In Love, Then In Lust.

I looked into the reflection. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Shaved. It was me. I looked at him. Brown hair and beautiful eyes. Striking features. The one who had wickedly smiled at me so often. The one who I trusted with the very essence of my being. The one I had fucked, the one I had woken up in the arms of. The one I wanted so much it hurt.

“I can’t go on like this. I just cant.” I paced the floor, wanting to stop my mouth from saying what it was. I tried to not say anything. Tried to cover the reason of my anguish and despair. Tried to blame something else.

“If you-“ I cut him off. I didn’t want to say it…it just came out.

“This is more than just some thing, it has to be!” Silence. “I…I…” I floundered.

“Ianto.” A beautiful voice. His beautiful voice.

“I’m…I’m just exhausted. I…” I looked down at the floor. What had I done? What had I said?

“If you…I can leave you alone…” He trailed off. I just stood there. He turned to walk away.

“Wait.” I said, a single tear falling. I couldn’t help it. As he turned, he stared at the tear. My weakness. My failure as a man.

My welsh accent crackled as I tried to say something…anything to cover the tear. To make it okay. Without warning, in one stride, he was there. “Don’t be sad Ianto. Don’t feel ashamed.” He tenderly brushed the tear away. I looked away. I couldn’t face him. “Don’t be afraid.”

“I can’t…” At that he placed a hand on my side. I stared into his eyes for a split second, and then, his hand on my face, his lips on mine. And then I knew it was all real.