Don't Turn Your Back My Dear, Never Turn Your Back On Fear

Wow. That's all I can say after spending holidays with Bam. Pure madness that involved a mistletoe. To think, I didn't know Bam owned a mistletoe or hung one up for that matter. It was funny; I had fun giving little pecks to Bam. I can't stay with Bam forever, there's a bitchy pregnant lady waiting for me.

I get constant updates from Jussi, via phone calls not text messages. He's jealous of Bam. Bam gets to spend Christmas with me while Jussi is stuck on tour. Our first Christmas as a couple and Bam gets that pleasure instead of him. I can see why he's a little bitchy over it. If he plays his cards right, hopefully there'll be other holidays.

Bethany tightly hugged me trying getting closer but that bump in her belly denies it. I laughed at her and went on to hug her husband Harold. I next jumped on top of Jenna. She laughed and held on to my weight. I went on to see Tyson. There are more to our group, Jordan, Dan, but they're in college. Not able to come visit us. Though Tyson and Jenna are good enough for me.

"So Beth, when is that little runt due?" Tyson said, pulling me and Jenna on his lap.

"Soon. I want him-"

"Or her." Harold corrected.

"Yes, to get the fuck out of me!" I burst out laughing and dismissed the glares Beth gave me.

"You're pregnant darling."

"I fucking know that!"

I laughed more at her mood swings. She'll enjoy what comes out after this. She'll hate the labor process too. A bunch of hate words coming out of her mouth. None that hold any meaning, all out of pain. Along with the hate words will be pain. My hand will be crushed as Beth struggles to get the baby out of her.

"Jenna told us there's a boy in your life." Tyson smirked. I rolled my eyes at him.

"A rockstar." Jenna clarified. I glared at her and hit her boob.

"He was once a friend of Baltic’s."

"What happened?" Beth now became curious. My older brother isn't one to let go of friends.

"He told me I should stay away from him. I didn't listen to him and got a little close to him."

"Is Baltic mad at you?" I sighed.

"I pissed off him and Abby."

"Smooth Antoinette."

"Shut the fuck up Harold." I smirked. "You know I don't like people telling me what to do."

"Where is this boyfriend of yours?" Tyson asked, hoping that Jussi isn't with me.

Well obviously not. It might have been possible for me to get him to come with me if he wasn't going on tour. It actually would be nice to have a Christmas with a boyfriend. I haven't had that luck yet. I will one day.

"He's on tour." Tyson's grin fell into a worried face.

"Are you worried he'll do something?"

"Like what?"

"Cheat on you."

"I trust him." I announced to everyone.

"We'll be there when he screws you over." I smiled to Beth and blew her a kiss.

They've always been here for me; for the most stupid thing as not being able to find a pair of earrings to the most important thing as death or a boyfriend. I know all about his bad boy reputation and I don't really care. It doesn't bother me.

"C'mon Annie, I have to show you your room." I smiled to Beth and got off Tyson's lap. I helped her up and walked with her to the second floor.

"Are you okay?"

"It's the baby." I softly smiled, walking behind her to my room.

"You need to rest." I said like mother. Beth smiled to me and I took her to her room.

I've always had that mother's touch in me. I've taken care of kids since I was eight, many of them not my nieces and nephews. I know what's right for a pregnant woman and an infant. I eased Beth into her bed and sat on the corner as she breathed in. Any day now. Her baby won't be my niece or nephew but I'll certainly be called Auntie along with Jenna.

"If anything happens-"

"Shh! Don’t say that Bethany!" I angrily said.

"Antoinette, something feels wrong. I get these random pains that aren't apart of being a whale."

"Nothing will happen. You will poop out a cutie. End of story."

"But even if I do die, not now, but later on, take care of the child. Harold isn't a fit father. He works too much, barely home."

"He's devoted though."

"He can't do it alone. Be there for him. You know more about being a mom and you're not even one."

"It takes a baby to know one." I softly said. "Sleep and don't let your worries turn into nightmares. Jenna is taking me out tonight, Tyson will be joining us."

"What about Harold?" I sighed.

"Working from home."

"I swear, work is close to being first priority."

"We'll be back in a few hours. Only to a bar."

"But you can't-" I shushed her again with a smile.

"We have our connections. Don't worry yourself over me."

I left her and went to the room I was staying in. I pulled out this outfit to wear tonight. I found a black winter coat and combined that with the outfit. I took a shower, drying my hair and putting on black eyeliner with a dab of red eye shadow. With time to spare I stared at my hair. I'm due for a re-dying session. The black is fading and the blonde I have underneath is getting ugly.

"Annie! Let's go!" Jenna pulled me away from the mirror and forced me to run down the stairs.

"You're going to freeze." Tyson laughed as I avoided getting snow in my shoe.

"We won't be outside much, I'll survive." He shrugged his shoulder and started his car. Jenna and I sat in the back, holding each other. We had one more stop, the house of Tyson's new girlfriend.

Early Morning

I'm drunk. More drunk than anything. And I wish that my phone would stop making this noise. I want to sleep at least an hour before Beth forces me off. I'm not sure if I can take the beeping anymore though. It's keeping me from sleeping and it's not helping my head.

