Just One of the Boys

The next day, I went through the daily routine like a dream. I kept myself busy so as to not think about Alex and what he was doing. He never returned after storming out of the dorm, and I was beginning to fear for the worst. We were all seated in Band, and still, Alex had yet to show.

Had he told someone? Did he somehow get a hold of Perez Hilton? Did he upload some sort of blog that spilled everything? As that thought hit me, I ducked my head and carefully checked my phone for any news involving me. Nothing. Breathing a sigh of relief, I slouched down in my seat.

“Anyways, what, my friends, would have happened if John and Paul decided to try a little weed? Or some LSD?” Chris demanded, sitting atop his desk as he lectured us on the multitude of famous bands that were exposed to drugs. ‘We would never have hits such as Hey Jude, Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds, and Strawberry Fields Forever! Music as we know it would never be the same!”

I’m sure by know you all are wondering why Chris was ranting on about The Beatles and their illegal drug intake. To tell you the truth, even I didn’t understand. Nolan asked Chris which his favorite song was, and it took off from there.

“Nolan!” Chris barked, pointing at him. He jumped, accidentally elbowing me in the shoulder. I scowled, and rubbed the sore spot. “What’s your favorite Beatles song?”

“Uh…Michelle?”

“Good choice. Now see, Michelle is not only catchy, but the romantic lyrics tend to amazing everyone,” Chris informed us. I exchanged looks with Nolan, who had his eyebrows raised to the sky. Chris was on a role, he was analyzing each song and its deeper meaning, getting redder and redder in the face with each breath he took.

Finally the bell rang, signalizing that it was time for us to leave the classroom. We quickly rushed through the door, a thriving mass of teenaged boys desperate for lunch and the freedom of summer air.

“Yo! Henry!” I turned around, expecting Alex to be running at me with a dopey grin on his face. Instead, I was met with Nolan’s ever-present smirk. “You seen Alex?”

I could feel the blood drain from my face, and I carefully stuttered out a lie involving him not coming home from dinner. Nolan nodded, before heading over to where Rian and Jack were attempting to do cartwheels. Zack had attempted one only seconds before, and was sprawled on the ground, gasping to regain his winded breath.

“You look like a beached fish,” I teased, making my way to him. He glared, his mouth still open while his chest rapidly moved, attempting to bring precious oxygen to his lungs.

“Maybe if you weren’t such a wimp you could attempt to do one properly.” Chuckling at my joke, I reached down and helped him to him feet. Zack clambered to his feet, swaying slightly. After one last deep breath, he turned to me.

“You, Miss Williams, are cruel,” he whispered under his breath. Rolling my eyes, I bumped my hip against his gently. “So…I heard about Alex.”

Horrified, I glanced up at him, my jaw dropped. “How…?”

“Alex might have come into my room ranting about Holly being Henry, and he might have explained everything to me before stealing my keys,” Zack winced, chewing his lower lip. The blood left my face as I started seeing spots.

Zack quickly grabbed my arm and half dragged, half carried me up to the dorms by use of the elevator. He led me to his dorm and carefully opened the door, before pulling me down on his bed.

“Put your head between your knees,” he advised, rubbing my back. I was taking shuttering breaths, my mind racing to panic mode. This was bad, this was very bad. If Alex had told Zack, who else could he have told?

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”

“Hey,” Zack tried, still rubbing my back. I shook my head, still taking deep breaths. “Hey, listen to me!” He took my face in his hands and gently tilted it towards him. “It’s going to be okay. I doubt Alex told anyone, alright?”

“Key word, doubt!” I wailed, bending back over. “I’m screwed, I’m going to be plastered over every single magazine, my mother will disown me, and--”

“I promise, that’ll never happen,” Zack coaxed, bending over in attempt to look at me. I lifted my head a tat and looked at him, still feeling faint. “Seriously, Alex can be a jerk, but he’s not that awful. Trust me; I’ve known him for a while now.”

“I’m screwed,” I groaned, dropping my head back in between my legs.

[&cut]

Alex was still missing when night rolled around, the sun sinking deeper into the hills that surrounded Hamilton. I slowly made my way to the big bay window at the side of our dorm and rested my elbows on the sill. The scenery was beautiful, but all I could think about was how Alex was out there somewhere, spilling my secrets to any person that would listen.

