Wish You Were Here

I’d woken up early and couldn’t work out why, it wasn’t as if I had to get up for anything but I’d woken early, had tried to get back to sleep but it just wasn’t happening. I hadn’t any plans for today but I had these ideas swimming around my mind about this meeting the guys were having tomorrow and even though I still wasn’t 100% sure whether or not to tour with them I had some ideas about how they should look and wanted to share them with them.

As I drank my coffee at the kitchen table I thought back to yesterday and how my parents had reacted at my news. They were shocked that I hadn’t told them about Clive sooner but they fully understood when I told them all that had happened and they were disappointed in him. They hugged me when I told them about not being able to have children and a little part of me felt as though I’d let them down, I know it wasn’t my fault but I’d always wanted to give them grandchildren and now, now they’d never know what it was like to be grandparents just like I’d never know what it would be like to be a mother. What would happen to me? Who would want me?

“Morning Jules,” said Tre entering the kitchen and interrupting my thoughts.

“Morning,” I said but then realised what time it was. It was way early for him, especially as he’d probably been late back last night. After he’d gone I’d drank my hot chocolate and had gone straight to bed afterwards and hadn’t heard him come home. Perhaps he hadn’t even been to bed at all.

“You’re up early,” I said taking a sip from my coffee and glancing over at him. He wasn’t dressed, he was wearing an old robe that he’d had for years, one that I’d given him actually, a Christmas present some years ago.

“Yeah, I know, I thought…I thought I’d better start getting my act together, especially with this meeting tomorrow, I’m going to have to get used to getting up early. Hey…what you got planned for today?” He asked me. I couldn’t see his face as he was looking into the fridge, looking for something to eat no doubt.

“Nothing at all.” I said. I had thought about going to see Sara but I couldn’t be bothered with her after she’d set me up with Vincent though I would have liked to quiz her once more about the chocolate chip ice cream guy she’d been with after I’d gone, I was sure she was keeping something from me about who it was. Perhaps I knew him.

“Why don’t we spend it together then?” Said Tre getting some bacon out of the fridge.

I shrugged, “yeah, why not?” I said. Yeah, it would be good; perhaps today he’d open up a little more.

”How about we have a duvet day?” He said, his eyes sparkling.

”Oh my god, do you remember those days? Duvet days. Where we’d just doss around on the sofa with our duvets wrapped around us, watching movies and eating crap.” I smiled then remembering them.

“Yeah but instead of eating crap, how about we eat properly later. I’ll cook one of my roasts,” he said. I loved his roast dinners and couldn’t remember the last time he’d cooked one. It was years ago, definitely before Frankito was born but after Ramona was born because I remember him cooking roast dinners while he had Ramona over for the weekend. He often invited me when it was just him and Ramona, half the time getting me to change her nappies then later it was me who had to play with her and her Barbie dolls because he didn’t have a clue what to do.

“Sounds great to me. Anyway, where is she?” I said finishing my coffee and going to the sink to wash the mug up.

“Who?” Said Tre. I glanced up at him and he was frowning.

“The one you brought back last night,” I said. “I bet she wasn’t pleased at having to get up early.”

“Jules there wasn’t anyone last night,” said Tre. He’d ended up only having one drink with Jason; his thoughts were with Jules the entire time he was with Jason. He’d come back early hoping that Jules would still be awake so he could talk to her but she wasn’t. He was disappointed she wasn’t up then why would she be up? They were getting along just fine, just like the old days and he’d gone and left her, so of course she probably had nothing else to do but to just go to bed. He wished now he’d stayed.

He’d had to look in on her though, he’d opened her bedroom door and looked in on her as she’d slept, her hair fanned across the pillow, her lips parted, a slight snore coming from her. Closing the door quietly behind him he’d felt slightly content, content because she was here with him in his house and it almost made him feel complete knowing that she was close by.

Jules felt awful that she’d immediately come to the conclusion that Tre had bought somebody back but then that was how he’d made her feel just lately, that was what he’d been doing all along.

“Oh. Right,” said Jules but couldn’t look at Tre as she put her mug away in the cupboard.

“I felt tired, so came back early,” Tre responded but was clearly embarrassed and Jules felt slightly sorry for him.

“I’m going to get a shower and grab my duvet. See you in a while,” said Jules heading out of the kitchen.

“OK.” Said Tre but she wondered if she’d upset him with her presumptions about his sleeping habits. Well, that’s how he’s made me think. He’s had someone different nearly every night, why would I think that last night would be any different?

“That was so funny,” said Jules, sprawled on the sofa, her quilt wrapped around her.

“It makes me laugh every time,” said Tre getting up to stop the DVD. “I still like the first one though,” he said taking the CD out of the player and placing it back into its box.

“Yeah, me too and I can’t believe how lazy we have been, we’ve watched three movies back to back.” She said stretching and groaning.

“How about I start some dinner?” Said Tre.

“Yeah, let me give you a hand,” said Jules getting up and following him out to the kitchen.

“Right,” said Tre once again his head in the fridge, “you peel some carrots and I’ll do the potatoes, OK?” He said.

“Of course it is,” Jules said getting out the chopping board, a couple of saucepans and two sharp knives. She hated knives, and always had though Tre seemed to have this infinity with them and it reminded her of his knife carving days when he’d carved stuff into trees.

They chatted easily as they prepared the vegetables but had almost finished when Tre made Jules laugh about something causing the knife to slip and it caught her, once again on the soft part between her thumb and forefinger, just like she’d done years ago whilst trying to copy Tre’s carvings.

“Fuck, that hurt,” She said wincing at the pain.

“Here,” said Tre grabbing at her hand and before she could do or say anything he did it once more, he took her hand and sucked the wound for her, just like he had done years ago. She could feel his hot mouth on her hand and it took her right back and she remembered the tingly feeling that it had brought about in her all those years ago when he’d done it to her before, it was that same feeling again and Jules couldn’t understand what it was, was it because it was done with such tenderness and kindness? Or was it because it was done without even a second thought and it felt so natural?

She didn’t really want him to stop but she pulled away anyway, overwhelmed with her feelings and couldn’t speak.

“I’ll get you a plaster,” Tre said going to one of the kitchen drawers as her face burnt with embarrassment.

What was happening here? This was Tre, he was her best friend in the entire world, why was she getting embarassed over something so trivial?

Her best friend and nothing more.