The *** of Gerard Way

Gerard sat in a chair next Lola, staring angrily at his hands.

He could have killed you, or your brother. Lola's faint voice echoed in his head.

Gerard slammed his fist onto the table.

"Damn him!" He yelled. "Damn him, damn him, damn him, damn him!"

He slammed his fist on the table for every 'damn him' he said.

He knew he had to do something. But what? He was a ghost, for crying out loud. How can you do something when no one can even see you?

"I'm going to find this guy." Gerard said. "I'm going to hunt him down and.. and.."

"And what?" Lola's voice was soft and calm. "Kill him?"

Gerard slammed his fist on the table again.

He had to find his killer. He had to. Or else... fear settled down in Gerard's stomach, replacing the anger that was once there.

Mikey.

Gerard realized that Mikey's life was in serious danger.

God, what do I do? Whatcan I do? Gerard gave a deep sigh.

"Is there... is there any way I can talk to him?" Gerard asked. "My brother, I mean."

Lola stared at the wall in front of him.

"Yes."

Gerard jumped out of his seat. A spark of hope filled his chest.

"But he might not hear you." Lola said.

"What?" Gerard sat back down again.

"No, what I meant was he might not listen to you."

"What? How can you not listen to your dead brother?" Gerard frowned as he realized how crazy that sounded.

"Everyone can hear spirits... but sometime's it sounds like... like the wind, for instance."

"So you're saying the wind is actually spirits talking?"

"No, no." Lola shook her head. "What I'm saying is that the spirits' voices are so soft that it blends with other sounds. No one can tell the difference anymore."

"So how do I get him to hear me?"

"You concentrate. Concentrate hard."

Gerard stood up. He had no idea what he was supposed to concentrate on, but he couldn't waste any more time. A whole day had already gone by and he was still moping about being dead.

"You're leaving." Lola said.

Gerard scratched the back of his neck. He didn't know what he was supposed to say.

"Thanks." He said softly. "Thanks a lot. Without you.. I'd still be sitting on that park bench staring at the birds."

Lola nodded.

"You should get going." Lola's calm, soothing voice said.

Gerard nodded, forgetting that Lola couldn't see and left her alone in the dark, hazy room.

The sun was hidden behind dark clouds as Gerard stepped out of the shop.

He looked up at the street sign that read 'Main St.' He wasn't too far from home.

He walked down a couple of streets, cut through some alleys, then stopped at an intersection. He looked around.

A 7-11 stood across the street, a Dunkin Doughnut's next to it. So that meant...

Gerard turned and saw the large sign that read 'Pine Arbor.' The sight nearly knocked him off his feet. He never knew how happy he would be just to see that crappy sign.

Quickly, he walked past the sign and into the parking lot. He broke into a jog when he saw his building in the distance.

People around him were busy, doing whatever it was that they needed to do: exercising, getting their mail, or just sitting there. None of this fazed Gerard. He was intent on getting home.

He smiled, seeing his car parked in the same old spot as it had always been. He ran past it, up two flights of stairs, and stopped in front of a door.

He stood there, staring at the apartment number, trying to will himself to go inside.

Seeing his home gave him a strange feeling in his stomach. Just standing there made him kind of weary. It reminded him how much he missed everything. How much he missed the soft, fuzzy welcome mat under his feet, or the stair that creaked everytime you set your foot on it. It also reminded him that the world just kept going. He wasn't really sure how much time had passed anymore, since he had no use of time anymore.

But he was sure of one thing. He wanted to see Mikey.

He reached for the doorknob and stood there like that, feeling the coldness seep into his fingers. After a moment or two, he turned the knob, opened the door slightly, and slipped inside.

---------

Bob was sitting on the floor in the kitchen when he heard the door open and shut. It was probably Mikey, back from his walk.

Bob leaned back against the refrigerator and sighed. He had this empty feeling in his heart, in his head, and even his eyes.

When he heard about Gerard, he didn't even cry. He tried. He tried as hard as he could, to show how sad he was. But nothing came.

