Just One of the Boys

That night, when Alex came back into the room, I had my covers tugged over my head, blocking me from his gaze. “Henry?” he whispered, leaning over towards me. “You asleep?”

I stayed in my position, blinking against the darkness surrounding me. The darkness grew, drowning me in the inky blackness of my mistake. Each time I blinked, I could picture his face, twisting in worry, one hand rubbing the back of his neck while the other uselessly fingered the hem of his “Glamour Kills” t-shirt. I chewed my lip and argued mentally with myself over if I should pull the covers back and talk to him, or to keep ignoring him like Zack advised.

“I guess you’re asleep, huh?” I could hear him moving towards his bed, but stopped suddenly. “To tell you the truth, I have no clue what the hell that was about. But still…” There was another pause before the bed squeaked, letting me know he had fallen onto his bed. “I mean, I have no idea what the hell that was. I mean, I think I’m straight, and I think you are too, so I dunno.” More squeaking, then silence. About ten minutes later, the only noise was his faint snores in time with my frantically beating heart.

As the moon grew, I kept my head hidden under the striped comforter, my eyes adjusting to the dark. Each time I blinked, I relived the kiss, each time I took a breath, I could smell his cologne, and each time I moved I could remember the stain of his fingertips against mine. He was like a drug, crawling under my skin and starting an itch, deep down where the blood veins traced blue rivers under the cells. The more I thought of him, the harder it was to let him go, to stop my hormones from taking over my brain.

Finally, I had had enough. Tossing the blankets back, I swung my legs over the side and tiptoed towards his bed, kneeling next to his side. I gently folded my arms and rested my head on them, watching his face. His chocolate eyes were hidden, but his dark lashes fringed his slightly tanned cheekbones, while his russet colored hair flopped smoothly over his slightly long forehead. His chest moved up and down with each breath he took, before he let it out with a gentle snore.

Why was it that people always seemed so much more innocent when they were alseep? Just looking at Alex made me think he could never live his life by the “Three Fs”, nor could he have ever made up dates about girls.

Sighing, I took off my wig, rocking back on my heels. I lost my balance, and tumbled to the floor with a loud crash and a breathless “oof”. Alex stirred, rolling over in bed. I froze, eyes wide as I waited to see if he’d wake up. He let out a tiny grunt, but fell back asleep none the less. I shoved my wig back on my head and hid back under the covers, cursing my stupidity at nearly being caught.

[&cut]

The next morning, I crawled out bed early when the faintest rays of sunlight were only just beginning to grace the morning dew. I stepped into the closet to get dressed, tugging the clothes over my head and changing quickly.

I was becoming more like a guy every day, I didn’t even glance at my clothes, just tugged them over my head and headed out, backpack slung over one shoulder. I clomped down the stairs, headed for the dinner hall, chewing my lip.

Opening the doors, I walked over to the third table, dropping my bag next to me. Picking up the bowl in front of me, I spooned some Lucky Charms into it before drowning the marshmallow cereal in milk. Shoveling a mouthful through my lips, I tugged out Twelfth Night from my bag and started to reading, my eyes scanning the paper.

“What are you doing up this early?” an overly cheerful voice asked, sitting down next to me.

“Morning, Maria.” My voice was robotic, no emotion what so ever.

“What’s wrong?” she cooed, leaning against her elbow and fluttering her eyelashes. What the hell was this? Do I just make people go ‘gay’ on a daily basis? I mean, first Alex and I make out, and Maria is still hitting one me.

“Tired,” I grunted, eating more cereal and turning the page. Unfazed, Maria continued.

“Late night talking to your girlfriend?” she asked bitterly, the venom poisoning her words.

“Actually, Maria,” I hissed, turning to glare at her. “We broke up three days ago. So, no, I haven’t been talking to my girlfriend.” With that being said, I stood up from my seat, grabbed my bag, and left the hall, my stomach still growling.

