Wish You Were Here

I checked my watch and it was six o’clock. I knew I’d have to go back, I couldn’t put it off any longer; I’d have to go back and face the music. Realistically it was only fair on him after all.

I grabbed a taxi and as it pulled up outside Tre’s house I felt sick, sick from drinking far too much too early in the day and sick because I couldn’t be bothered with all this hassle, I just wanted to lay down somewhere and collect my thoughts.

I rummaged around in my bag for my key but before I even found it I could hear the front door being opened but I didn’t look up, I just continued searching around in the bag pretending I hadn’t heard him. He must have been waiting for me.

“Hi Jules, we’re just going out.” Said Tre.

I looked up and he was with Stephanie, she looked great. Slim, trendy and… young.

“Oh, OK, enjoy yourselves.” I said. I noticed that he was dressed quite well with a smart black shirt with his top button undone. He hardly ever wore shirts before. Or had he? May be I was just used to seeing him slob around in t-shirts and shorts.

“I’m taking Tre out for dinner to say thank you for helping me with my project.” Said Stephanie all glowing and smiling widely as if she’d achieved something.

“Yeah… so don’t wait up,” said Tre coming over and pecking me on the cheek. He smelt great and still wore the same cologne that he always wore I noticed.

“I’ll get that talk with you tomorrow.” He said, winking at me.

“There’s no hurry, it can wait.” I replied but they were gone then, talking amongst themselves, heading off down the driveway to Stephanie’s car, her linking her arm through his and leaning into him smiling up at something he said. He hadn’t been waiting for me after all.

Walking into the house I checked myself in the long mirror, I was pasty faced with dirty looking smudges of mascara under my eyes, my hair could do with a brush and my roots needed doing. What the hell did I look like? I needed a change and decided I’d definitely visit Sara’s salon tomorrow. She’d help me out. I hadn’t bought any clothes in ages, just lived in Scotland in jeans, trainers and a fleece because it was always so cold. A fleece! Once upon a time I’d never been seen dead in a fleece and here in my suitcase there was not just one, but three fleeces. The navy one, the grey one and the black, I definitely needed sorting out, I’d been with Clive for far too long.

Going to my suitcase that was sitting in the hall I opened it up and got out all three fleecy jumpers, the kind that walkers wore on hikes, they were totally practical and total unstylish, totally frumpy and just totally not me. I put them back into the suitcase and decided I’d take them to a charity shop in the morning and would spend a couple of hours picking up some new clothes before going to meet the guys at the studios. Yeah and then in the afternoon I’d visit Sara, see if she could do anything with my hair and may be check out this Vincent guy. Yeah, I’d do that.

Locking up the suitcase again I carried it upstairs and took it into the spare bedroom, dumped it on the bed and closed up the curtains.

The house phone rang then so I went through to Tre’s bedroom to answer it. It was Billie.

“Hi Jules, hey I heard you had a great lunch.” Said Billie.

“Yeah, but may be a little heavy for me and I’m not used to drinking that much, especially that early during the day.” I replied sitting down on the edge of Tre’s bed.

“Christ you used to knock ‘em back until Clive came along, you need to spend a few more evenings with us guys to get that the correct alcohol levels back in your blood stream woman.” He said laughing.

“You’re right.” I said glancing at the photograph on Tre’s bedside of his two children. I idly picked the photograph up as I spoke to Billie.

“Is Tre around?” asked Billie.

“No, actually he’s being taken out for a meal by the lovely Stephanie.” I said kind of sarcastically but not really meaning for it to come out like that.

“Oh yeah, the Stephanie, Tre mentioned her yesterday.” Said Billie.

“Yeah I bet he mentioned her,” I said smiling to myself and smiling at little Frankito in the photograph with his two front teeth missing.

“I hear you’re coming to the studio tomorrow,” said Billie.

“Yes, I’m so looking forward to it, its been ages, I used to spend nearly as much time hanging out there as you guys.” I said.

