Just One of the Boys

We all stood in a circle downtown, punching each other and just fooling around. Nolan, being the pervert that he was, was telling a dirty joke, shouting it so the whole world could hear.

“Tell me,” he smirked, leaning a bit on Jack, who was nodding his head to a song known only to him. “What’s the speed limit of sex?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Tell me!” Jack demanded like the child he was, jumping up and down. “Tell me!”

“Sixty-eight, because at sixty-nine, you turn around!” Laughing from the crass joke, we acted like a typical group of guys. Which meant hitting on any of the girls that walked by.

“Seven,” Andrew whispered at a tanned blonde strutted passed us, her phone glued to her ear.

“Dude, she’s an eight!” Devon countered, staring wistfully at her backside. “What I would do for a girl like that…”

“Yeah, liked she’d ever dream of going after your ugly face!” Jeff teased, slapping him on the back. “Dream on, dumbass!” Devon scowled rubbing his back and watching until the girl turned into the local ice cream store.

“Excuse me, fellas, but I’m in the mood for some ice cream,” he announced, waggling his eyebrows. We all made catcalls as he raced down the street, adjusting his light blue shirt as he ran. Before entering the store, he flashed us a thumbs up before opening the door.

“Ten bucks says she turned him down,” I smirked, nudging Rian with my elbow. Rian raised an eyebrow, smirking back.

“You so sure about that? Devon’s pretty persuasive,” Rian hinted. “I might end up being ten dollars richer.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” I informed him. “You think this girl’s an easy lay, but trust me, she’s all about the chase. Notice the clothes? She wants the guys falling over her, but then she’ll reject them fast that you can snap your fingers.” Demonstrating, I snapped my fingers, letting the noise echo between us.

“You’re sure?” he questioned, staring at my fingers. “Maybe I won’t take this bet, then.”

“Can I at least have your number?” Devon begged as the bombshell walked out of the store, her little cup of ice cream cradled in her hand.

“Um, no,” she giggled, walking down towards up. Devon stood in front of the store, jaw agape and a flush spreading across his cheeks.

“How’d you know that?” Rian asked, smiling. “That was awesome!”

“I’ve been around the block a couple times,” I shrugged. “I just know girls.” The girl walked passed, dropping a mascara-ed eyelid in my direction. I blushed before turning away, shaking my head. The girl scoffed and continued her walk in a huff. The guys burst into laughter and elbowed me.

“Why the hell would you turn down that fine piece of ass?” Nolan demanded, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leaning on me. “I’d tap that.”

“See, that’s why,” I shrugged. “Anything you’d like to tap has to be easy, full of STDs, and looser than an anorexic girl in a XXL sweatshirt.” Nolan barked out in laughter, clapping me on the back while the others joined in, slapping me high fives. I smirked, raking in the praise. “It’s all in the charm.”

Claudia pulled up in her car, sunglasses covering her face while she climbed out, headed for the small bookstore across the street. “Hang on you guys,” I said, waving my hands for them to excuse me. “There’s my girlfriend. Hey! Claudia!” She looked up, bit back a smile, and waved to me.

“Hi Henry!” she called, locking her car as I jogged over to her. I pulled her into a hug, pressing my chin against her shoulder. “You owe me,” she hissed.

“Just as long as you remember your lines, it’s all good,” I whispered back. My phone buzzed and she grabbed it out of my hand, reading the text that Zack was sending from Starbucks.
“What the hell is this?” she demanded, holding it in front of my face. “Henry, what is Caitlyn texting you for?”

“Well you see, Claudia,” I shifted from foot to foot, before continuing, “we were on a break…”

“Oh hell no!” she cried, eyes wide as I stepped back. “You mean you two--!”

“I’m so sorry,” I apologized, as she took a horrified step backwards.

“You slept with her!” she shouted, shoving me backwards. “I trusted you! And you slept with
her!”

“Claudia, I didn’t want you to find out like this,” I begged. “Besides, we were on a break! I
didn’t think there was a relationship!”

“Oh so, we take a break and you instantly move in on someone?” she snapped, placing her hands on her hips while I held my hands up in defense.

“Guys, c’mon,” Rian called, ushering the crowd of guys away from our spectacle. “Let’s go.”

“We were on a break!” I demanded, causing Alex’s head to turn towards us, his eyebrows raised. “Claudia, talk to me!”

“No! Henry, right now, I don’t even want to look at you!” she cried, storming down the street.

“Claudia--”

“No, just get away from me!”

“It was a mistake!” I pleaded.

“A mistake? Where you trying to put it? Her purse?” she bellowed. “Just, leave me alone!”

“No! I want to talk about this,” I snapped.

“Alright, how was she?” she growled, crossing her arms. I could hear the guys shouting advise in the background.

“What?”

“Was she good? C’mon Henry, you said you wanted to talk about it!” she shouted. “Let’s talk about it! How was she?”

“She was…”

“She was awful!” Alex called his hands cupped over his mouth.

“Horrible, worst lay of my life!” Nolan added, crossing his fingers.

“She was…” I cleared my throat, choking on laugher. “She was…different.”

“Good different?” she hissed.

“Nobody likes change…” I insisted. Claudia flew at me, smacking my arms and head with her purse while all the others winced and moaned in pain. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry! I was disgusted with myself, and when we got back together, I was so happy and all I wanted was to get her out of my room--”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Claudia growled, holding her hand up. “She was there? When we made up? She was in the same room as you? Oh my god, she was there! She was in there when I was in there?”

