You're The One Mistake I Really Didn't Mind
Original
“Abby Rossi get back here!”
I ran down the stairs and out the door, not daring to look behind me as I went. I kept my pace as I rounded the corner of the street and dashed across to the other side. I ran until I became short of breath and stopped where I was. I brushed aside my red hair out of my green eyes as I exhaled slowly. I brought my hands to my kneecaps and bent over, trying to regain my breath. I hadn’t run like that since elementary school.
I rose and peered at my surroundings. I was at the cemetery of all places. I gave a hard stare before deciding to enter the eerie desolate area. I pushed opened the gate slowly and entered quietly. My stomach dropped to my knees as I saw the sea of gray headstones. Who knew that there were that many people?
I silently moved forward, careful not to tread on any of the areas surrounding the headstones. I crept along, pausing occasionally to read some of the names. I liked coming here to think; it was a quiet and deserted area. No one would ever to think to look here for me. That was the only good thing about a cemetery; it was always abandoned when you need to be alone.
I continued forward until I reached an alcove where people’s ashes were concealed. I shuddered but decided to rest for a moment. I sank to the ground and shivered as the wind bit at my exposed skin. Why was the weather always dreary when a person was among the dead? I let my head rest against the marble wall as I shut my eyes. My mind delved into what I was desperately trying to suppress.
“It wasn’t by choice that I had sex with him and I wasn’t planning on getting pregnant.”
Tears formed in my eyes and I brushed them away with my bare hand. I glanced down and saw the streaks of black eyeliner smudged against my pale skin. I brought my head up slowly and stared at my reflection in the marble across from me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Abby Rossi was ceasing to exist.
“He forced me and I wasn’t in the state to refuse.”
I laughed slightly as I thought back to the conversation that dramatically changed my entire being. My mother had the urge to spill out her life story and a tiny detail slipped out. This one little slip destroyed everything and nothing was going to reverse that.
“It was a mistake. I’ve made so many mistakes, Abby.”
I couldn’t believe that she had told me that. What had honestly compelled her to confess to me that I was a rape baby? I knew that I didn’t have a father, well, one that she never talked about. But now I knew why, but I didn’t want to know. I had been perfectly happy in my little delusional world where my parents just hadn’t worked out, not where I was an unwanted child. I didn’t want to be a constant reminder of some horrific event where she could have been traumatized.
The wind picked up slightly and I shivered once more. Why didn’t I think to bring out a jacket? I glanced up and noticed storm clouds rolling in, how cliché. God had a sense of humor.
“Abby? Abby, where are you?”
What was she doing here? How did she even know where to look?
“Abby Rossi, you come out here at once!”
I stood up and came out from my brooding spot. I didn’t call out yet though, now that I thought about it, I really didn’t look like her. She didn’t have my features; did I look like that man then?
“There you are, I should’ve known. I used to come here whenever I was mad about something too.”
“Really, I never thought people came here because it was so depressing.”
“Yes, that’s the basis of its appeal. No one would have ever thought to look here. But you’re my daughter, and I know you, so, this was the first place I came to.”
“I thought the same exact thing.”
“So, why did you run away like that?”
Oh yeah, like she didn’t know.
“Why did you suddenly confess to me your life story?”
“I asked you first dear.”
“What did you honestly think I would do? Sit there and be like ‘oh, ok so, you didn’t want to have me’?”
“I didn’t know how you would react, but I wasn’t expecting you to run away.”
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to hear that I’m a rape baby.”
“Touché, but Abby, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
“Oh, and how was it supposed to come out, mom? I don’t see how that could’ve come as less of a shock.”
“Me either.”
“Ok, now it’s your turn to answer my question. Why did you have to tell me?”
“I thought you needed to know. It was on my conscious and I couldn’t take it. It was bugging me to all ends. I kept hearing ‘tell her, tell her, she needs to know.’”
“Oh great, so, you’re hearing voices now?”
“No, don’t be silly, but I just knew that you needed to know.”
“Ok, but why now? Why the sudden rush to destroy my identity?”
“Well, you’re sixteen and, if I’m not mistaken, are starting, if you haven’t already, to think about boys in a different way.”
I stared at the ground and watched dust particles scatter around in the wind. Slowly I brought my eyes to hers and nodded.
“Yeah, I am.”
She stared but smiled after a minute passed.
“I thought so. You see, you do need to know because not all guys are safe. Look what happened in my case. I just don’t want that to happen to you, sweetie.”
“Oh, yeah, in your case you got pregnant with me and your entire life messed up. So, you really didn’t want me, but you got stuck with me.”
She placed her hand firmly on my shoulder and brought my face to hers.
“Abby, I want you to listen to me. I didn’t have to keep you if I didn’t want to. My own mother wanted me to give you away. She said that I wouldn’t want you because it would serve as a reminder of my own stupidity.”
My jaw slackened, “Is that why grandma doesn’t like me?”
She laughed, “No, I don’t know, maybe. But she’s older now and passed knowing the difference between respectful and blunt.”
I shrugged off her hand and began ambling down the path toward my house. I heard my mom’s scurried footsteps come up behind me.
“Abby, wait a minute.”
I halted in my tracks and slowly spun around, “What?”
She stepped forward and knelt down so she could look up into my eyes.
“I resent that man for a lot of things, Abby. A lot. But there’s one thing that I’m grateful for, and that’s you. You’re my perfect little mistake.”
My eyes began burning as I chuckled softly. She stood up and embraced me tightly. I fit perfectly into her arms. We broke apart after a moment or so and we set off from the cemetery toward home.
