Dusk Til Dusk And Back Again

“Jo come on! Lets go.” Kate had found me and was pulling me out the door.

We took the Mustang, Kate drove (she doesn’t drink when she’s on a diet).

We pulled into the garage at home. The house was completely dark.

“Jo are you alright? Do you want to talk to me?” Kate asked with a concerned look.

“Um...No I’m just going to go to bed.” I said looking away. “Goodnight.”

“Yea… goodnight.” She said as I went upstairs “Hey Jo.”

“Yea”

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

“Thanks Kate” I said with a weak smile

I went upstairs and into the bathroom. I turned on the hot water, stripped off the jumpsuit and got in. I let the water run over me and I stood there. Then the tears started. I felt stupid crying about it. I had wrecked something that never was. And that’s what hurt the most. The could have beens.

My vision became blurred by the now constant stream of tears. I sat down with my knees scrunched into my chest on the shower floor with the water trickling over me. I sat there and sobbed until all the hot water ran out a long time later.

I stumbled out of the shower and got dressed into my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles singlet and boylegs. Frank had called these my sad pyjamas. The ones I wore when I was upset. He knew me that well. He knew me better than I knew myself. He noticed all the little things I did. The way I’d tap my thumb to the tip of my fingers when I was nervous, the way I’d fiddle with my earlobe when I was intimidated, everything. He knew which pyjamas I wore! Who else knew that!? I hadn’t noticed it until he pointed it out. I loved the way he’d notice things. I loved him.

You screwed that one up pretty good Josephine.

I wandered to my room, turned on my Sarah McLachlan album -a hidden love- and lay down on my bed. It had started to rain. I could hear it on the roof above me and on my windows. I watched it stream down the panes of glass. I had stopped crying. I couldn’t cry anymore. I was dry of all emotion. And empty shell of someone, heartache had broken.

It’s misery made beautiful, right before our eyes.

It’s better this way, I say… everything you say and do hurts us all. All of the strength and all of the courage come and lift me from this place. No one can love me much better then this.

I’m empty since you left me, tried to find a way to carry on. There’s no one left to finger, there’s no one left to blame.

I cannot find the words to say I need you so

I had always scoffed at the girls who fell apart because of a boy. But now I knew how it felt. The look he had given me betrayal, hurt, anger and disappointment in one glance. I had crushed him. And now it was crushing me.

I was a drama queen I knew. But to me this was devastating.

The rain continued to tap at the window. And then knock.

I looked up. Someone was standing outside my window. My heart skipped a beat. I got up from the bed and hurried to open the doors. He stood there completely drenched, still in his Danny costume his wet hair plastered to his face. I couldn’t help but smile slightly.

“Wh--what are you doing here?” I croaked

“I saw the turtles pyjamas.” He said without tone. He came inside, he was dripping all over my carpet but I didn’t care. He was here.

“You what?” I asked confused.

“Probably not the best time to tell you that my room looks into yours.” He said with a smile.
I’ve always loved his smile. The sight of it made me feel warm.

“Frank I-- I’m sorry.” He looked away.

“Jo, don’t.”

“No Frank. I--” I began.

“Jo I don’t--”

I silenced him by softly pushing my lips on his.

“I love you too.”