You Can't Save Her

I couldn't believe it. Harry, tainted me. I had to shower, I had to make a attempt at getting his filth off of me. I walk into the bathroom and turn on the hot water.

Watching the water start steaming, I debate with myself on if I should even turn on the cold water. My body still shaking like an earthquake was in my body. My vision just starting to become more clear. I look in the mirror, big mistake. My eyes swollen, and blood shot my face white and and red.

I looked like a angry vampire. Even my boring brown eyes stood out with it's new blood red back drop. My face, white as snow. Just my red nose and eyes showed any sign of color.

While waiting for the cold water to kick in, I walk over to the floor vent, reach inside and pull out my only true best friend. My razor blade. As I let the bath tub fill up, I sat down on the sink. I turned on the radio and blasted it all the up.

I tried to blast out my thoughts, but my razor blade was louder. I sit down on the floor and roll up my long sleeve, reveling old scars and new flesh where new ones can be.

With my razor in my right hand, I start cutting up the inside of my arm. I cut once, it hurt but didn't hurt enough. So I cut again and again and again, till my arm was covered in cuts.

My arm started bleeding out of control, so I grab a ace bandage and wrap it up tight, my world was becoming blurry, but not blurry enough. I look over in the mirror and get sick to my stomach.

I hated what I saw in the mirror, so I grabbed the scissors beside the sink and start cutting my hair. I couldn't look the same, not the way I looked when Harry made me dirty, when Harry violated me.

Soon my hair reached my cheeks, but I didn't stop there. I took out all my piercing, and wiped off all my makeup. I pop in my blue contacts, and cover all around my eyes black. I couldn't look the same. The blonde in my hair, gone. I didn't look the same anymore.

Seeing as I could barley see anything I get into the shower, keeping my arm out of course. Stepping out of the shower, and looking in the mirror the blur I saw looking back at me, was it really me? I looked so different.

I liked it, I liked looking so different.

After getting dressed I sneak into my moms and Harry's room, and steal half of his cigarettes and run back into my room. I deiced I was gonna smoke, since I was against it before tonight.

Opening the window of my sisters room, I get onto the roof above our porch and light up a cigarette. I bring the cigarette to my lips and inhale, but started chocking on it. The tobacco burning my lungs, but yet I take another hit. Yet again I start coughing, but I was starting to get use to it.

After smoking through four cigarettes I see my sister come home so I jump through her window and run to my room changing clothes and spraying my other outfit down with perfume till I started gagging on the aroma it gave off. I look over to my closet, where there was a floor mirror, Temperance she was looking back at me, but yet it wasn't her.

I sigh and grab my jacket zipping it up, my stomach growled so I went to go feed it. “Temperance you look different.” Sarah says to me. “Meh, wanted a new look.” I say lying to her, and walking into the kitchen.

However something was different when I opened the fridge door. All the food I saw looked disgusting. I go over to the pantry and still the same reaction. So I sigh and walk up the back stairs, back to my room.

What has happened to me? I think to myself laying on the floor, I had to burn my blankets and buy new ones.

Was this the end of me, just the me being reborn?