"You've got five minutes before I pass out." I roared into the phone.

"I'm sorry." Jussi quietly said.

"It's five in the morning and I just got back from a club." I whined.

"Why were you doing that?"

"Because it beats sitting around the house with a bitchy pregnant woman. Why are you calling?"

"Aren't you happy that I'm calling you?"

"I'm drunk and I want to sleep. Sorry dear."

"We're going to be in Ireland soon."

"You better make good decisions." I teased.

"ANTOINETTE!"

"Fucking hell!" I hissed in a whisper.

"Pregnant lady?" Jussi asked.

"You are correct my love."

"ANTOINETTE KAVINSTAVANTI!" Beth yelled once more.

"FOR HELL'S SAKE WOMAN! LET A DRUNKEN GIRL SLEEP!"

"Annie, I'm going to go." Jussi said in a quiet voice.

"What? No."

"You're friend needs you and I'm depriving her."

"Ugh." I groaned. "I just want to sleep."

"Bye Love."

"Bye darling." I hung the phone up and laid my head against the pillow.

Seconds after that Beth screamed my name again. I sighed and pushed away all the covers. Still in my clothes from before I walked down stairs to see my friend. I found her in the kitchen munching on goldfish and melted chocolate. No one with her. I took a seat next to her, eating the food with her.

She's been crying. Her eyes are red, she holding back a runny nose. It can be anything: from missing her parents, me not there, Harold working too much, hormones, the baby. Even though he won't let me sleep, I love her and I can't help but feel sorry about her current state. Just being with her right now means life to her.

Without words I rubbed my hand against her hands. They were cold; death cold. Though she won't want me to worry. That's how she is. Others before me. Geez, think how true that is once the baby comes. Forget looking hot herself, she's going to be focusing on the baby's hair. Gelling it or pig tailing it.

"Bethany, please, don't trouble yourself. It's not healthy. For you and the baby."

"Oh Annie! My Queen of France!" She sobbed.

I know something is up when she says 'Oh Annie! My Queen of France!'. I'm the Queen of Scotland, the queen of all things penguin like. And she's called me Ann most of the time rather than Annie.

Her mouth won't say more. I cleaned up the hardened orange dark chocolate and bag of parmesan gold fish. I switched those for a simple glass of water and a glass of Malibu and pineapple juice for me. Might as well keep my alcohol buzz going while it's still strong.

She stared at the water, not wanting to take it. I sipped on my drink watching her think over herself. Her head rose from being hung low and softly smiled to me. Barely a twitch of my lips, but it was a smile none the less.

"Go to bed Annie."

"I'm worried about you Beth. This isn't you."

"Annie, I'm not asking or suggesting you to go to be. I'm ordering you to go to bed."

No use in fighting with a pregnant woman. I freed myself from kitchen, carrying my drink with me back upstairs. Dispite all her yelling, everyone else sleeps with ease. I had all the intensions to go straight to my room. A detour had been taken once seeing a sliver of the nursery.

Didn't I say others before her? I can't help but hopelessly sigh at what she's done. I closed the door completely, heading back to my room. I downed the rest of the drink in sips. Finished with the drink I hurried into bed; feeling an oncoming headache that I want avoid by sleeping.

After a warm shower and fixing my headache with pain killers, I dressed in black jeans, a blank white long sleeve, and black original uggs. I took my phone with me, going downstairs to find my friends. I saw them then went back upstairs to put some make up on. Lines of liquid black eyeliner around my eye [think of Lara Jade's usual makeup]. I found a pomegranate and started ripping it apart while Tyson talked about any plans for the day.

"Where's Beth?" I suddenly asked.

"Sleeping." Jenna answered for me and began helping me with eating the pomegranate berries.

"She should be due any soon now." Beth's mom said, also taking part in eating pomegranate berries.

From behind us, Beth's dad was getting off the phone with a Chinese place. He's made reservations for everyone in the house. Harold too. I looked towards Jenna, making a small bet with her that Harold will come but sit at a separate table working. She frowned to me said the bet is unfair; I had stolen her thought. I rolled my eyes and didn't change the bet. Jenna changed her thought and betted that Harold won't even show. All in all, both are sad yet true statements.

Being the time manager, Beth's dad had us all divided into two cars. Me driving with Jenna, Tyson and Beth's parents in their Audi. Harold, Beth, and three of their friend whom I don't know went in Beth's Jeep Cherokee. I drove behind him, not knowing my way around Hopewell, Virginia.

"Antoinette, tell us about the boy you're with." I glared at Jenna. She stuck her tongue at me.

"He's a musician. Finnish." I smirked, looking at Beth's mom through the mirror.

"Where is he know?"

"He's on tour; somewhere in Ireland."

"Aren't you worried?" I sighed.

"I've been asked that over and over again. Soon I'm going to lose my faith in him because of you people." I sourly said.

Suddenly Jenna started giggling. "You look like a penguin. And you even have your penguin bag with out!"

We all laughed with her. Queen of all things penguin like. I didn't plan on this either, something simple. I don't want to get guys all around me. That's just as bad as Jussi having girls around himself. Ha to think, if Jussi were here, he would beat down any guy. Protective little bugger.