We're All Mad Here

After sitting in front of the crazy woman’s back door for a bit, I decided to take my chances trying to find someone else to help me, or Andy. It was payback time.

As I walked, I mumbled under my breath, still angry about the episode with the crazy woman. How was I supposed to know who she was? I didn‘t even know where I was. I figured Wonderland, since I seemed to be following in Alice’s footsteps. If only I could properly remember the book.

“Who the fuck does she think she is?” I said out loud, looking around the forest I was currently in.

“She is Brianna, Duchess of Auburndale, this small tiny division of Wonderland, and cousin of the Queen.”

I looked around, wondering who it was that had spoke. I noticed the cat that had been at the loony woman’s house, or as she apparently was called, the Duchess. He must have followed me out. I kneeled down to pet it, noticing that its face looked a bit strange, slightly humanlike.

“Hey kitty,” I murmured, for lack of a better name to call it. “You’re pretty cute.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he replied, grinning.

“What the fuck?!” I fell back onto my ass in surprise, still staring at the cat. He grinned wider.

“Name’s Jon. Pleased to meet you,” he held out a paw. I hesitantly shook it, yanking my arm back afterwards.

“Lost?” he asked, pacing around me. I nodded, still a bit surprised that he could talk, even though I should have learned by now. I watched in awe as he slowly disappeared in front of my eyes.

“Uhh… Jon?”

“Yes?” I looked up to see him appear on a tree branch above my head. He lay down lazily and looked at me, waiting for me to speak. I tried to think of a polite way to phrase my question.

“What are you?” I asked, realizing I sounded like an idiot. He simply grinned wider and began winding his tail around the branch he was on.

“I’m a Cheshire Cat,” he replied. “Basically, that means I’m awesome.”

“Okay… well, can your awesomeness tell me how to get home? Or where I can find Andy, the maniac bunny?”

“Aren’t you supposed to get to the competition?”

“What? What competition?” Jon began disappearing again, his grin the last thing to be left behind. I glared at the space he had been in only a few seconds ago.

“Damn you, Jon! You’re just as useless as Andy and the Duchess. Everyone is against me here,” I finished with a huff and walked away from the tree.

“Hey, I’m not useless!” I turned to see Jon on the tree again, glaring at me. I crossed my arms and stared at him.

“Really, now?”

“No, I am completely useful. I’m chockfull of interesting facts.”

“Like what?”

“The Mad Hatter, his name is Ryan, he’s a crazy-ass lyricist. Or was. Until he turned mad…”

“Mad? How so?”

“Well, it’s kind of hard not to be mad in Wonderland. After all, we’re all mad here.”

“I presume anger management isn’t something that’s offered here?”

“Not that sort of mad,” Jon sighed, walking to the end of his tree branch and appearing next to me. I stared down at him as his grin grew wider. “Mad as in crazy, insane, cracked, psycho.”

“Oh,” I agreed, leaning away, hoping he wouldn’t pull a knife on me and shank me. It seemed like he could do it at any time and that was the last thing I needed. Instead, he grinned and began doing that annoying disappearing thing again.

“Hey! Wait! I still wanted to talk to you!"

“Find your own damn way!” His voice echoed, the reverberation practically bouncing off the trees and hitting me. I sighed in defeat and continued along my way, swearing to kill that stupid Cheshire Cat the next time I saw him.