We're All Mad Here

“Hello?”

I peered into the darkness, trying to get my eyes to adjust. I walked around for a bit, hurting my bare feet on random things that were on the floor. Had I really been running around barefoot all this time?

“Dammit! I’m fucking late!”

“Hey Andy! Get back here!”

I ran in the direction that I had heard his voice, only to trip and fall on the floor again. Well, actually there was no floor. I was flying through the air, down a hole I hadn’t noticed. I took everything quite calmly, that is until I looked above and below me and noticed that everything was dark. That’s when the screaming began.

I screamed for a good while, until my throat started hurting. Then, I realized that I was still falling. Annoyed, I tried my best to sit cross-legged and await my demise. Suddenly, a light seemed to turn on and I noticed books & other assorted items falling around me. I grabbed one of them and stared at the cover. Alice in Wonderland. How ironic.

At that moment, I felt ground below me and I looked around. All the falling objects seemed to disappear when they hit the ground with me. Even my only guide to the madness was gone from my hand. I got and brushed myself off, smoothing my dress in places where it had become wrinkled. Wait, dress?

“What just happened?” I exclaimed, jumping back in surprise and looking down at myself. My red pajamas had turned into a dress of the same color; my bare feet in peep toe heels to match. I looked around, trying to figure out where my costume change had occurred, hoping to find a camera crew with a really sick new show for TV. That was the only explanation I had. I noticed that I was at the end of a long hallway, which held no signs of my dropping in. I slowly started for the other end, my heels clicking on the ground as I went.

“Hello? Andy? Help me please. I’m sorry about your watch. How about I buy you coffee and we call it a day?” Now I was trying to bribe the bastard. I must be getting desperate. I continued trying to open the doors that lined the hall as I passed them, but to no avail. They were all locked.

“Dammit Andy!” I yelled, suddenly annoyed. “Where the fuck are you?!”

I went on trying to open the doors, which turned out to be 11 on either side, 22 in all. None of them were unlocked. I sighed and plopped into a chair at the end of the hallway, which faced the path I had just come down. I stared at the side where I had appeared, hoping a wormhole in the space-time continuum would open and take me home already. I hadn’t yet fed Dwayne. Plus, I was starting to go insane. Space-time continuum? What the hell?

“I don’t like coffee,” Andy’s voice came from behind me. He came out of the door right behind me and smiled, checking his watch.

“Well, can you just tell me the way to get out of here,” I asked, standing up and crossing my arms.

“Of course, because you know, I’m not late for anything” Andy said, sarcastically, checking his watch once more.

“So I guess that’s a no,” I said angrily, vowing to slap the watch out of his hand if he checked it once more.

“At least you have some smarts in you. By the way, nice dress,” he cocked his head towards me, taking off as soon as his sentence was out.

He’s such an asshole, I thought as I ran after him. He ran through a new door, one I hadn’t noticed before. Oh joy, 23 doors in the hall. Glad I was leaving when I was. Too bad, the door slammed shut with a loud bang as soon as I reached it. I began punching it, the sound echoing loudly in the hall.

“Damn you, Andy! I’m going to fucking cut off your b-”

The door suddenly opened for me, revealing a lush green countryside. I stepped through and looked around in wonder. I walked down the hill I was on, looking back to make sure the door was still there, which was probably a silly thought. Imagine my surprise when it was gone. I looked down at the small pond at my feet, staring down onto its reflective surface. Everything here was confusing and simply made me wonder what was going on.

Well, I guess that’s why they call it Wonderland.