whispered about Ville.

"Where to?"

"Air port please."

"Gate?"

"Ummm, I believe KLM Royal Dutch."

I checked my phone while waiting for my flight to be called. How did I not notice one missed call and a new voicemail? I put the phone to my ear waiting to hear the message.

"Ello love," I burst out smiling. "I'm sorry I didn't wake you up when I was getting ready. You looked to peaceful to be woken up. I love you Antoinette, you're the best thing that's happened to me this year. You can call me at any time. Have fun with Bam and your friends. I love you."

I saved the message and closed my phone. I smiled at the thought. This was better than a smelly note. It's a little short but very meaningful. I was ready to turn my phone off but I saw Jussi's face flashing on the screen. Underneath it read: Jussi calling....

"Morning babe." I smiled to the phone.

"Ello love. Did you get my message?"

"I certainly did. And I loved it; as well as I love you."

"You're not mad I didn't wake you?"

"Not any more. How's the bus ride?"

"Too early to hit the booze love." I chuckled with him. "Where are you love?"

"In the airport."

"Oh." He said with a down tone.

Smooth Antoinette.
Better than lying.
Or is it?