If Only.

It all echoed through my head...

The last drop fell from my lips.
Empty bottles and mixed cans were scattered around at my feet.
I hadn’t moved all week.
Except to get into my car and demand more alcohol.

I felt wrong.
I felt threatened.
I couldn’t do naught but drink.

My head ached.
My throat was sore.
I should have felt hungry.

I sent everybody away.
I forgot to answer my phone when it rang.
All I could do was watch my wedding tape.

I was so happy.
She was so beautiful.
My sister had gotten me into a tuxedo, no small feat.
And I had felt proud in it.
I knew my life was going to fall right into place with her.

And it had, for a while.
8 years, infact.
I knew that this was it.
That I couldn’t live without her.

She was my true love.
I was so sure of it.
But now, I couldn’t do a thing.

She had left me.
With little warning.
One day she was there, then she was gone.
It was like some kind of twisted magic.

Maybe if I had been better in bed…
If I was bigger, if I lasted longer…
If I was more adventurous…
If I could have given her children…

There was no more alcohol left to drink.
There was no more reason to live.
The last drop fell from my lips.