We're All Mad Here

I had been staring at the pond for a while before I decided to continue my journey home. I started walking around until I got to a worn trail. I followed it until I reached a cute little country house. It couldn’t hurt to ask for help in there, could it?

I ran up to the door and knocked, looking around for signs of life. Nothing.

“Hello!” I called, peering in through the window. All I saw was the perfectly matching furniture, all of it looking brand new. It didn’t seem like anyone really lived here.

“Shh… you’ll wake up Ben!”

I looked up at the second-story window where a young woman about my age was halfway out of. She looked like she was going to fall at any moment.

“I’m sorry,” I replied, trying to keep my voice down. “I’m simply trying to find someone who might be able to help me.”

“Oh! I can help you!” she called back, yelling much louder than I had earlier. Next thing I knew, she jumping out of the window completely, tumbling down onto the ground. I quickly ran over to her side, expecting to find a fresh corpse. Instead, I found the woman maniacally laughing and rolling on the floor as if it were the most normal thing in the world to jump out of a window. I stared at her for a bit before she got up and brushed herself off.

“Well, that was nice,” she stated looking at me. I studied her for a bit on longer, wondering if she was mentally stable. She had long, dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, which complimented her olive skin. She wore a purple dress covered in black lace, one that made her look like she had just walked off the runway. The lopsided tiara in her hair and the copious amounts of jewelry that adorned her neck and arms added to the effect. She seemed a bit loony to me, ut could have just been me judging her.

“Nice to see you again!” she hugged me tightly, interrupting my thoughts. I looked down at her, since she was a few inches shorter than me.

“Have we met before?”

“No, not personally,” she replied nonchalantly, letting me go and walking into her home. I stared after her. Yeah, this woman was definitely crazy. I walked towards the open door and peered inside. Everything was in a disarray. There was so much junk everywhere, I had no idea how she got around. Suddenly, the idea of jumping out a window made sense.

“Excuse me, uh… miss?” I called, looking down to see there was only an open space around the door so that it could be opened easily. I looked towards what seemed to be the living room, which was the room I’d seen through the window. I cautiously started through the mess, trying to get to the couches, but stopped, wondering what the woman would think of my intruding. After all, she hadn’t exactly invited me in.

“There’s lunch on the table,” she called cheerily, her voice wafting from the opposite direction. I continued my journey through the mess, managing to get through the foyer, but almost tripping a few times in the dining room. There wasn’t anything on the table, so obviously, no lunch. I was hungry, but mildly glad she hadn’t set food out when I arrived in what I presumed to be the kitchen, only to have a frying pan thrown at me.

“What the fuck!” I exclaimed, successfully dodging it. “What was that for?” I noticed that more objects were flying around me and I ducked behind the wall, only slightly peering into the room.

The loony woman was sitting on a stool, nursing a baby, a grey cat silently laying at her feet. She didn’t seem fazed by the objects whizzing past her ear, thrown by an obviously demented cook. I stared for a while, until the woman looked up and noticed me in my position.

“Tsk, tsk. You’ll never get to the competition cowering in a corner,” she replied, turning her attention back to the baby. “Come have a look at Ben.”

The cook had stopped her tirade, so I cautiously got up and went towards the woman. Now I understood why the foyer and the living room were so disorganized. I walked around the woman and stood behind her. In her arms, wrapped in a blanket, was a pig.

“A pig?” I questioned, looking down at her for an answer.

“I hate the pig!” the cook suddenly cried, throwing more objects. I was surprised none of them hit me, but it seemed she was aiming for the dining room anyway.

“Oh, Lily.. You’re so silly,” the woman laughed, shaking her hand at the cook. Lily, obviously peeved, threw more objects. The woman went back to her pig, cooing at it as if it were a real child. I stood there awkwardly, wondering if I should interrupt and also what she had meant by competition.

“How rude of you!” the woman suddenly exclaimed, turning to me. I stared at her, hoping for a further explanation. “You come into my home, make yourself comfortable and don’t even introduce yourself! The nerve!”

“Uhh… I’m Alysia. Hi.” I responded, not sure what else to say. She looked at me through squinted eyes and nodded.

“Of course, you already know who I am,” she smiled, running a finger across Ben’s nose.

“Uhh… no, sorry. I don’t.”

Suddenly, she was up, glaring at me. “How dare you trespass! Lily! Escort her out!”

Lily began throwing things at me, and, unfortunately, they actually hit me. I made a quick getaway through a back door I spotted, shutting it once I was out. I leaned against it, trying to catch my breath and wondering what other trouble I could possibly get into.