“Jason will be there,” said Billie cooing just like Tre had done earlier.

“Oh piss of Billie, that joke died years ago, I shall see you tomorrow.”

After putting the phone on the bedside I stared at the picture of Tre’s beautiful children. I loved them so much and couldn’t wait to see them again. I just adored them; in fact I loved all the guys’ children. Everyone had always said I was good with children….

1989

“Are you babysitting the Hamilton twins again?” said mum as she prepared some lunch.

“Yes, those kids are so cute.” I replied pinching some cucumber that mum was slicing.

“They seem like a handful to me.” said Dad who was sitting at the kitchen table and looking over his newspaper, his glasses on the end of his nose. “Where does Mrs Hamilton go every week anyway?”

“I think she just meets some friends in the town, sometimes she just goes to a see a movie but she definitely has a drink because she smells of alcohol, its not too strong and she doesn’t seem drunk or anything just… she seems merry and happy when she comes back.” I said sitting at the table next to Dad. I noticed Dad glance over at Mum.

“Her husband doesn’t get home much does he? I don’t think I’ve seen him more than a handful of times,” said mum bringing over a huge plate of sandwiches and placing it in the middle of the table.

“Not really but she always says how much she misses him” I said taking some sandwiches and putting them onto my plate.

“Well she pays you well for your time. Is Tre going with you again?” Dad said putting down his newspaper.

“Yes he is and he’s letting me cut his hair tonight.” I said my mouth full of food.

“Tre cannot be right in the head to let you do that to him, how on earth did you persuade him, no on second thoughts you always do seem to get Tre round to your way of thinking. How’s his band going?” Asked Dad. He was always genuinely interested in Tre.

“Its going good, they’re playing some clubs in the bay area in a few weeks time. He said may be he’d take me.”

“You be careful, you’re still only 16 both of you.” Said Mum.

“It’s OK, his uncle lives nearby and said that we could sleep at his. Anyway, nothing’s definite, he mentioned it only once and that was ages ago. Look, I must get off to the Hamilton’s, she wants me to give the twins something to eat before she goes off and she asked if I could help do her hair. She liked the way I curled it before.” I said taking my plate over to the sink.

“I hope she’s not taking advantage of you,” said Dad peering at me over his glasses again.

“Of course not, I love doing it.” I said going to him and kissing him on top of his head.

“I know you do sweetheart, you’re so good with children, you’d work well with them you know instead of carrying on with these hairdressing plans that you have.”

“But its what I want to do.”

I’d decided that it was, definitely what I wanted to do and anyway, one day I would have my own children to look after.

“They’re asleep,” I said to Tre, “now, where did I put the scissors?” I said looking around. “Come through to the bathroom and get a towel around you.”

“What the fuck have I got myself into here.” Said Tre sloping off to the bathroom and sitting on the edge of the bath with a towel wrapped around his shoulders.

“If you lean over the bath I can wet your hair, it’s easier to cut when it’s wet.” I said to him. Tre just grunted nervously.

When he sat up he just towel dried his hair a little and sat on the edge of the bath waiting for me to cut it. I started snipping here and there as we spoke.

“Lawrence wants me to go to the bay and watch some bands play, he said you could come too,” he said.

“Yeah, you mentioned it a while ago. When?” I said concentrating on the back of his hair.

“May be in a couple of days. Jules, I wish I could be the one that people were going to see, you know I love the drums so much.” He said suddenly.

“I know and it shows, I love listening to you, you know that. I’m your number one fan, your first fan and number one fan, don’t you forget that.” I said snipping the hairs around his ears. “But you did enjoy summer clown school too. What are you going to do with those qualifications? You can juggle now and unicycle, I thought you wanted to do something like that.”

“Well... I like playing the drums better.” Said Tre.

“Actually you are better at drumming than unicycling,” I said to him. “Anyway… how… how are you after your accident.” I said kind of blushing. I’d wanted to ask him for ages.