He felt horrible. He felt guilty. He felt... inhuman, if that was a word. He had always thought that men should never cry. But right now, that was all he wanted to do. And he couldn't. It sucked, because Gerard had been like an older brother to him. Thinking about him made him want to curl up and yell at the wall.

The apartment was empty. Frank and Ray had both gone home, leaving Bob there, sitting on the floor, where he wouldn't mess anything up for the investigation. He didn't want to go home. He couldn't.

Suddenly, Bob remembered the door had opened earlier.

Slowly, he stood up and walked into the living room. No one was there. Bob frowned.

"Hello?" He listened for any sign of life.

Nothing.

---------

"Bob!" Gerard shouted.

It was no use. He couldn't hear him.

Gerard groaned
.
Concentrate. Concentrate.

"Bob, it's me." He said, trying to concentrate on getting him to hear him. "Come on, Bobby boy, right here... no, turn around.. come back!"

Bob turned and went back to the kitchen.

"Damnit, Bob!" Gerard followed him there and watched him stand in front of the sink. He just stood there, staring at the faucet. "Bob... Bob.. Bo-o-ob... Bobby... Boob... Boobs..."

Gerard groaned again.

Concentrate. Concentrate! Concentrate on what?

Gerard took a deep breath and dug his heels into the ground. He stared at Bob's back.

Please listen to me....

"Bob.." Gerard said loudly.

Bob hung his head over the sink and groaned in frustration over something.

Listen to me....

Bob suddenly groaned. His voice sounded tired.

Gerard stared at him. His friend.

"You really need some sleep, you know that?" Gerard said softly, even though he was supposed to be concentrating on being heard..

And it was true. Gerard watched him slump over the sink like that. His eyes looked dull and his blonde hair was a mess. His face looked tired and sad. He looked like he was 10 years older.

Gerard's mind wandered for a moment. He remembered the week after Christmas. Bob was sitting on the couch and Gerard was behind him. He had just gotten a camcorder from Frank, and he knew how much Bob liked his privacy. Bob was sitting there, watching Charlie Brown when he noticed Gerard behind him.

"Get that thing outta my face!" Bob had yelled as he ducked under a pillow.

"Come on, Bob!" Gerard laughed. "You have to show your sexy face at one point or another!"

"Gerard, I'm serious!" Gerard could see that Bob was laughing under the pillow.

"Aww, come on, Bob-O!" Gerard pulled the pillow off of his face.

"Dude, stop!" Bob had jumped off the couch at that point, but as he hopped off, he banged his left arm against a table.

Gerard had run into the kitchen, snickering as Bob rubbed his elbow in pain.

Oh, how he would kill to have his life back.

He winced. That was a poor choice of words.
Listen... Listen... Listen..

Suddenly, Bob lifted his head up slightly. He sighed and stared at his left arm thoughtfully.

Gerard's heart jumped. Did he...?

"Bob.. You gotta listen to me.."

Bob just sighed again and kept staring at the sink, as if all the answers would come pouring out of the faucet at any minute.

Gerad was starting to get frustrated. He glared at Bob, angry that he couldn't hear him.

Why can't you hear me? Listen, for fuck's sake! Listen... Listen!

"Listen!" Gerard shouted.

Suddenly, Bob's head shot up. He spun around quickly and stared past Gerard, his mouth slightly hanging open and a confused look in his eyes.

"H-hello?" Bob's voice was raspy.

Gerard stared at Bob incredulously.

---------

Bob spun around quickly, his heart pounding in his ears.

He stared at the empty spot before him.

"H-hello?" He said in a raspy voice.

He looked around him. No one was there.

He could have sworn he heard someone yelling at him. A voice close to him.

He had been thinking about that week after Christmas when Gerard had gotten his camcorder. He had no idea why he had been thinking about that. It had just popped into his head unexpectedly.

Suddenly, Bob got a strange feeling in his stomach. That voice...

No, that's stupid.

Before he could stop himself, Bob blurted into the air.

"Gerard?"