Little Addie Anguish.
Little Addie Anguish.
I screamed out in anguish and heartache.
“Addie, are you okay?”
“Yes mother, just stubbed…stubbed my toe.”
Why couldn’t I be somebody?
Somebody who’s not normal or not human. Not a person; anything but a person. I didn’t want to have these kinds of thoughts, all the treason and the headaches inside.
“Addie, there’s the hair dye.”
“Blue-black?” I asked, more than just a little annoyed.
I wanted her to be quiet. Anything to stop her from her incessant babbling.
“Addie, get dressed for school.”
“Addie, get ready for work, will you?”
“Addie, we have to go now, you’re fathers not got too long.”
“Addie, Addie. ADDIE.”
I knew what I had to do. What I could do, to be alone with my thoughts for the rest of eternity. To never have to hear another command, never have to work or dance or play or buy or leap or fetch or do anything, but think.
“Addie…Addie, don’t die.”
I was sick of her telling me what to do.
This was my decision.
All mine.
And I didn’t want to do as she told me.
“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!” I screamed at her, teeth gritted, blood pouring. I didn’t care that the last thing I ever said to her was a scream for an answer, a scream for independence. I just wanted, all I had ever wanted was for her to shut the fuck up.
“Addie, are you okay?”
“Yes mother, just stubbed…stubbed my toe.”
Why couldn’t I be somebody?
Somebody who’s not normal or not human. Not a person; anything but a person. I didn’t want to have these kinds of thoughts, all the treason and the headaches inside.
“Addie, there’s the hair dye.”
“Blue-black?” I asked, more than just a little annoyed.
I wanted her to be quiet. Anything to stop her from her incessant babbling.
“Addie, get dressed for school.”
“Addie, get ready for work, will you?”
“Addie, we have to go now, you’re fathers not got too long.”
“Addie, Addie. ADDIE.”
I knew what I had to do. What I could do, to be alone with my thoughts for the rest of eternity. To never have to hear another command, never have to work or dance or play or buy or leap or fetch or do anything, but think.
“Addie…Addie, don’t die.”
I was sick of her telling me what to do.
This was my decision.
All mine.
And I didn’t want to do as she told me.
“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!” I screamed at her, teeth gritted, blood pouring. I didn’t care that the last thing I ever said to her was a scream for an answer, a scream for independence. I just wanted, all I had ever wanted was for her to shut the fuck up.