Wish You Were Here

My bag felt heavy as I tried to juggle opening the door and making sure that I had everything all at the same time so when I looked up and saw Billie standing there in the corridor, this early in the morning after a heavy night of drinking I drew my breath in.

“Jules don’t leave.” He said, “I need to speak to you.” He looked regretful and so he should, I was sick and tired of being the butt of everyone’s jokes. What gave them all the right to take the piss out of me? I was fed up with it but at the same time felt strong; nobody was going to walk all over me again.

I couldn’t answer him, he’d annoyed me and just looking at him standing there thinking that everything would be ok annoyed me too.

“Please?” He said.

So I shrugged, went back into the hotel room, threw my holdall onto the bed and crossed my arms, turned to him. “You upset me Billie, you know I’m not happy with you at the moment.”

“I’m sorry Jules, you should be upset with me, I’m a complete asshole and I don’t know what to say. It got out of hand a little, I knew Mike liked you, Adrienne had mentioned it and of course she told me about…you two together ages ago. I wanted Mike to be happy and I thought…I thought you and he both deserved each other.”

“But I told you, I don’t want there to be anything between Mike and myself, Mike and I were a one off, ages ago. Anyway, there’s someone else.” Then I hesitated as I noticed a frown form on his face. “Its Tre, we’ve been together but didn’t tell you because…well, we know what you’re like.” I glanced away from him, tears brimming my eyes at the thought of what Tre and I could have had together.

“I’m ashamed Jules and you and Tre, I don’t know what to say but… its great. You’re right together.” He said slumping himself down on the bed.

“Well now I don’t know, I think its been spoilt, I’ve not heard from Tre at all so its probably over.” I said. Tre hadn’t contacted me so the news about Mike and I must have hurt him. He was probably just as pissed off as I was and was probably thinking was this all worth it, all the hassle of us being together. We were better off as friends.

“Give him time, he’ll come round.” Said Billie.

“I don’t have time, I just want to be happy and being around you guys isn’t going to work if this is the way it’s going to be. I need to get away, to build up a life on my own. It’s not like back in the old days.”

“But it could be.” Said Billie hopefully and standing up again. “Don’t go Jules, talk to Tre.”

“Well, it seems he doesn’t want to talk to me so, I’m going home, I’ll get a job and I’ll speak to him soon. Tell him that when you next see him, that I’ll ring him soon.”

Then I got off the bed, picked up my bag and turned to him.

“Bye Billie.” I said then turned, opened the hotel door but after it had closed behind me I stood still just to compose myself.

It would be fine, Tre and I would eventually pick up our friendship where we left off, we had been great friends, still were, nothing would come between that, and my mistake was getting with Mike and not telling Tre. I knew that now.

The elevator pinged open but I wasn’t expecting to see Mike in there. He looked dreadful, where had he been? I quickly turned before he saw me; I’d decided to take the stairs instead.

“Jules!” he shouted. Too late, he’d obviously seem me. I stopped dead in my tracks, not wanting to speak to him but not wanting to ignore him either.

“Jules wait up,” he said, “I need to speak to you.”

“Oh, you too, I’ve just spoken with Billie who was very upset and apologetic.” I said turning to him. Mike was great, he was a good friend, I hated that he wanted me, hated that he could think we could have something more between us, I wanted to tell him he was wasting his time on having these thoughts about me when they couldn’t be returned. He should be putting his efforts into someone else, someone who deserved him.

“So he should be. I’m sorry, last night was crap for you.”

“Yeah, it was a little. Listen Mike, you and I, that time it was just what I’d always said it was. It was great that one night but that was all, we’re not right for each other. It wouldn’t work, you deserve someone better.”

“Not someone better Jules. Someone else may be, don’t put yourself down, you always do that.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah. You do.” Then he glanced at my holdall and realised what was happening. “Please tell me you’re not going.”

“I am Mike. I can’t stay here, it’s not like the old days, I’ve not heard from Tre all night, so its obvious he’s pissed off with me.”

“I don’t think he is, you should speak with him before you go.”

“Have you seen him?” I asked hopefully, hoping that Tre was OK and that I’d not upset him too much.

“Yeah, I spoke to him just now.” Said Mike who had really been with Tre all night, they’d talked all night about their feelings.

Jules sighed. So that was it, he knew all the details now, he was probably fucked off with me that he’d never known this. He was my best friend and I’d kept this important fact from him. Then so had he. He’d kept to himself that he’d slept with Sara and I still couldn’t get my head round that.

“You need to talk to him Jules.” Mike said interrupting my thoughts.

“OK, OK, I’ll call him up, I’ll call him when I’m on my way but I don’t know what to say to him.” I didn’t know what to say; all the years I’d known him I’d never been in this situation, not knowing what to say to him. Things had changed between us and it had happened after I’d got back from Scotland and now I’d fallen for him so things would probably never be the same again between us. We’d ruined what we’d had for all those years.

“Listen, I’ll see you Mike, I’ll be in contact soon.” I said putting my hand out onto his arm, letting him know that I wasn’t angry with him.

“Take care Jules, we all love you, you know?” He said then smiled. He was such a good guy and he deserved to be happy with someone, someone that would respect him.

“Yeah, I know.” But I couldn’t be bothered to talk anymore so I just turned to walk away, I just wanted to get outside and get some air, to get out of the hotel, I felt stifled.

The morning air was chilly and I was glad of that because it brought me to my senses. What had happened here? I loved Tre but we were such good friends may be it wouldn’t work. I so wanted it to and I would miss our friendship because I doubted we could ever get back what we once had, it had gone too far.

But I knew what Tre was like so may be I would ring him after all, may be just one quick call to tell him what I was doing. I knew he’d worry if I didn’t.

Getting out my phone I searched for his name and pressed call. It starting ringing and then I heard a familiar tune, our tune, Tre’s tune and mine. Pink Floyd’s ‘Wish you were Here,” getting louder. The phone was still ringing in my ear but the tune getting louder so I turned and he was there with his phone in his hand, our song coming from it.

He looked sad and his eyes were bloodshot. I knew he hadn’t slept. He always had that look when he hadn’t slept properly, I new it straight away.

“You’d better not be walking out on me.” He simply said.

He knew I was. I was walking out on him but seeing him again changed my mind. I loved him, very much.

“Can’t we just talk about this Jules? Like we used to do, you know, talk things through. It always used to work.”

I just nodded. We needed to clear the air; I needed to finally tell him everything and what would happen between us after that I just didn’t know.