Don't Stop If I Fall

Today was the day Jordan left. The boys were over at Grams' with me, and we all were playing video games to pass the time. It was Ray and Bob's turn.

"Did you find your phone?" Frank asked me in a whisper, he sat next to me on the couch. I shrugged.

"Jordan just wants to keep in touch with you," he explained. "You aren't afraid of a stupid phone are you?" he laughed.

I glared. His smile faded.

"I know, I get it. But Ava, you gotta accept it, you gotta talk to him," he stated. "I'm tired of lying for you whenever he calls me."

I turned away from him.

"If you loved him, you'd talk to him."

That hurt. It felt like someone just through me into a locker. I froze.

"Ava?" he shook me. He couldn't see the silent tear that ran down my cheek.

I got up from the couch and walked away.

"Wait! Ava, seriously," Frank's voice faded until I could hear his footsteps following me. I sped up until I was running outside into the cool spring night.

"Ava, this is ridiculous, stop!"

I knew it was ridiculous, but it was exactly what I was good at. Running away from my problems.

I ran and I ran. Suddenly, visions popped into my head. Every moment ever spent with him lodged into my mind. It overwhelmed me. My feet stomped on the hard ash fault street and my legs weakened. They shook until I simply just fell to the ground, huddled like a lost kitten.

Frank approached me. "Ava!"

I let out a long sob, my tears flooding the pavement. Frank sat next to me, forcing me to sit up and lean against him.

"Ava don't cry," he comforted.

"Shut up!" I screamed. This startled him.

"I want to fucking cry! I haven't fucking cried in so long! I'm tired of pretending I'm okay! I'm not fucking okay!" I sobbed endlessly.

"Make it go away!" I held my head, trying to lose the images of his face.

Of Gerard's face.

"Ava, please! Calm down!" he held me tighter. I felt his own tears fall onto my arms. He hated seeing me like this.

"I can't," I whimpered into his chest. "I'm nothing without him."