“Everything’s fine.” Said Tre quietly. Poor Tre, he obviously didn’t want to talk about it.

He had fallen off his unicycle and had had an operation to remove one of his testicles. It had been embarrassing for him at the time and didn’t like to talk about it. Well, who would? I wish I’d never brought it up.

“Hey its definitely going to be you playing somewhere in the bay one day and I’ll be the first person there watching.

“Yeah, cool,” said Tre getting restless, he couldn’t sit still for long, “anyway, how long are you taking, this is the longest hair cut I’ve ever had.”

“Shut up I’m trying to do it properly.” I replied getting annoyed with him.

“But I’m hungry,” he whined.

“You’re always hungry, I’ve bought some popcorn and some of mum’s cake.”

“Does your mum bake a cake every day?” said Tre

“No, and you know something else, you and dad are the only ones that eat it. Hey I’ve finished, take a look in the mirror.” I said stepping back.

Tre stood up and walked to the bathroom mirror.

“Hmmmm, not bad,” he said checking his face from side to side, “yeah, I like it Jules, may be next time you could dye it for me.”

“Yeah, what colour? Green or something?” I said folding up the towels.

“Yeah, green would be cool.” He said still admiring himself in the mirror.

“Oh yeah… right. Green? Who has green hair?”

“I want to, come on lets get that popcorn and cake and go and see what’s on TV.” He said then was gone, leaving me to sweep up his hairs and dispose of them.

Later on just as the movie finished he spoke. I’d noticed he kept looking over as though he wanted to say something then changed his mind.

“Jules?” he said quietly.

“Hmmmm.” I said as I carried the bowl we’d had the popcorn in out to the kitchen.

“You know you mentioned… earlier… about… my accident?”

“Yes.” I said stopping in the kitchen doorway.

“Well, I’m worried about it. I don’t think it’s healed properly and… it hurts sometimes.”

”Oh Tre,” I said going over to him and sitting next to him on the couch, “you must go and see the doctor if you’re worried. How long have you been worrying about this?” I said putting my arm across his shoulders.

“A couple of weeks.” He said, not really looking me in the eye.

I hugged him, “Please Tre, go to the doctors. Do you want me to come with you? Have you told your parents?”

“No, I didn’t want to worry them. Would you come with me? Not in the room with me but, just wait outside for me?”

“Of course silly, of course I’ll come.”

The next day we visited the doctor and Tre’s face was a picture when he came out. He was all happy and smiling as though a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

“The doctor said its fine and I’ve been worrying over nothing, he said it will hurt for another few weeks or so yet. I just have to take painkillers.”

I stood up and we hugged.

“I’m glad.” And I was, I hated him worrying about anything.

“Come on,” he said, “I think I owe you a banana milkshake.” He said and he put his arm around me as we left the doctors surgery.

Jules replaced the picture back onto the bedside table and as she did she noticed a box of condoms that must have been tucked behind the photograph. Her heart stopped for a minute. They were a box of ten condoms and for some reason she decided to open them and count, not realising why she was counting but then she found that there were only eight in there. What did she need to know that for? It was none of her business. Had he used them with the lovely Stephanie? She quickly closed the box, moving the photograph back into position, adjusted the covers back into place where she had sat on his bed, then left Tre’s bedroom. As she left she noticed that there was still a lingering in the air of his scent that he’d obviously sprayed on himself before he left the room. It was as though he was still there.

Feeling tired all of a sudden after her hectic few days and excessive drinking Jules decided to take a nap on her bed and before long she fell into a deep sleep.

When she woke she felt fuzzy headed and her mouth felt dry. Sitting up carefully she adjusted her eyes to read the time on her watch, the hands glowing 2.30am. She couldn’t believe that she’d been asleep for so long, but she must have needed it. Stretching herself and groaning slightly she got off the bed and decided a gallon of water wouldn’t go amiss so crept downstairs, not really knowing whether Tre was in the house or not and into the kitchen to get some water. She drank down one glass as she stood there then poured another to take up to the bedroom with her. She left the kitchen then walked into the living room to get some headache pills from her handbag. It was deathly quiet as she walked into the room but then she was halted by a tiny sound, the mere breath of a sigh.