“Yo, Henry! Wait up!” I recognized the voice the moment I stepped out of the Hall; it was Alex. Without another word, I turned and called over my shoulder to Maria.

“Maria! Do you think you can help me out with something?” She turned her head towards me, her face alighted with happiness. Guilt attacked me as I felt bad for toying with her emotions. It's this or talking to Alex, Holly, I thought sullenly. Choose wisely.

“Sure, Henry!” she gushed, jumping up.

“Great, follow me.” I grabbed her wrist and dragged her out the opposite door, just as Alex walked through the front exit. “So, um, I just wanted a girl’s opinion on break ups.”

“Oh, okay,” she nodded, looping her arm through mine.

“So, I kind of…might have…cheated on my ex. But I grew up with her, and I really want to be able to still talk to her, and everything. In your opinion, can I still do that, or have I totally ruined my friendship with her?”

“Um, well it depends on how long you’ve known her,” Maria pondered. “For example, if you only know her for about a year and you dated for six months of that year, then yeah. But it also depends on how long you cheated on her for, who you cheated on her with, and how forgiving the girl is.”

“I think I understand,” I nodded my head, still tugging her away from Alex. “Thank you so much for your help!” I jogged away shaking my head and cursing the day I ever decided to do something as crazy as this.

So, avoiding Alex wasn’t as easy as I had planned. He was doing everything in his power to get me to talk to him about what happened, but I was doing everything in my power to escape him. I sat next to Nolan during English, and Zack forced me next him in band. When the bell rang, I ran out of the classroom faster than ever before.

“HENRY!” Alex bellowed, but I was already across the lawn, heading for the student parking lot and my Hurley.

Gunning the engine, I didn’t even bother to pull on my helmet before I tore out of there. I just drove for hours, touring the town, the state, everything. I rode my bike until the sun started to set over the trees, the golden light washing over me.

Once my bike was parked, I snuck into the main building, checking to make sure Alex was now where to be seen. Breathing a sigh of relief, I made a mad dash for the elevator, pressing the button for the second floor, and slumped to the ground the moment the doors closed. The doors opened with a ding, and I staggered to my feet, glad that everyone was at dinner.

Shuffling down the hall, I struggled to yank my keys from my pocket. I shoved them into the key hole, turned them, and hurriedly entered the room. I shut the door, smiling at amazing spy talent. I had just managed to go through the whole day without being caught by Alex. Am I awesome, or what?

“Finally!” Hands grabbed me roughly, shoving me up against the door while Alex’s face was dangerously close to mine. “You’ve been avoiding me!”

“Have not!” I squeaked out, not impressing him in the least bit. He furrowed his brow, his chocolate eyes glued to mine.

“I don’t believe you,” he hissed. “But that’s not what we’re going to talk about. We’re going to talk about you kissing me.”

“You kissed me!” I defended, blinking rapidly. “I didn’t kiss you! You kissed me!”

“No I didn’t!” he argued, stepping back from his position shoving me against the door. “You kissed me!”

“Like hell I did,” I snapped. “Whatever, let’s just forget it, okay?”

“No! I mean,” he paused, running his hand through his hair. “Look, are you gay?”

“You did not just ask me that,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Please, tell me you did not just ask me that.”

“It’s an honest question!”

“Okay, if I were gay—which I’m not—and you had just asked me that so bluntly, no way in hell would I come out to you!”

“Wait,” he panicked, staring at me with a confused look on his face. “You’re not gay?”

“Of course not!” I shouted, stomping my foot.

“But…you’re always staring at me, and you keep doing these like, girly things, and you spend so much time with Zack! And when you broke up with Claudia, it was totally ripped off of The One With The Morning After!” He dropped onto my bed, shocked. “You’re not gay.”

“Wait, did you think I was?” I demanded, hands on my hips. He looked up at me, his eyes wide and unfocused. Alex blinked, bringing his eyes back to reality.

“Well, yeah. I did. I mean, we kissed.”

