Nervosa

I felt a lump in my throat after getting caught by the guy I had met walking to school. I was already sitting in second block, but I couldn't shake the eerie feeling that he was going to turn what he saw against me. I was an idiot for leaving the stall door open, and if he were to tell anyone, it'd be my own fault. I would deserve it if he blackmailed me for some reason, I mean if he were to tell everyone he saw my gag myself, who wouldn't believe it? I mean it's not like everyone already thinks that. I began to feel as if someone was staring at me, drilling holes into my skull with their eyes. I looked to the left side of me, seeing Staci's olive green eyes, only admitting defeat when my eyes locked to hers. That was something everyone did, they'd stare at me for an entire class period, but only when my eyes closed in on theirs, they looked away as quickly as possible, to act as if they'd never looked over my way. I could still see her attempting to look at me past the corner of her eyes, trying to make it as non noticable as possible. That was something she wasn't doing so hot at. Her head was tilted in my direction, and you could see her pupils resting on the edge of her eye. If I don't say so myself, it's not me that has the problems, this girl obviously needs to pop some medication.

After a while I ignored her staring eyes and went back to thinking about how that Frank guy might some how find a way of making me his bitch, making me do anything and everything so he wouldn't tell. I've seen it happen in this school once or twice, usually it's a jock who caught a nerd masturbating to some chick in a magazine, and they forced the said nerd to do anything they wanted in order to keep their mouths shut. It never failed, they always told someone while the nerd was running errands, and that got out more so than a spreading disease. Even so, I could still feel her eyes looking me up and down, making me feel anxious to get out of this class. Finally, the fucking bell rang, and for the first time since I can remember, I was the first one out the door. I wasn't waiting around for her to come over to me and start talking, while she applied another coating of lip gloss. As I took me seat in third block my throat went dry and my face went pale, Staci walked in with Brittney, and handed the teacher her schedule. I began to ponder if Staci was in every class I was in, and if she was, I swear I would be going to get my schedule changed. They both sat down behind me, and I could feel her eyes find me once more. I began to get this paranoid feeling about her, the feeling of her sitting behind me just made me want to cringe.

"Michael?" I heard her squeaky voice whisper from behind me, making me sigh as she called me Michael. If I haven't said a million times before, I'll say again, call me Mikey. Sure it wasn't exactly a common name for a boy in a boy in high school, but it doesn't mean that I don't prefer to be called it.Gerard started that if I can remember correctly. I kept on ignoring her, but she still didn't seem to be getting the message. "Michael, do you want to have lunch? With me and Brittney I mean." I could feel a smirk rise up on my face as I remembered 'As if! So he can puke it up later?', and then stopped it from forming. "Well, if you do, we'll be in the lunchroom." I felt another smirk but fought hard to keep it down. I haven't been in the school cafeteria since the sixth grade. Hell, I haven't even looked into it since the seventh. When I walk past it and smell the rancid smell of school food I simply look away and hold my breath. I now sat outside, not far from the goth kids, and usually read. Then, the bell rang, and I found myself sitting in the exact spot I just talked about. The clouds were gray, showing that within the next hour, rain would be falling. I flipped the page on my book, feeling stares on me. I looked over at the goth kids, they were staring at something a few meters away from me. I looked up and saw Frank walking towards me. They were probably wondering why the hell anyone was paying me any mind. It surprised me as much as them, if not more, seeing as he was in the ninth grade. Their lunch period was right after ours, meaning he was supposed to be in call now. My throat went dry, and I felt the color fall from my face as I remembered what he had witnessed.

"Hey, Mikey. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Honestly, it was freaking me out how he knew my name. It wasn't like I was the talk of the school, or a popular kid, so how the hell did he know me? "Sure, why the hell not?" He plopped himself down next to me, and began to think for a few minutes. "About what I saw. . .in the bathroom, I won't tell anyone if that's what you want. I promise, I just want to help you. Y'know, as a friend." He smiled as he finished his statement. "You don't want to be my friend, believe me. Just leave me alone, it's my problem to deal with, not yours." He waited a few moments, thinking of a come back, opening his mouth a few times and then closing it. "Well, you can't spell believe without a lie, so I'll be the judge of whether I want to be your friend or not." His smile widened. Jackass. "Wouldn't you rather be hanging out with someone like that?" I said as I pointed to a guy in skinny jeans and a plain black shirt. "Nah, you're much more my type, plus Gerard wanted me to talk to you." Gerard wouldn't have told him anything. . .right? I mean unless there was something going on between the two of the them. "I take it you're with my brother?" The minute I finished, I regretted opening my mouth. Frank went into hysterics laughing until he was leaning on the wall. He began to speak, attempting to at least, through his laughing. "No! He's in college, what do you think he's a pedophile? I mean I know he's probably in a skirt and a bra right now, but give him some slack." After he began to slow down on laughing, he opened his mouth again. "Not to mention, I like loner boys compared to boys with black hair dye and pretending to have ovaries." I take it he just got out of life science? What the hell did that mean in the first place? Before I could ask, the bell rang, and for the first time in a long a time, I didn't want it to. "I gotta go, talk to you later Mikey?" I just nodded before walking back into the building.