Sequel: Red(necks) White(trash) & Blue(collar) ›
Saint Vanity
XXIV
"Alright so the story
goes like this:
The bus was filled with horny, part German boys. They all smelt just like piss and hot dogs. If you get the picture it was the golden age of grotesque. I spent exactly 4 hours between eighth graders trying to see which one would get a boner first.
As soon as the bus stopped. I stepped off into the wasteland that was an imitation Germany. Little German flags were caked in mud and shit. I met the over weight 20 year old collage drop outs, who were our councilors. Oh and they sucked at speaking anything but English, and even that was pathetic.
But out of the piss,shit and mud came the boy of my dreams. His hair caught with moonlight even thought it was clearly daytime. Blond wisps that covered just below shoulders his sapphire eyes burning. Black military boots and an army jacket with a swastika on the sleeve. He was rugged, beautiful, and Wrong. He competed my urge to piss off society and he was still attractive. How often does anyone find that? Well close to never!
He walked straight up to me and took one of my dreads and told me how it smelt like grapes. He wrote me lullabies and did magic tricks. He was everything i ever wanted in a man."
"Wait...this guy wrote you poetry and did...magic tricks?"
"shut-up Sid.
As i was saying: He was everything i wanted in a man. The hours seemed to last only seconds. The days went by so quickly. Because i spent every waking second with my dear Warren. Till one day he brought me to the local cemetary and we made sweet, sweet love."
"That's disgusting."
"Sid you have absolutely no respect for the beauty of cemetary sex."
I sat there and thought about cemetary sex for quite awhile. I must say it really did sound interesting like in a horror movie or somthing. yeah hey, I might have to do that cemetary sex thing along with having sex in a church and in public. I know i have quite the bucket list but I'll find the right girl to do it with. Or i could just pay a prostitute what ever comes first.
"Anyways, Im pretty sure the condom broke and I'm pretty sure I'm prego."
"Want me to buy ya a test?" I really, REALLY didn't want to buy her a test. Because that would require going to the store and being completely embarrassed.
"OH would you!?" She jumped up and started clapping like mad. I can't see actually knowing the truth about having an embryo in your body make anyone happy but hey what ever floats your canoe.
Kennedy skipped around the room then immediately stopped and twisted her entire body to face me. "Sid its like 1:00 in the morning...."
I scratched my head. Even more embarrassing to be at the convenience store at 1:00 buying a pregnancy test. But here goes the being a good friend shit to come and hit my windshield of life. Fuck it all
"Yeah I'll go anyways."
She ran up and gave me a huge hug. Did i mention i get uneasy with hugs? Well I do so she quickly took her hands off me and apologized.
"Siddy-boy! Your the best friend i could ever have."
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Your coming in the car with me though, ya know." I grabbed my clothes from back in my room a little disappointed i didn't see the hallway PDA again. I put on some black bondage pants and took off the chained crosses cause technical the chains are really loud and I've never liked crosses.
Hence why Todd always refers to me as the 'antichrist'. Just because i can't stand crosses and like to wear black nail polish on occasion, doesn't make me the antichrist, Thank you very much. I am strictly open to different religions is all. Call it cultural exceptance if you will. One religion keeps you close minded like the pussy-boy. Conservative scum.
Anyways i put on some kind of long sleeved (black) shirt and a military jacket my uncle Bryan gave me from his time in Iraq. Which I must admit is probably one of the coolest things i have ever seen.
I walked over to Kennedy's room because heaven knows she wasn't done dressing yet. I knocked on the door of the sweet and i heard a little voice yelling "Come in!"
So i opened up the door and walked in to see Kennedy still applying make-up.
Typical. Why does it take chicks so long to put on make-up i mean, it doesn't really matter all that much. I guess if your that rebel anti-society kid then you have an excuse. But still she isn't even coming out of the car!? I am! and i defiantly look like the local mortuary threw out a person 'mistaken' for a corpse.