Sighing, I turned away from the window and headed to my closet, jumping up to reach my suitcase from the top shelf. It took me above five embarrassing jumps before I managed to pull it down properly, with no damage to myself or surroundings. Bending over, I started shoving clothes into the bag, letting the rainbow of fabric cover my shaking hands and hide how upset I truly was.

As I grabbed my sweatshirts from the bottom drawer, the dorm door slammed open as Alex barreled through in a rush. I jumped slightly, slamming my head against the hanger bar, cursing.

“Fuck!”

“Henry? I mean, Holly?” Alex ripped the door open, taking in my suitcase and hunched over figure. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m leaving before the paparazzi show up,” I responded coldly. He looked shocked, but I shrugged it off as I shoved passed him, heading towards my desk.

Using my arm, I pushed everything off the smooth wooden surface and into my bag, not caring how messy it was. I could always fix it at the airport. I grabbed a few of my books and wrestled them into the crowded space, crinkling my nose as the paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’s pages was bent.

“What paparazzi? What the hell are you talking about?” Alex reached for my bag, trying to stop me, but I swiftly turned away from his grasp.

“Don’t you dare play stupid with me, Alex,” I growled. “How many people did you tell? I already know you bitched to Zack, so who else?”

“No one!” He held his hands up in the universal sign of surrender, but I rolled my eyes.

“Uh-huh, sure. So, who should I be expecting, hm? People? US Weekly?” I spat the names out, furious that he had the audacity to lie to my face about it, and to act so nonchalant. “Or, did you email Perez Hilton? Or some trashy gossip magazine?”

“Holly, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” he argued, gripping his hair exasperated. “I only told Zack, but he punched me in the jaw before I told Jack, okay? I haven’t told a soul! Look, I borrowed Zack’s car and just drove around! I didn’t tell anyone!”

“Sure, and I’m Mother fuckin’ Theresa,” I barked, turning towards the bed. “Just tell me so I know what spots to avoid before I go home.”

“See, when you talk like that, I don’t know what you mean!” he bellowed, grabbing my hand and twisting me to look at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“About me being here! Me, Holly Williams, being here dressed as a guy!” I screeched in a whisper. “Which magazines did you run off to to tell about how Emma William’s daughter is cross dressing!”

The moment the words left my mouth, I realized how stupid I was being. Alex had no idea who I was, he merely thought I was just another girl with the same name, not the actual Holly Williams.

“You didn’t know,” I whispered, horrified. “You didn’t know…”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! You’re actually…” Alex swallowed nervously, his dark eyes flitting over my face. “Oh shit, I made out with a celebrity!”

It took a total of two seconds for my fist to connect with his cheek, and another three for him to hit the floor. I stepped over him easily, ripping the sheets off my bed and bunching them into piles. Alex, groaning, struggled to his feet while I sneered in his general direction.

“What the hell?” he moaned, touching his hand to his cheek. “Where the hell did you learn to punch like that? Wait, scratch that, why did you punch me?”

I chose to ignore him, forcing the piles of bed sheets into the bag before struggling to zip it closed. My fingers red and sore from tugging at the cold zipper, I pulled as hard as I could and succeeded. With an almighty rip, the zipper moved from one end to the other. A satisfied grin on my face, I hefted the bag over my shoulder, grabbed my motorcycle helmet, and headed for the door.

Alex vaulted over my bed, slamming against the door, his arms spread out wide. I glared at him, crossed my arms over my still-bound chest. “Move,” I growled.

“Hell no,” he shot back. “Don’t go.”

“Move,” I repeated, taking a step forward. “I will punch you again.”

“What, resorting to violence, now?” Alex teased. I clenched my fists and ground my teeth together furiously. He grinned, knowing he was pissing me off. “Look, Holls, don’t--”

“My name is Holly,” I snarled. “Not Holls.”

“Sorry,” he winced, looking wounded. “Didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Whatever,” I snapped. “Now, move.”

“No.”

“Move!” I bellowed, dropping my stuff as I attempted to shove him off the wooden slab. Alex fought back, attempting to stand his ground.

