Milestones: Commitment

Groaning in frustration, Brian snapped his cell phone shut, cutting off the sound of the voicemail picking up his call. He had been trying to get a hold of Michelle for days, and not once did she answer or call him back. Looking down at the gravel beneath him, he kicked a rock, watching it bounce along the ground as he pocketed his phone, thinking of her.

He couldn't get her off his mind, to put it shortly. After going without her for so long, he didn't exactly know why he was calling Michelle or what he planned to say if she ever answered. He really just wanted to hear her voice, and know that she was alright. Lord knows Brian wasn't.

The loneliness that plagued him during the first tour really took hold, and he tried to get around it. First, he tried the alcohol that he and his friends got their hands on, but it had only made him mope around even more. He had dabbled in drugs after, looking for something more potent to ease his mind. At first, it seemed to work, but he had dug himself into a deep hole he couldn't get back out of alone.

While he was using, Brian would somehow find a girl to help him ease his troubles, and he wouldn't return to the van after the shows he and the band played until well into the night. The rest of the guys, and Val, knew that it wasn't going to do anything good for the band. Due to his late night adventures, Brian would prevent the band from picking up and heading to the next small venue they were scheduled to play. They had wound up late to their own shows on more than one occasion, and Val finally decided to take matters into her own hands.

She kept an eye on Brian at all times, getting him slowly back to the man he had been before his drug experimentations. She would never reveal such behavior to her sister over the phone, so Val opted to just steer clear of mentioning Brian at all when she would call Michelle.

Brian, on the other hand, didn't dare call Michelle while he was strung out, partly out of shame toward himself, and partly because he didn't want her to realize that when she had ended things, it had nearly crushed him. So he never called, even when her sweet voice was the only thing Brian wanted to hear. He had even thought of quitting the band and going home, just so he could go back to Michelle and try to make things right.

Thankfully, Brian possessed a little more self control and restraint for the tour they were currently on. He was able to control the urges to get his hands on any drug and any girl he could - partly due to Val still keeping an eye on him - but he still just couldn't stop thinking about Michelle. He knew he had fucked up, and that he had probably blown whatever chance with her that he had. But he would be damned if he didn't try to win her back.

Squinting against the bright sun as he leaned against the van, Brian exhaled the plume of smoke inhabiting his lungs from the cigarette he had just lit and taken a drag from. Hearing a heavy door creak open and then slam shut, he looked over toward the side of the building, seeing Val step out of the gas station bathroom. She wiped her wet hands on her jeans, and, spotting Brian alone, headed over to him.

"So, did you get in touch with her this time?" Val asked as she stuck her hands in her pockets, leaning against the hot, sun-soaked metal of the van. She figured now would be the perfect time to have a chat with Brian alone, since the rest of the guys were either inside the gas station getting food, or using the other restroom.

Sighing deeply, Brian kicked at another loose stone. "No," he grumbled, "she still won't answer her phone."

"Well, keep trying. She'll be bound to answer at least once, just to get you to stop calling," Val joked, but Brian didn't find it very funny.

"I don't know why she just won't talk to me. I thought this was going to be easy..."

"What did you expect, Bri?" Val asked, looking up at him as he looked away. "It's been a year. You broke her heart; she probably is glad you're gone and she doesn't have to deal with you."

"You're not really helping, Val," Brian said, sending her a glare, and she scoffed.

"Don't get all mad at me," she said, crossing her arms. "You're the one who's holding such high expectations of Michelle. She's not going to just crawl back to you, Brian. If you had wanted her to do that you should have called her a week after we left the first time. Not now. I haven't heard anything from her, but I wouldn't be too surprised if she's found someone else. She's gotta move on, Brian. You can't expect Michelle to just sit around and wait for you to pull your head out of your ass and grow up, you know? She's got better things to do with her time," Val said, showing the resentment she felt toward Brian for the way he had treated her sister in the end of their relationship. Sure, they were still best friends, but Michelle came first for her.

"Well, I would have called her if I hadn't gone and fucked myself up the first time around, and when I wasn't fucking around, I was too busy to call her," Brian said, trying to make excuses for himself, though he knew that there was really no way to shove the blame on anyone - or anything - else.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Brian. There's plenty of time to call when we take stops like these. Who cares if you'd only have gotten to talk to her for five minutes? It would have been better than waiting so goddamn long," Val growled, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she saw Zacky emerge from the gas station with a plastic bag in hand.

"I mean, take Zacky for example. He calls Sarah every damn chance he can, when he's not calling home to his family. Maybe you should learn a thing or two from him."

Sighing again, Brian nodded, crushing the spent cigarette into the pavement. He knew Val was right - he had plenty of opportunities before to call Michelle, even if it was just to say hi. He had really blown it.

"So, what do I do, then?" he asked, watching as the rest of his band mates headed toward the van, ready to hit the road again.

"I don't know if what you've done is really in any way repairable, but like I said: keep calling her. Maybe you could, oh I dunno... leave a message for once? Tell her how you fucking feel about her, since you obviously still feel something for her, and just get the fuck over it if she never wants to speak to you again," Val said, shrugging as she moved and slid the side door open, ushering the guys into the crowded, hot van. She kissed Matt on the cheek before he walked around to the driver's seat, and then turned to Brian.

"You've got shotgun until the next stop. I say you call her now before we leave while you've still got a chance," she said, crawling into the back of the van with Jimmy, Zacky, and Dameon.

Taking a deep breath, Brian pulled the cell phone from his pocket again, hearing the van's engine rumble to life. Taking a few steps away from it, he punched in Michelle's number again.

He waited while it rang and finally was picked up by the voice mail. Clearing his throat, Brian tried to find his voice.

"Uh, hey Michelle. You obviously know who this is, as I've not stopped called you in the past few days. I guess I'm just calling to say that I miss you. I wish I could hear your voice again - it's been way too long. And I know there's no one to blame for that but me, and I don't blame you for not calling me first. Your sister talked a little sense into me just now, so I've kinda figured some things out.

"But uh, I'd really like to just talk to you. If you don't want to ever talk to me or see me again, just tell me and I'll stop calling. The van's ready to go, so I guess if I don't hear from you, I'll try to call again, and I mean what I said. If you don't want me to call, just answer the phone, tell me, and hang up. I'll talk to you later, I guess. Bye," he said, hanging up the phone and sliding it into his pocket once more, chastising himself for sounding like such a queer on the phone, but he couldn't really change it now.

Getting into the passenger seat of the van, Brian closed his eyes and leaned into the seat, taking a deep breath.

"Dude, you okay?" Matt asked from beside him, wondering if maybe his friend was sick. Brian opened his eyes and looked ahead.

"I'm fine. Let's go," he mumbled, and Matt pulled out of the gas station lot, finding his way back to the highway.

Brian had given Michelle a choice, but he was hoping that she wouldn't cut him out of her life forever. Val was right - he still had feelings for Michelle - and he wasn't going to give her up without a fight, if that's what it came down to. He wasn't ready to let her go.