Never Be Afraid Again

I held the old man's hand in my own, feeling his grip weaken a little every few minutes. I didn't imagine it as a regular human might do. It wasn't just his hand, I could see his soul beginning to dim as it left this world for the next. It had been my job to watch over him for ten years, like I had done so for many others before. I had kept him alive this long but now it was his time to finally pass, to die in a natural way.

The only difference between the others and the one I was with now was that I had never actually witnessed their deaths. I had not been there to see the life drain out of them, had not seen the fear. It was never a common occurrence but the tears came just the same.
Not even a minute later I felt something like a spark light itself inside my brain, a familiar pulling sensation tugging at my mortal body. Heaven was beckoning me home, I was through with my duty. I didn't need to stay here, to watch his beautiful lights snuffed out.

But I did.

My small duty to heaven may have been fulfilled but my human duty to comfort until passing felt unfinished. The last hour that the man held on, I could feel their pull. But I never relented for even a moment. I stayed with him until he gave his final breath and I was left with an awful pain inside my chest - something I had never experienced before. I had no one to give me the words, there was no more time to learn. My job was done. I wanted to stay longer but I was an empty shell. It was time to go home…

If anger were allowed in heaven, I imagine that they would have been furious with me. It wasn't the first time that I had disobeyed their call. My tears had stopped as soon as I entered, they weren't allowed here either. But that was fine, my pain was over. I had simply been in my mortal body too long, had gotten too close to the old man I was sent to protect.

I expected demotion from Guardian Angel as soon as I floated through to the other side of the gates but instead I was being summoned to the High Angels. There was never a cause for anticipation here, I was not to be punished. Whenever someone did anything wrong, they knew immediately and the guilt was enough. But my confusion was present. Never had I been asked to join in counsel with the High Angels.

No more than a mere thought and I was entering their presence. There were a small group of Guardians already present including Baglis, Chamuel and Rhamiel. Bath Kol was smiling at me from her place in-between High Angels Jophiel and Zadiel. I was unsurprised to find Michael and Gabriel missing - they were always busy with war, death and everything in-between.

"Ambriel, so nice of you to finally join us." Zadiel remarked and Jophiel put a hand on his shoulder. Zadiel wasn't known for his patience, his specialties leaning more towards refinement and transformation. Not a good mix with my defiant and non-changing persona.

"Jophiel, Zadiel." I nodded to them both in respect. "How may I assist?"

Jophiel went to answer but Bath Kol interrupted, completely out of character.

"Ambriel is the one we need."

Jophiel raised a slender eyebrow and everyone's gaze fell upon me, as confused as I was.

"Very well." Jophiel smiled. "Everyone else may leave."

Zadiel turned to regard Bath Kol as soon as everyone was gone.

"You are certain?"

Bath Kol had never taken her eyes from me since I had entered, smiling as if she knew something very wonderful but was not at leisure to share. And that was very possible. She was known for prophecy and insights into the future, a very rare gift. I would have felt uneasy in this situation had it not been for Bath Kol. We were both angels of communication so we had a better understanding of each other and responded on a deeper level than most other angels.

We all watched her as she ignored Zadiel's question and made her way over to me. Without a word she placed her hands over my eyes and I was engulfed with flashes of numerous blurry images. It was a man with an average height and untidy hair. I couldn't see his facial features but he had an artist's hands and wore black most of the time.

The images went on and drew back until I could see other people, this man's friends and family. I could see the rest of them all clearly and I wondered absently why his was the only face I couldn’t see. As the images poured on, a name came booming into my mind over and over, only with a million different voices. They said 'Gerard' and the occasional 'Gee'. It all came so fast and loud that I thought for sure I was stuck in this trance but then it all came to a sudden stop.

Bath Kol had taken her hand from my eyes. Jophiel smiled at me in pity and Zadiel looked indignant. They must have been speaking while I was under Bath Kol's spell.

"Ambriel," Jophiel started. "You have been chosen to protect someone very special. If you succeed, you are to be promoted to High Angel."

I was stunned and even more confused than before. Tasks to become one of the High Angels were delicate and reserved only for the most experienced Guardians. I was a mere angel of communication and protection. I couldn't even begin to fathom why I was chosen.

"Why?" I asked.

Zadiel scoffed. "You know better than to question -"

Bath Kol put her hand on my shoulder and her voice drowned out Zadiel's.

Please accept, Ambriel. You're the only one who stands a chance to keep this boy alive.

We often spoke to each other inside our heads. It was more intimate, more comforting. But her words didn't comfort me. Tasks to become one of the High Angels were almost never successful. They always did a good job at protecting them, but they were never able to keep them alive until their due time. The only angels I knew of to complete their task were the ones in my presence.

I still didn't understand how a second-rate Guardian like me could pull this off. But because Bath Kol asked this of me, I would comply.

"Forgive me, Zadiel. I will take my assignment without question." I nodded humbly and he nodded back.

"We'll be watching." He remarked before giving me a smile with no real faith behind it.

Bath Kol took my hand gently and Jophiel nodded to us in dismissal. She led me out towards the gates, trying to console my apprehension and uncertainty.

You're going to do fine, Ambriel. I chose you for a reason. I can see things that you do not, and I promise you that it will all work out for the best.

I don't think I'm ready for this. I don't think I ever will be. You haven't even given me enough information. What am I supposed to do with a first name and a face I have yet to see?

Just take things as they go, be human. Learn and live. That's all you need to hear. Everything will work out.

You keep saying that.

And you keep disregarding it. When have I ever steered you wrong?

We passed outside the gates and I could already feel the human in me as I gave a deep sigh of resignation.

I'll be looking out for you. Now go.

I gave her hand one last squeeze and I was off to New York City. September 11th, 2001.