I looked over at the mirror my face was plaster white and my eyes looked all sunken in, Like i hadn't slept in days. My hair was a greasy mess and i vowed to wash it with conditioner when i got back.
goes like this:
The bus was filled with horny, part German boys. They all smelt just like piss and hot dogs. If you get the picture it was the golden age of grotesque. I spent exactly 4 hours between eighth graders trying to see which one would get a boner first.
As soon as the bus stopped. I stepped off into the wasteland that was an imitation Germany. Little German flags were caked in mud and shit. I met the over weight 20 year old collage drop outs, who were our councilors. Oh and they sucked at speaking anything but English, and even that was pathetic.
But out of the piss,shit and mud came the boy of my dreams. His hair caught with moonlight even thought it was clearly daytime. Blond wisps that covered just below shoulders his sapphire eyes burning. Black military boots and an army jacket with a swastika on the sleeve. He was rugged, beautiful, and Wrong. He competed my urge to piss off society and he was still attractive. How often does anyone find that? Well close to never!
He walked straight up to me and took one of my dreads and told me how it smelt like grapes. He wrote me lullabies and did magic tricks. He was everything i ever wanted in a man."
"Wait...this guy wrote you poetry and did...magic tricks?"
"shut-up Sid.
As i was saying: He was everything i wanted in a man. The hours seemed to last only seconds. The days went by so quickly. Because i spent every waking second with my dear Warren. Till one day he brought me to the local cemetary and we made sweet, sweet love."
"That's disgusting."
"Sid you have absolutely no respect for the beauty of cemetary sex."
I sat there and thought about cemetary sex for quite awhile. I must say it really did sound interesting like in a horror movie or somthing. yeah hey, I might have to do that cemetary sex thing along with having sex in a church and in public. I know i have quite the bucket list but I'll find the right girl to do it with. Or i could just pay a prostitute what ever comes first.
"Anyways, Im pretty sure the condom broke and I'm pretty sure I'm prego."
"Want me to buy ya a test?" I really, REALLY didn't want to buy her a test. Because that would require going to the store and being completely embarrassed.
"OH would you!?" She jumped up and started clapping like mad. I can't see actually knowing the truth about having an embryo in your body make anyone happy but hey what ever floats your canoe.
Kennedy skipped around the room then immediately stopped and twisted her entire body to face me. "Sid its like 1:00 in the morning...."
I scratched my head. Even more embarrassing to be at the convenience store at 1:00 buying a pregnancy test. But here goes the being a good friend shit to come and hit my windshield of life. Fuck it all
"Yeah I'll go anyways."
She ran up and gave me a huge hug. Did i mention i get uneasy with hugs? Well I do so she quickly took her hands off me and apologized.
"Siddy-boy! Your the best friend i could ever have."
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Your coming in the car with me though, ya know." I grabbed my clothes from back in my room a little disappointed i didn't see the hallway PDA again. I put on some black bondage pants and took off the chained crosses cause technical the chains are really loud and I've never liked crosses.
Hence why Todd always refers to me as the 'antichrist'. Just because i can't stand crosses and like to wear black nail polish on occasion, doesn't make me the antichrist, Thank you very much. I am strictly open to different religions is all. Call it cultural exceptance if you will. One religion keeps you close minded like the pussy-boy. Conservative scum.
Anyways i put on some kind of long sleeved (black) shirt and a military jacket my uncle Bryan gave me from his time in Iraq. Which I must admit is probably one of the coolest things i have ever seen.
I walked over to Kennedy's room because heaven knows she wasn't done dressing yet. I knocked on the door of the sweet and i heard a little voice yelling "Come in!"
So i opened up the door and walked in to see Kennedy still applying make-up.
Typical. Why does it take chicks so long to put on make-up i mean, it doesn't really matter all that much. I guess if your that rebel anti-society kid then you have an excuse. But still she isn't even coming out of the car!? I am! and i defiantly look like the local mortuary threw out a person 'mistaken' for a corpse.
I looked over at the mirror my face was plaster white and my eyes looked all sunken in, Like i hadn't slept in days. My hair was a greasy mess and i vowed to wash it with conditioner when i got back.