We wrestled for a bit while yelling at each other, our stubborn prides refusing to let the other win. My fingers dug into his sides as he pinched at my hips, each of us trying to make the other jump away first. Alex, with a battle cry, pounced on me, and we both went crashing to the ground, still hitting each other and pinching.

“You’re such an ass!” I screeched, trying to stand back up, but his arms were firmly wrapped around my legs. “Let go of me!”

“No!” he yelled like a child, keeping me pinned on the carpeted floor. “You can’t leave!”

“Watch me!” I bellowed, kicking my legs. “Alex, let go of me! I’ll scream rape!”

“Then you’ll have to explain about being a guy!” he barked, crawling up my body until he was nose to nose with me. “Holly, I didn’t tell anyone! You’re secrets safe, okay?”

“I don’t believe you!” I wailed, turning my head so I didn’t have to look him in the eyes. “I don’t believe you!”

“Well, you’re going to have to,” Alex reasoned, turning my head to him. A single tear of frustration slid down my cheek and he gently brushed it away with his thumb. “I promise you that I’m going to keep your secret, and I’m going to make sure you never get hurt, okay? I promise. Just give the one chance you never let me have before.”

“I…” I squeezed my eyes shut, tilting my head upwards as Alex rocked back so his weight wasn’t on my waist and more on his knees. “I can’t, Alex. I can’t risk it, I just can’t. I’m sorry, but no.”

“So you trust Zack, and you trust Claudia, but you can’t tell me? You’re roommate? The guy you made out with?” Alex glowered, getting off me.

“Hey, I had no choice but to trust Zack! Plus, it’s not like I wanted him to find out!” I climbed to my feet, staring him in the face and jabbing him in the chest with my finger. “He saw me changing, and I had to explain! He was going to tell the Dean on me! And as for Claudia, I've known her since sixth grade Church class! So, fuck yeah, I'm going to trust her over you!”

“But you still trusted him! Why can’t you trust me?” Alex demanded.

“Because I know about the Three F’s!” I hissed, staring him down. “I know how you play girls, and I’ve heard all your stories. You forget, Alex, I’m Henry, too. I know everything you didn’t want me to know!”

Alex visibly turned pale while his eyes seemed to bug out of his skull. He sat down on my now bare bed, obviously shocked. “Oh shit.”

“That’s right,” I sneered. “You perceptibly didn’t think that through before trying to date me.”

“I never told you that stuff!” Alex defended himself, hands up. “I never spoke a word about that!”

“But your friends did,” I sniffed. “Anyways, I’m leaving.” Picking up my bag I headed once more for the door, head held high. That is, until Alex grabbed me and pressed his lips against mine.

I was so stunned, I dropped my bag, crushing both of our feet. We pulled away, wincing at the pain, but Alex was quick to recover, tugging me closer as our lips locked once more.

“One last chance,” he whispered, moving his lips to my neck, forcing my knees to weak. I mentally cursed myself and the power he held over me. I felt like a pathetic doll, one of those girls you find in a movie or a cheesy novel where the girl can't survive without the dashing main character, no matter how many times the guy hurt the girl. I was not much better, considering that even though my brain was telling me tol knee him in the balls and get the hell out of the apartment, I was staying where I stood, trapped by his skilled lips.

“Don’t go, just give me one last chance to prove I’m not an ass. I’m sorry about what you’ve heard, I never wanted you to hear that. I’m ashamed of how I acted, I was an ass, and I am a flirt. But I’ll try, for you. I promise I’ll change, Holly. Just give me one more chance.”

“I won’t leave,” I whispered back, pulling away and staring into his eyes. “But I’m not going to date you. It would be to hard to keep secret, what with me supposed to be in California and everything. But I’ll stay. And maybe, maybe, I’ll consider that second chance. Maybe.”
Nodding, Alex took my bag and helped me unpack, making small talk as though we didn’t have a care in the world.

Just then, without even knowing it, I had lit the fire, and I was going to have to watch everything burn from my mistake. The fire might start out slow, just a spark, but before I knew it, that once small-kindled fire would turn into a beast no firefighter would ever be able to put out. The fire was burning, and I was going to be destroyed, along with everything else I’ve ever known.