Nervosa

My eyes opened, allowing my bedroom walls to be brought into my sight. A few moments later the loud ring from the alarm next to me went off. I sighed before pulling the black cord out the wall, I wasn't in any mood to hear the loud ring that it made. As the bright red digits faded fastly, I leaned up in my bed and put both feet on the ground. I ignored the cramp that shot through my stomach, as my nose took in the smell of food being cooked a couple of rooms down. I ignored the smell, and tiredness that I felt. I didn't sleep that well last night, my stomach wouldn't leave me alone. You'd think that if it was used to being hungry all this time, it'd get over it, but it doesn't. I didn't even bother to look in the closet for clean clothes, I just picked up a pair or clothes from the floor, put them on, and then walked into the bathroom. I looked at the pathetic face looking back into the mirror before I lowered my head into the sink with my index and middle finger chasing into my throat.

I rinsed out the sink, and gargled some mouth wash before brushing my hair, and my teeth. Then, after going through my usual routine, I walked out of the white door. "Here Michael." I heard my mother as I walked to the door, the smell of food coming closer, making my stomach become excited. "Not hungry." I yell before walking out the door. I walked up the pavement before seeing another guy walking in front of me. He was almost as short as I was in sixth grade, making me want to laugh, but I wouldn't dare let one slip. I think he heard my breathing, and turned around. Why the hell do fat people have to breath so hard!? I just looked down as quick as I could, my heart racing, not knowing if he was going to trip me, laugh at me, or lie to me. "Hey, you're Mikey, right?" The hell does he know my name for? "Yeah, sure." I ignored my racing heart as I tried to keep both of my feet walking. I walked past him, but he paced his small legs to keep up with me. "I'm Frank. Call me Frankie." I peered at him, seeing a small smile form on his face. "That's nice." it fell the moment I let my words drip from my mouth.

I ignored him the rest of the way, I know he's just another fuck trying to mess with me. I walked into the school, letting the door close before he walked in. I ignored him as he walked up to me to tell me he'd catch me later, and I ignored him "bye" from across the halls. It took me by surprise that he was in ninth grade, and that short. I ignored my suspicions that this must be a fucking joke, and walked into homeroom. "Hey Michael." I looked up from my fiddling fingers to see some guy I'd yet to learn the name of. All I knew was that he was some popular guy that I had no business talking to. "What." He ignored my false hope that he'd leave me alone, and kept going. "So listen, there is this new guy in school. My sister in ninth told me 'bout him. Says he gay." I just wanted to sigh and ignore him, but curiosity killed the cat. "What about it?" "Well, I mean you are gay, Right?" Before I could even dignify that with an answer I heard low snickering from behind me. I turned around to see some bleach blond with a Hello Kitty shirt on, writing in a rainbow stripped pen. She looked up and then went back to her writing, tossing a folded up piece of paper to the girl next to her, a girl I knew as Brittney. Before I could even turn around, the bell rang. Of course, I wasn't one of the kids to run out in the halls to see their high school romance by their lockers, so I was still in my seat by time the new girls walked by me, a note falling onto my desk.

I picked it up, threw it into my binder, and then got up. I was the last to walk out of the classroom, and the last to enter my first period. I took a seat in the back, a place that I had grown a custom to in these past few months of school. It was a spot right behind the jocks and next to the goths. You'd think that if I was so harmful to myself with knives they'd accept me, but apparently now. I wasn't exactly excited to open the note, but I didn't want to just throw it away. I was a nosey son of a fuck, and I just wanted to read it. When I opened it up, I saw pink and blue writing next to initials. God how I hated that, I mean your bound to get caught sometime, so why make the job easier? Can't you just distinguish who's writing it is by the ink color? Well, I guess I wouldn't know, I've never written a note before. I unfolded the note while the teacher began talking, not noticing me in the least.


B. Your name is Staci right?
S. Yep, you're Brittney?
B. That's my name.
S. Pretty...So tell me, what's the deal with the boy in front of me?
B. I'm not sure. He's a psycho anyways, he has no friends. Well, other than his goth brother. His brother is almost as weird as he is. Ask him! =)

I'm guessing this was about the time she asked me...

S. He's so bulimic! Do you think he has to stick his fingers down his throat?
B. No!*Hint the sarcasm* How else do you think it's done?
S. Well I don't know. I've never tried to vomit all my food before. God didn't make me fat! =)
B. He's always been that way though. Ever since I've seen him in sixth grade. He's always been fuckin' bone skinny. It's like, dude! Eat something.
S. Ooh! Ask him to eat lunch with you?
B. As if, so that he can just puke it up later? I think not. Besides, he only talks to his brother.
S. Where is his brother?
B. Graduated last year. Quite funny how he's got psycho! I mean, he even turned gay. That's fucking sick!

I felt tears welling in my eyes. I raised my hand more quickly than my mind registered what I was doing. "Yes Michael?" "May I use the restroom?" I ignored the snicker from Staci I presumed on the other side of the room, and just took his shake of the head and bolted. I walked into the tenth bathroom, only to find it full. I prohibited myself doing anything from peeing to gaging myself in a bathroom with tons of people in it. I walked out and ran into the ninth grade stalls, finding it completely deserted. I didn't even bother to lock myself into a small tan room, I just dropped to my knees, feeling pain shoot through my legs, and small droplets of blood flow from my knees. I ignored absolutely everything and just rammed my two favorite fingers into the back of my throat, wiggling them around until I striked the nerve that made everything come up. I'm absolutely pathetic.

I got up, pushed down the silver lever and looked down at my pants. I saw a few little drops of red liquid staining the blue pants on the right knee. I turned around, still looking at the floor until I stopped at another pair of shoes. I began to slowly look up, seeing Frank, him staring bullets into my head. "Wh-What'd you do that for?" He asked, I ignored him, whipping my vomit coaxed fingers of my pants. "Mikey! Tell me." I walked out of the bathroom, not caring that he was calling for me until he kept calling my name, and I snapped. "Leave me the hell alone! I don't even fucking know you!" I walked out of the ninth grade hallway and back into my classroom, awaiting the grief from my teacher for taking so long to go to the bathroom. God how I fucking hated Mondays and the hell they brought.