Our home.
I ran down the stairs and out the door, not daring to look behind me as I went. I kept my pace as I rounded the corner of the street and dashed across to the other side. I ran until I became short of breath and stopped where I was. I brushed aside my red hair out of my green eyes as I exhaled slowly. I brought my hands to my kneecaps and bent over, trying to regain my breath. I hadn’t run like that since elementary school.
I rose and peered at my surroundings. I was at the cemetery of all places. I gave a hard stare before deciding to enter the eerie desolate area. I pushed opened the gate slowly and entered quietly. My stomach dropped to my knees as I saw the sea of gray headstones. Who knew that there were that many people?
I silently moved forward, careful not to tread on any of the areas surrounding the headstones. I crept along, pausing occasionally to read some of the names. I liked coming here to think; it was a quiet and deserted area. No one would ever to think to look here for me. That was the only good thing about a cemetery; it was always abandoned when you need to be alone.
I continued forward until I reached an alcove where people’s ashes were concealed. I shuddered but decided to rest for a moment. I sank to the ground and shivered as the wind bit at my exposed skin. Why was the weather always dreary when a person was among the dead? I let my head rest against the marble wall as I shut my eyes. My mind delved into what I was desperately trying to suppress.
“It wasn’t by choice that I had sex with him and I wasn’t planning on getting pregnant.”
Tears formed in my eyes and I brushed them away with my bare hand. I glanced down and saw the streaks of black eyeliner smudged against my pale skin. I brought my head up slowly and stared at my reflection in the marble across from me. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Abby Rossi was ceasing to exist.
“He forced me and I wasn’t in the state to refuse.”
I laughed slightly as I thought back to the conversation that dramatically changed my entire being. My mother had the urge to spill out her life story and a tiny detail slipped out. This one little slip destroyed everything and nothing was going to reverse that.
“It was a mistake. I’ve made so many mistakes, Abby.”
I couldn’t believe that she had told me that. What had honestly compelled her to confess to me that I was a rape baby? I knew that I didn’t have a father, well, one that she never talked about. But now I knew why, but I didn’t want to know. I had been perfectly happy in my little delusional world where my parents just hadn’t worked out, not where I was an unwanted child. I didn’t want to be a constant reminder of some horrific event where she could have been traumatized.
The wind picked up slightly and I shivered once more. Why didn’t I think to bring out a jacket? I glanced up and noticed storm clouds rolling in, how cliché. God had a sense of humor.
“Abby? Abby, where are you?”
What was she doing here? How did she even know where to look?
“Abby Rossi, you come out here at once!”
I stood up and came out from my brooding spot. I didn’t call out yet though, now that I thought about it, I really didn’t look like her. She didn’t have my features; did I look like that man then?
“There you are, I should’ve known. I used to come here whenever I was mad about something too.”
“Really, I never thought people came here because it was so depressing.”
“Yes, that’s the basis of its appeal. No one would have ever thought to look here. But you’re my daughter, and I know you, so, this was the first place I came to.”
“I thought the same exact thing.”
“So, why did you run away like that?”
Oh yeah, like she didn’t know.
“Why did you suddenly confess to me your life story?”
“I asked you first dear.”
“What did you honestly think I would do? Sit there and be like ‘oh, ok so, you didn’t want to have me’?”
“I didn’t know how you would react, but I wasn’t expecting you to run away.”
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to hear that I’m a rape baby.”
“Touché, but Abby, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
“Oh, and how was it supposed to come out, mom? I don’t see how that could’ve come as less of a shock.”
“Me either.”
“Ok, now it’s your turn to answer my question. Why did you have to tell me?”
“I thought you needed to know. It was on my conscious and I couldn’t take it. It was bugging me to all ends. I kept hearing ‘tell her, tell her, she needs to know.’”
“Oh great, so, you’re hearing voices now?”
“No, don’t be silly, but I just knew that you needed to know.”
“Ok, but why now? Why the sudden rush to destroy my identity?”
“Well, you’re sixteen and, if I’m not mistaken, are starting, if you haven’t already, to think about boys in a different way.”
I stared at the ground and watched dust particles scatter around in the wind. Slowly I brought my eyes to hers and nodded.
“Yeah, I am.”
She stared but smiled after a minute passed.
“I thought so. You see, you do need to know because not all guys are safe. Look what happened in my case. I just don’t want that to happen to you, sweetie.”
“Oh, yeah, in your case you got pregnant with me and your entire life messed up. So, you really didn’t want me, but you got stuck with me.”
She placed her hand firmly on my shoulder and brought my face to hers.
“Abby, I want you to listen to me. I didn’t have to keep you if I didn’t want to. My own mother wanted me to give you away. She said that I wouldn’t want you because it would serve as a reminder of my own stupidity.”
My jaw slackened, “Is that why grandma doesn’t like me?”
She laughed, “No, I don’t know, maybe. But she’s older now and passed knowing the difference between respectful and blunt.”
I shrugged off her hand and began ambling down the path toward my house. I heard my mom’s scurried footsteps come up behind me.
“Abby, wait a minute.”
I halted in my tracks and slowly spun around, “What?”
She stepped forward and knelt down so she could look up into my eyes.
“I resent that man for a lot of things, Abby. A lot. But there’s one thing that I’m grateful for, and that’s you. You’re my perfect little mistake.”
My eyes began burning as I chuckled softly. She stood up and embraced me tightly. I fit perfectly into her arms. We broke apart after a moment or so and we set off from the cemetery toward home.
Our home.