I Can See You Awake Anytime In My Head

“Babe, please what were you thinking? What was going through your head at that time that could possibly lead you to this crazy idea?”

I watched as he shuffled his feet as he tried to think of an answer.

“I guess I wasn’t. I seriously thought that they wouldn’t pick me because of who I was.”

“Bobby, that’s the dumbest idea in the world! Why wouldn’t they pick you? Do you know how many famous people they’ve been trying to recruit? Most just buy them off but you go right up to them and enlist! I can’t believe you would do this.”

“I know, I guess I was drunk or something because I never wanted to be in the army.”

“Well, congratulations because now you’re a proud member of the United States Army. Have you told the guys yet?”

He lowered his head in shame.

“No, not yet. Kylee I don’t think I can. They’re gonna hate me and then replace me with someone else.”

I walked over to him and placed my arms around his shoulders.

“They won’t replace you, Bobby. You’re the best drummer in the whole music industry. You and I both know that!”

“Thanks Lee, you’re the best girlfriend in the world.”

He leaned back and attached his lips to mine. We made out for a few more minutes before I broke contact and went over to the counter to grab the car keys.

“C’mon, we’re gonna go tell the guys. They need to know Bobby. I’ll be right there with you the entire time.”

He laced his fingers with mine and together we walked outside to his car. He got in the driver’s side and took off for Gerard’s house. The drive only took ten minutes with traffic and once we were outside his house, he sighed and shut off the car.

“Kylee, I’m scared, what if they’re really pissed?”

“Bobby, they’re your friends. They’ll understand, besides, maybe you can work something out with the tour director.”

He flashed a smile and I returned it before leaving the car. I walked around and intertwined my fingers with his. I led the way up to the front door and rang the bell. It opened a minute later by Mikey, who produced a large grin at us.

“Hey guys, what’s up?”

I nudged Bobby in the stomach.

“Oh, Mikey, are the others here? I have an announcement to make.”

Mikey studied us before his eyes got really big in excitement.

“Yeah everyone’s here, c’mon inside.”

He stood to the side and allowed us to enter.

“Everyone’s down in the family room. We were about to watch a movie and Gerard was seriously about to call you. Kinda freaky that you just turn up you know?”

Bobby tried to smilebut failed miserably at it. Mikey didn’t notice as we entered the family room. When he said everyone, he meant everyone. Gerard and Lyn-Z were on the couch with Frankie and Jamia. Alicia was cuddled up on the love seat and Ray and Krista were laughing about something in the other seat. Mikey clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. When all eyes were on him, he cleared his throat before being really dramatic and saying, “Guys, Bob and Kylee have an announcement to make.”

He winked at everyone in the room and I gave a puzzled look at he took his seat next to Alicia. The guys all wore identical smirks while the girls looked like they were ready to cry. This was just a little weird.

When Bobby didn’t make any movement to speak at all, I decided that I was going to have to start off for him.

“Um guys, Bobby has something to tell you. It might come as a shock at first, but you’ll get used to the idea quickly, I know I did. Anyway, he’s just nervous that you’ll hate him and that you’ll somehow replace him.”

Gerard cracked a huge smile, “Awe Bobbykins, we won’t hate you, and we certainly won’t replace you.”

“Gerard, you don’t even know what I’m gonna say.”

“Oh, I think we all have a pretty good idea.”

I exchanged glances with Bobby; I didn’t know what they were going on about. I noticed Lyn-Z searching my left hand for something, and it was then that it clicked about what they thought we were going to announce.

“Oh, no guys, it isn’t what you’re thinking.”

Mikey smirked, “And what are we thinking Kylee?”

“You think that Bobby and I are here to announce that we’re getting married…”

The girls squealed, “Oh, so, it’s true! Congrats Kylee! Are we going to be bridesmaids? This is going to be so much fun; did you guys set a date yet?”

Bobby tried to interject but the guys began talking about plans too.

“Cool so who’s gonna be the best man? It has to be one of us, unless you have a best friend back in Chicago which would be totally fine, but we’re all in the wedding party! This is going to be fun! And who said that wedding planning was for girls?”

I tried talking over them but I was just wasting my voice. I ran over to Alicia’s chair and stood up and screamed at the top of my lungs.

“SHUT UP!”

The room immediately became quiet and I smiled as I got off the chair.

“Listen guys, this wasn’t the announcement that we had to tell you. It’s more important than us getting married…which won’t be for a while, if we even decide to get married.”

Jamia stood up, “You guys aren’t getting married?”

“No, well, at least not right now, we haven’t talked about it; we’ve just been enjoying each other’s company. But Bobby does have something important to tell you. And I’m going to say again that he’s nervous that you’ll hate him and replace him.”

Gerard stood up as well, “Well, what is this big news? Bob doesn’t scare easily, so this must be huge.”

“It is, so, I’m going to let Bobby talk now.”

I backed up a little and sat down on the arm of the couch next to Lyn-Z. She gave a small smile as she returned her eyes back onto Bobby. I gave an encouraging smile as he sighed.

“Alright guys, I did something stupid. I don’t even know why I did it, I guess I thought that it wouldn’t happen, but it did. I sort of enlisted into the Army.”

I glanced around the room and they were all throwing blank stares at Bobby. He looked down to the floor in shame once more and I wanted to cry. I didn’t think that it would turn out like this.

“You really enlisted in the Army? It isn’t a joke?”

“No, Frank, it’s no joke. I don’t know how it happened, it just did. Do you guys hate me?”
Gerard walked over to Bobby and embraced him in a huge.

“Bob we could never hate you, you’re one of our best friends. You can’t get rid of us that easily. So, when do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. I meant to say something earlier but I didn’t know how.”

“Well, we’ll be there to send you off. You just better make sure that you come home. You can’t be the only band member not engaged or married!”

He beamed and hugged Gerard back. The other guys jumped up and all ran in for a group hug. I laughed as Frankie tripped and ended up around Gerard’s ankles.

“C’mon let’s watch that movie now! We’re gonna make this the best last night that you have for a while!”

***

“Bobby are you sure you’re ok? You sound upset.”

“I’m fine Kylee, listen I can’t talk long, but I wanted to tell you that I’m coming home early!”

“Babe that’s great. We can totally surprise the guys with your homecoming! When are you coming, do you need me to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll be home on Thursday. I’m excited to see you Kylee. I love you baby!”

“I love you too Bobby! I can’t wait until Thursday!”

I woke up, clutching my blanket. I shook the dream from my head as I sadly glanced over at the empty side of my bed. It had been vacant for three years now. Yet it seemed every night I was haunted by that last phone conversation. But this time it was different, I didn’t see me this time, I saw him. It was like I was standing next to him, watching as tears rolled down his eyes while he was talking to me. He knew that he wasn’t going to make it.

I shivered as I pulled the blankets back over top of me. The only thing that I ever liked about that dream was that I could see him alive, for at least a little while.