Someone was in the room.

Jules stood still, her nerves tingling. Just then a car entered the street, its approaching headlights casting a fuzzy glow through the curtains. As in a slow-motion dream Jules made out the erect shapes of wine bottles and burnt out candles on the coffee table then dark pools of discarded clothing that formed a trail across the floor, finally the saggy couch where it appeared that some strange shadowy beast lay sprawled asleep. There was another flash as a second car passed and it all became clear. Tre lay with his back to her, naked. She caught a spark of tousled hair, the gleam of one smooth shoulder, flexed to hold an almost invisible Stephanie, the tangle of four legs crooked into the sofa’s embrace. Stephanie’s small, ringed hand rested intimately on the muscled curve of his buttocks.

The light disappeared, eclipsing the coupled figures and leaving Jules blind. But the image remained vivid in her mind. She was aware of her heart urgently beating. It was the surprise she told herself. Moving as quickly as she dared, almost hurrying she went upstairs and entered her own room closing the door behind her and leant against it. Yes, he had surprised her, just like he’d done once before….

1989 – Two weeks later

…Jules heard Mrs Hamilton’s key in the lock. It actually woke her as she jolted herself awake. She must have fallen asleep watching a late movie.

“Hi Julie, how were they?” She said wafting perfume into the room, her eyes glowing.

“They were so well behaved Mrs Hamilton.” I said getting myself up off the sofa.

“They always are for you, and they love having you here, you seem to be able to give them equal attention.” She said placing her bag down onto the chair and taking off her coat.

”Did you have a good evening?” Jules asked. She always asked this out of politeness, it had become a habit and she wasn’t really interested in Mrs Hamilton and her friends.

“It was fabulous.” She said offering no more knowing that was all that was needed to say.

As usual, Jules could smell the faint smell of alcohol coming from Mrs Hamilton’s breath as she reached into her purse to get out Jules’ money.

“Look, there’s an extra couple of dollars Julie, I’m a little later back than I said I’d be.” said Mrs Hamilton.

“Oh, there’s no need,” I said politely grabbing my jacket from a hook in the hallway.

“No, it’s only fair and you know sometimes I wonder what I’d do without you Julie.” She said giving me the money.

“Its ok I love coming here to look after Ben and Pauly, we have great times together.”

“I know you do and I shall hear about it all from them tomorrow.” She said then smiled at Jules. It was time to go.

“Anyway, goodnight Julie,” said Mrs Hamilton, “may be I’ll see you next Saturday.”

“Yes, just let me know,” said Jules.

Then Jules wandered down the track to her house. As she neared the front door she realised she’d left her bag at the Hamilton’s and it had her front door key inside. She didn’t want to wake her parents; they’d been busy lately and by the look of it, the house being in darkness they were in bed. Damn, she’d have to go back. Jules walked back up to the Hamilton house; quite sure that Mrs Hamilton would still be awake. Yeah, she had a lot of make up to take off.

When she approached the front door was ajar. Jules frowned and thought this was strange, she was sure Mrs Hamilton had closed it behind her after she’d gone.

As soon as she opened the door she heard noises and became slightly nervous. Mrs Hamilton was moaning and she could hear a deeper voice, a male voice grunting. Suddenly Jules was scared, what was going on?

Wandering into the house she saw them on the sofa. Mrs Hamilton was underneath a guy, her legs wide open and wrapped around him and he… he had his jeans down around his ankles, his butt was naked and shining in the half-light and his whole body was pounding into hers. As the guy groaned Jules saw Mrs Hamilton’s cerise pink painted nails dig into his back, then she sighed and said his name…. “Oh Tre.”

…This was the exact same feeling as she’d had back then and she couldn’t describe it this strange feeling in the pit of her stomach.