Deep Inside

Camilla

His rough hand made contact with my sore face, my wake up call. I tightened my eyes as the pain pounded through my left cheek.
“Get up, we’re leaving in a half hour” His voice is hard, angry. He’s in a bad mood, just great. At that moment I realise my arm is free from the bed-post. I stretch is carefully, making sure it’s not broken. The bone makes a protesting crack, but it doesn’t hurt. My wrist is covered with an array of dark and light coloured bruises.

“Jason?” I whisper, even I can hear the broken, tiredness and weakness in my voice. He turns around, with no emotion on his face.
“I’m sorry for what I am to you” I whisper. I close my eyes. “I’m sorry, you have to be like this because of me” I tell him. After all it’s not his fault. I know what that pain is like. Living without the one you need. I know how it feels and I’d do anything I could to get that one person back - maybe not go as far as beating them until their near dead, but I’d go to the extreme. Jason is just lost, he’s been driven to this man because of the feelings I have made him have. It’s my fault he’s like this. I stuck with him through his addiction, through his surgery, while he hit and beat me. I should’ve walked then. I should’ve shown him it wasn’t okay to do that. I should’ve stood up for myself when I had the chance to, when I was strong.

A different look shines in his eyes momentarily and he almost smiles, but something seems to knock into him seconds later and he collects himself.
“Get dressed” He orders, his mask replaced. I sigh and slide off the edge of the bed. Holding my breath with every move.

The light in the room is dense, dark. I wonder when I get out into the sun will I just cower away from it? Will it burn me? Although I guess I’ll have to get used to it, no sunlight.

I get dressed as quickly as possible, the bruises, cuts and sores all over my body prevent it from being a speedy action though. The jeans rub uncomfortably against my skin, and the cotton feels weird over my arms. Scratching at the non-healed wounds.
Shoes are left by the foot of the bed for me, I shove into the trainers and pull the large jumper over my head.
I hobble towards the door and open it slowly. Jason is standing there with Kevin and Niall, having a ‘serious’ conversation. Jason catches sight of me and turns up his nose.
“You look horrible, you could’ve taken better care of yourself Camilla. How am I to explain this to the people who have to look at your ugly face?” He spits at me. I shrug meekly and stand there like an utter fool.

“Pete is downstairs, he’s checking us out. Get your shit and I’ll meet you down there Niall. Kevin come with me” He orders. I don’t move as Jason and Niall begin walking down the corridor, the quick feeling of freedom suddenly hits me. If I act quickly I’ll be able to escape this asshole. They’re awake and watching through the peep-holes, they told me they were. If he just opens his door I can run in quickly. C’mon, somebody!
But Jason turns around quickly and stares at me. “What are you waiting for? A personal Invitation? Hurry up you slut, I haven’t got all day!” He bellows. I sigh internally, I should’ve known it wouldn’t have been that easy.

As my footsteps are slow and measured I hear the noise of a door creaking open behind me and shutting quickly. Fast footsteps over take me and the movement of long flowing brown hair takes my attention for a minute, the smell of the perfume is familiar.
My pace unconsciously quickens, wanting to know who that person is. Jason scowls at me as I ‘sluggishly’ follow him around the corner and to the elevators. Every footstep hurts. Every movement of my torso gives a stabbingly painful tug on my ribs.

She’s leaning against the wall, back turned to me. She’s pressed the ‘down’ button. Jason pounds the already alight button impatiently. His eyes roam over the woman’s’ figure repeatedly, apparently not caring that I am clearly watching him.
“Put your hood up, I don’t want people asking questions” He snaps at me. I raise my hands quickly but drop them with a gasp. The gash Jason had slit along my forearm stings painfully, bringing tears to my eyes. I bite my lip and try my hardest to not pay attention to the death glare he’s giving me right now.

“Kevin put her fucking hood up before she makes an even more deal about herself, you self-centred cow” her mutters. She stiffens at that. I could see her body automatically stiffen as he insulted me. I try to rack my brains as to where I’ve seen her before. Where has she been? What part of my memory is she from?

Kevin takes one step towards me, his back towards Jason. Blocking my entire view from the monster. Kevin’s eye widen, warning me and questioning me at the same. He brings the hood from my shoulders over my head quickly but cautiously. I give him a struggled smile, thanking him. He gives me a warm look in reply, but the guilt is there in his eyes.