“Alex,” I sighed, sitting down next to him. “I’m not gay. I’m sorry about that kiss, and I’m sorry about the random staring. I promise it won’t happen agai--”

“No!” he cried, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “I mean…aw, shit.”

“You like it,” I realized, grinning. “You liked the kiss, and you like the staring!”

“No I don’t,” he lied, not looking at me.

“Yes, you do,” I smirked, poking him the chest. “Don’t deny it, because we both know it’s true!”

“Fine!” Alex shouted, exasperated. “I liked it! I thought it was funny at first, and it didn’t really bother me! And I was chasing after Holly, who by the way, totally left me with no goodbye after she hated me the whole time I knew her, and I didn’t realize until about two nights ago that maybe I like you! Maybe I’m just crazy because you’re straight, but dammit, Henry, I think I’m gay for you!” I was so taken aback, I didn’t know how to react. Alex was panting slightly, obviously glad to get it off his chest.

“I think I’m gay for you,” he admitted again, glancing at me. “And it was tearing me up, but I honestly think that it’s true. When we kissed, I felt something, and I couldn’t place my finger on it until last night. It was weird, because I heard this noise in the room, and I thought it was you, but then I heard a girl, and I instantly thought it was Holly. And that’s when it hit me; what I felt when we kissed was what I felt with Holly.”

“Alex,” I muttered, trying swallowing the lump forming in my throat. “Alex, I--” My words were cut off as he leaned in, pressing his lips to mine once more. His hand gently cupped my cheek as his other hand grasped my elbow. Our mouths moved together, before I pulled away, eyes closed.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered, looking up at him. “I can’t do this without you knowing.”

“Knowing what?”

“Zack is going to hate me,” I laughed bitterly. “He’s going to hate me, and Claudia is going to hate me, and you’re going to hate me, but I have to do this. Alex, I’m not who you think I am.”

“Huh?” Alex blinked, staring at me. “What, you’re not straight?”

“No, Alex, I’m not Henry Williams.”

“I don’t get it. Who are you then?” he asked me, scooting away from me. Taking a shuddering breath, I lifted my hand to the wig, and slid it out of my hair. Shaking out the long coffee waves, I turned to look at his startled expression.

“Alex, I’m Holly.”

“No,” he muttered, shaking his head. “This is some kind of sick, fucked-up joke. Dude, Henry, this isn’t funny!”

“It’s not a joke!” I cried, standing up. “I’m Holly! I swear, Alex, I’m really a girl! I’m not a boy, I’m a girl!”

“I don’t believe you!” he shouted. “Prove it!”

“Fine!” Ripping off my shirt, I unbuckled the corset and let my breasts bounce free before unbuttoning my jeans and yanking them down, showing him my obviously female pink panties. “Now do you believe me? Now do you get it? I’m not a boy, and I’m not gay! I’m a girl, and I’m straight! I’ve been denying you the whole time because I can’t date you, you’re my roommate! I’ve been staring at you because, hell, I’m not going to lie, you’ve fucking gorgeous! Okay?”

“Wait, so you’re Holly?”

“Yes,” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I’ve only been pretending to be a boy.”

“And Zack knew? You let Zack know, but not me, you’re roommate?” he snapped, standing up. “This is so fucked up. I can’t…” Laughing, he turned away from me and grabbed his wallet.

“Where are you going?” I demanded, fear slicing through my chest.

“I just need to think this over,” he growled. "It's not everyday you find out that your roommate and the one person you thought you were gay for turns out to be the one girl that you'd spent two weeks acting like a dumbass over."

“Alex, you can’t tell anyone!” I panicked, grabbing his arm. “Do you understand me? You can’t tell anyone!” He shrugged free of me, headed for the door, and left, slamming it behind him.

I slunk down to the floor, my knees no longer strong enough to hold my weight, just as the sun finally set. As the moon rose, I lay against the blue carpet, the silver light washing over my like a spotlight. Clouds blew by the ashen moon, the wind howled and beat at the window, while I wallowed in my own misery. Once again, just like before, I was all alone with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.