Status: Updating the fourth chapter as of now.
Brothers on a Hotel Bed
For You
“Mikey?”
The room was spinning and I tried to grab a hold on the walls but there were none.
“Gerard?”
“Mikey, follow my voice, please.” Gerard's voice rang throughout my weightless form, sending thousands of throbbing pulses into my core. When I looked around me, I saw nothing but colors. Dark purples, blues, and reds swirled around me like a whirlwind, making me sick to my stomach. A cement floor was cold on my bare feet, and that was about the only physical feeling I could feel. My limbs were jello-like. My head and vision was blurry. It felt like I'd ingested some unknown drug; dangerous and disorienting. I was a movie stuck in slow motion.
I walked down shimmering corridor after corridor, hoping to find Gerard, for whatever reason. I could still hear his cries but couldn't make out which direction they were coming from. And finally, when I felt like I couldn't go on any more, I saw out of my peripheral vision, a door frame, but instead of a door, the entrance was concealed with a dirty, white curtain.
With a cloudy head full of uncertainty, I stepped up to the curtain, fully aware now that the screams were coming from inside the room.
Swish, close, look.
The room is dark but I could see a faint light bouncing off a mirror in the corner. I smelt chlorine and sulphur, and could hear the sound of a dripping tap. I thought I was in some sort of wash room, however, I wasn't certain. Suddenly, as if the spinning colors in the hallway weren't dizzying enough, a light was turned on. The fluorescent kind that buzzes while it shines off a dim, green glow. I was in a bathroom with Gerard standing at a sink, hands in the basin which was filled with blood. Blood spilled over the sink and down onto the floor, ending at my feet in a murky puddle.
“Mikey, see what you've done to me?” Gerard turned his head fast, and looked at me with blackened eyes. His expression was unreal; his eyes dark, almost black and his pupils are nearly dilated to their full circumference. He looked feral, like a wild beast interrupted while killing its prey.
In the time they grew black, they had softened into their normal shade while his eyebrows furrowed into a pleading look. “Mikey...?”
Gerard reached out a bloody arm to me and I felt dizzier than ever.
The room was spinning and I tried to grab a hold on the walls but there were none.
***
When I woke up the next morning my head was pounding so hard it felt like my brains were pushing out against my ears and my heart was in my throat. I felt ill; about to throw up my insides or tear them from my own body. But those thoughts and feelings barely phased me anymore. I was so used to waking up everyday and having so many different thoughts hit my mind at once. It was sickening.
He hadn't called in two weeks. In my whole life, I've never gone two weeks without hearing Gerard's soft voice, or seen his body- standing in doorways or laying across the couch like he always did when he was watching TV- Hell, I hadn't gone more than two days without him. It was killing me.
The dream I had the night before didn't exactly settle my mind, either. The thought of him mutilating himself over our distance was something I could not have laying on my shoulders. The weight of all that guilt would surely lead me to a similar way of coping.
However, it was just a dream. I should convince myself that. I should convince myself he's doing fine and he's happy and everything is okay-- but I have this horrible feeling that something isn't right. Except, I didn't know what was wrong, or why Gerard left in the first place. I didn't know if his disappearance was something to do with not wanting me anymore, or if our parents were getting suspicious...I left most of that stuff to him. I just went along with things and loved him more than any brother should love his sibling.
So maybe Gerard thought it was best if he lay low for a while, make everyone believe that me and him could live without one another. Living without him though is something that I can't explain. It's like breathing for someone who wants to suffocate; living for someone who wants to die.
I'm breathing for you.
The room was spinning and I tried to grab a hold on the walls but there were none.
“Gerard?”
“Mikey, follow my voice, please.” Gerard's voice rang throughout my weightless form, sending thousands of throbbing pulses into my core. When I looked around me, I saw nothing but colors. Dark purples, blues, and reds swirled around me like a whirlwind, making me sick to my stomach. A cement floor was cold on my bare feet, and that was about the only physical feeling I could feel. My limbs were jello-like. My head and vision was blurry. It felt like I'd ingested some unknown drug; dangerous and disorienting. I was a movie stuck in slow motion.
I walked down shimmering corridor after corridor, hoping to find Gerard, for whatever reason. I could still hear his cries but couldn't make out which direction they were coming from. And finally, when I felt like I couldn't go on any more, I saw out of my peripheral vision, a door frame, but instead of a door, the entrance was concealed with a dirty, white curtain.
With a cloudy head full of uncertainty, I stepped up to the curtain, fully aware now that the screams were coming from inside the room.
Swish, close, look.
The room is dark but I could see a faint light bouncing off a mirror in the corner. I smelt chlorine and sulphur, and could hear the sound of a dripping tap. I thought I was in some sort of wash room, however, I wasn't certain. Suddenly, as if the spinning colors in the hallway weren't dizzying enough, a light was turned on. The fluorescent kind that buzzes while it shines off a dim, green glow. I was in a bathroom with Gerard standing at a sink, hands in the basin which was filled with blood. Blood spilled over the sink and down onto the floor, ending at my feet in a murky puddle.
“Mikey, see what you've done to me?” Gerard turned his head fast, and looked at me with blackened eyes. His expression was unreal; his eyes dark, almost black and his pupils are nearly dilated to their full circumference. He looked feral, like a wild beast interrupted while killing its prey.
In the time they grew black, they had softened into their normal shade while his eyebrows furrowed into a pleading look. “Mikey...?”
Gerard reached out a bloody arm to me and I felt dizzier than ever.
The room was spinning and I tried to grab a hold on the walls but there were none.
***
When I woke up the next morning my head was pounding so hard it felt like my brains were pushing out against my ears and my heart was in my throat. I felt ill; about to throw up my insides or tear them from my own body. But those thoughts and feelings barely phased me anymore. I was so used to waking up everyday and having so many different thoughts hit my mind at once. It was sickening.
He hadn't called in two weeks. In my whole life, I've never gone two weeks without hearing Gerard's soft voice, or seen his body- standing in doorways or laying across the couch like he always did when he was watching TV- Hell, I hadn't gone more than two days without him. It was killing me.
The dream I had the night before didn't exactly settle my mind, either. The thought of him mutilating himself over our distance was something I could not have laying on my shoulders. The weight of all that guilt would surely lead me to a similar way of coping.
However, it was just a dream. I should convince myself that. I should convince myself he's doing fine and he's happy and everything is okay-- but I have this horrible feeling that something isn't right. Except, I didn't know what was wrong, or why Gerard left in the first place. I didn't know if his disappearance was something to do with not wanting me anymore, or if our parents were getting suspicious...I left most of that stuff to him. I just went along with things and loved him more than any brother should love his sibling.
So maybe Gerard thought it was best if he lay low for a while, make everyone believe that me and him could live without one another. Living without him though is something that I can't explain. It's like breathing for someone who wants to suffocate; living for someone who wants to die.
I'm breathing for you.