“But the important thing was that she meant nothing to me!” I cried, trying to take her hands into mine.

“Oh, but she meant enough to ruin our relationship!” Claudia shouted.

“Look, I didn’t there was a relationship for me to ruin!” I shouted back, grasping her arm as
she tried to walk away from me. “I thought we were broken up!”

“We were on a break!” Claudia shrieked, ripping her arm from my hand.

“That for all I knew meant forever! For me, that meant a break up!”

“You think you’re going to get out of this because of a technicality--”

“I’m not trying to get out of anything! I thought our relationship was dead!” I argued. She cocked her hip and stuck her hands on her hips, glaring up at me.

“Well,” she sniffed, “you sure had a hell of a time at the lake!”

“C’mon, guys, let’s go,” Rian insisted, trying to drag the others away.

“Naw, this is more fun,” Jeff replied, shooing Rian. Claudia attempted not to giggle as she locked her jaw.

“And to have hear about it from a text she sent to your phone?” Claudia stomped her foot.

“You think I wanted that? I ran all over so that didn’t happen!” I insisted. The guys ooh, faces scrunched up in pain.

“Oh, that is so sweet,” she cooed sarcastically, placing her hands over her heart. “I think I’m falling in love with you all over again!” Upon hearing her sentence, I winced. Claudia noticed and took a step towards me, before Zack let out a hacking cough. She stepped back, glaring.

“Look, Claudia, I wanted to tell,” I pleaded. “I thought I should! I was going to, but then Chad and Joe convinced me not to!” I heard someone let out a noise similar to recognition, but I brushed it off. Racking my brain, I tried to remember the next few lines to the FRIENDS episode. “Don’t you realize that none of this would have ever happened if I had thought at that same moment you having sex with Mark?”

“Alright, say I had sex with Mark. Would you have ever been able to forgive me?”

“Yes I would,” I said weakly after a moments pause. .

“You’d be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me, been naked with me, and made love to me?” she hissed, stepping closer together. By now I was fighting back a smile.

“Yes?” I replied, still unsure of my answer.

“If you had know that our hot, sweaty--”

“Stop it! Stop it!” I shouted, covering my ears. “Alirght, I messed up!” I was going off the script now, and making it all up as I went along. “I messed up, and I slept with her! But Claudia, I’m so sorry! I never wanted this to happen, and I’d take it back if I could! Please, take me back!”

“I can’t! I can’t, Henry! You slept with her! You cheated on me, and worst of all, you thought I wouldn’t know! You thought that I’d be stupid enough not to find out!” she gasped, pressing her hands to her face. “You thought that you could get away with playing me!”

“I was drunk! I was so drunk, and I didn’t know what I was doing!” I cried, dropping to my knees. “Please, please, Claudia, take me back, please.”

“No! I can’t! Henry…I really do like you, and that’s what hurts the most. I thought you’d never hurt me. I thought that out of all the guys I’ve dated, you were the only one who wouldn’t do something like this to me! But you did, and I’m the stupid one for letting you! So no. I can’t, and I won’t,” she sniffed, pretending to brush tears away. “We’re through.” She pulled away from my grasp and ran through the group of sympathetic boys towards her car. Jumping into the drivers seat, she drove back to Mimi’s house, supposedly in a tearful rage.

I stayed were I was, kneeling on the ground, in shock, watching her car pull away. It took all my strength not to burst into laughter after delivering half of the Ross and Rachel break up scene from FRIENDS, and I knew that Claudia was probably peeing herself from laughing right now.

“Hey, c’mon,” Rian mumbled, sticking his hand out for me to take. I grasped it tightly, and stood, facing the others who held nothing but sympathy and pity on their faces. Except for Zack, who was red faced from trying to not burst into hysterics. “Let’s head back, okay?”

I nodded, following him back towards the dorms while the other guys clapped my on the back and muttered their apologies. As we walked, Alex and Zack struck up a conversation behind me.

“…seriously, someone stole my season three of FRIENDS,” Alex was complaining. “Do you have any idea where it got to?”

“Nope, no idea,” Zack fibbed, coming up behind us.

“Oh, sorry Alex,” Jack called from the front of the group. “I took it. I don’t know where one of the disks went, but as soon as I find it, I’ll give it to you, okay?”

“Sure, sure,” he said distractedly. “Hey, Henry, man, I’m sorry. That sucks.”

“Yeah,” I murmured. “It does. I’m such a douche-bag.”

“Hey, shit happens,” Nolan shrugged. “So you guys broke up. It sucks, but life does go on.

You can find yourself some other girl. Like that Holly one that Alex is pining over.”

“Hell no! Holly’s off limits,” Alex protested, shoving Nolan.

“Wait, Alex, I meant to tell you this. Claudia told me before…” I pretended to take a deep breath before continuing, “well, you know. But Holly went back home. Her mom wanted her go back to California, and she left last night. Sorry man.”

The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. Alex’s face fell, his eyes wide and disbelieving. It was like I ran over his puppy, put the car in reverse, and ran it over again, then got out of the car and kneed him in the balls. He closed his eyes before cursing loudly, head turned down to face the dirt coating his flip-flops.

“I’ll meet you back at the dorms,” he muttered distractedly before turning away form us and continuing in the opposite direction, no doubt headed for his secret place.

“Let it go,” Zack hissed in my ear, taking my arm in his hand and leading me along with the crowd. “You had to do it, you had to keep it a secret.” Although I knew the words were true, I couldn’t keep myself from wishing I had never said a word. Guilt was a bitch.