The doors ping and Jason bounds for the doors. I shuffle quietly into the elevator and just before Jason can press the ‘close doors’ button she slides in. Her kind face, usually loving and happy is serious and angry. How I didn’t recognise her earlier is beyond me. But she doesn’t even glance at me, do I look so unrecognisable? I guess I wasn’t looking out for her though, I was looking out for Dougie or Danny. They possibly thought it was a better idea… I suppose it is. He won’t recognise her at all.

The question is answered within minutes, I glance at the walls of the elevator but instead come into contact with the image of me. Mirrored glass, panels all the walls of the elevator, giving me the image of my body for the first time since I’ve been trapped here.

I nearly start crying. I barely even look like me. Two large black circles are in the place of my eyes, which are swollen and look seriously out of proportion. A mix between tears, salt and blood is matted into my hair that is visible. It’s dirty and knotty. I can’t see the rest of me, my legs and arms will be bad but my stomach will be worse. It will be terrifying to see the state my body is in. It’s one thing to feel it, it’s an entirely other thing to see the aftermaths and having to deal with it.

The doors open on the lobby floor and I walk out swiftly. The place is busy for early in the morning. I slow my pace but Jason shoves me forwards just as I see her from the corner of my eye leaving the elevator and turning right. She glances swiftly and that quick action gives me peace.

“Hurry up, Camilla!” He whispers into my ear. But I double up dramatically, standing directly in his line.
“Jason” I choke out, clinging to his jumper with one hand and my stomach with my other. He takes my hand from his jumper and throws it from him.
“What is the matter with you?” he snarls. “Get up, stand up straight now!” He threatens in my ear. I gasp in ‘pain’, hoping I’m not too bad at this.
“I need the bathroom Jason” I let my breathing become jagged. The tears I had previously pushed away I now let flow down my cheeks.

“Excuse me? Is everything all right here?” A woman asks us, I glance at her and see the shiny gold name of ‘manager’ pinned to her blazer.
“Everything is just fine, my girlfriend is just having stomach pains” He tells her, trying his hardest to be polite.
“Maybe I should take her to the bathroom? Or do you need some medicine?” She asks me kindly. She looks worried and shoots Jason and Kevin iffy looks. Jason shakes his head quickly.
“No, that’s okay. I’ll bring her to the bathroom. She’ll be fine, she’s only looking for attention” he tries to laugh it off, but I see the manager glance down at me questioningly. His hand clasps around my arms painfully.
“I’ll just be over there” She points to the main desk. It sounds more like a threat. Jason nods stiffly and she walks away.

His hand tightens around my upper arm, the one area that doesn’t seem to be harmed - yet. I breath out in relief.
“If you’re playing games I swear you’ll pay for this later” he mutters under his breath then straightens up. “Kevin, bring her to the bathroom, that manager bitch is watching us” Jason tells Kevin.

Kevin nods and starts walking, I scramble after him as quickly as I can and the second we turn the corner he talks.
“I hope this is a good plan Camilla, otherwise it’s not going to work” He warns me.
“Just say I never came out” I tell him in a breathy voice.
“Okay, fine. Go.” He pushes me roughly but I can tell he’s trying to be careful. I take a quick step forward then turn around.

“Thank you Kevin” I whisper. He nods stiffly - like Jason had before - and leans against the wall outside the ladies’ bathroom. I open the door quickly to see Giovanna pacing up and down. She looks up the second the door opens and she smiles widely. All the worry and fear drops from her gorgeous face and she runs those three steps towards me, engulfing me in a tight hug. I wince from the pain and she lets go immediately. But in that second it hits me, I won’t be a victim of that life I had seen with Jason. It won’t be like that. I can tell Dougie how I feel. I can apologize to him over and over. I can live my life without the fear of him. Although I will always be looking over my shoulder.

“Oh my God…” She whispers, smiling at me. “I can’t believe you did it”
I grin back at her, for the first time in what feels like years, I’m actually happy to smile.
“Me neither” My voice croaks. She grabs my hand in hers and places her other on the door.
“C’mon, I know Dougie’s just been a mess” His name brings a beat to my heart, a beat that sends sparks through my body. Sending heat, love and joy. For that one beat, I can feel no pain. I can’t remember the fear. I don’t know the meaning of anger. It’s a joyous moment, one I plan to relieve.

Giovanna opens the door wide, a smile on my face. That smile soon vanishes as his cruel, ugly, raving face is on the other side.
“Going somewhere?” He jeers and hits me across the head. I would’ve fallen if she hadn’t been holding onto me.
He found out, with carefully planning all night he still finds out. He’s got sources everywhere and ears like a rat. Turns out Kevin wasn’t caring for me. The liar. Will I ever escape him?