The *** of Gerard Way

Gerard found himself in the fetal position. He uncurled his body and sat up. He looked around. Once again, he was sitting in the abyss.

He searched for the little boy with curly hair and green eyes.

"Hello?" He called out.

Nothing.

Now what? Gerard sighed and crossed his arms.

What did he do wrong? He had to be here for a reason. Why would God just rip him out of an important moment without a reason. Then again, he'd heard of that saying 'God works in mysterious ways.'

He just hoped not too mysterious.

He was pretty sure he had scared the shit out of Bob. He felt kind of bad about that, but he had to. He just hoped that Bob was taking care of Mikey. He didn't want anything bad to happen to him.

Gerard tried to think back to the night he was killed. At least he thought it was night. It was dark, at least. What had he been doing?

He racked his brain for any trace of memory of that night. Anything.

He gave a frustrated groan and fell onto his back. Why couldn't he remember?

He tried to think of other things. He heard somewhere that if you don't think about what you're trying to remember, it'll just come back to you. He sighed and closed his eyes.

Other things... other things.... oranges.... mmmm. God, what I would do for one more orange. Or any kind of food, for that matter. Like... like chocolate... and Skittles, and Laffy Taffy... and hamburgers, fries, steak, sub samiches, orange juice, ice cream.... oh Dear Lord, ice cream.

Gerard's mouth was beginning to water.

Ice cream... cool, vanilla ice cream... with sprinkles on top... and hot fudge... and little bits of Oreo cookie, and maybe some strawberry syrup, too.

Suddenly, Gerard sat up. It was like a spark had gone off in his head.

"Wait..." Gerard said to himself. He tried hard to keep his train of thought.

That night.. ice cream... he had gone out for ice cream. That was it.

"Ice cream." Gerard said softly. "Ice cream!"

Gerard felt giddy.

He remembered... it was useless information, but at least he had remembered something.

"Okay... so I went out for ice cream with... with..." Gerard thought hard.

Who had he gone with?

"By myself. Who goes out for ice cream by themselves?" He muttered.

He realized he was still talking out loud.

He had gone out for ice cream all by himself... he must have gone to The Chief, because that was the only place he liked to get ice cream.

"Then what?"

Gerard racked his brain for any fragment of memory.

He had gone home right after that, hadn't he?

"Yes... yes!" Gerard almost shouted. He was beginning to remember.

He walked up the stairs and had to fumble through his pockets to find his key. He slid the key into the keyhole and stopped. He remembered he had this wierd feeling in his stomach. He went into the apartment and....

"And....?"

Gerard jumped.

"Who said that?" His voice was a whisper.

It certainly wasn't him who said that. The hairs on his neck were standing on end.

He turned around and searched for the owner of the voice.

Standing behind him was a little girl. Dressed in all white.

Is everyone in heaven a kid?

"No." The little girl said.

"Oh."

The little girl just stood there.

"Are you..." Gerard squinted at her. "Are you an angel or something?"

The little girl just stared at him.... like he should know that answer.

Something in her eyes gave him a creeping feeling in his stomach. Like she knew what he was thinking.

"Okay, then..." Gerard said awkwardly. "Why am I here.. again?"

The little girl shrugged.

"What?" Gerard's mouth hung slightly open. There he was, in the middle of nowhere, an angel standing in front of him, and she didn't even know why he was there.

Gerard looked at her carefully. Her eyes...

"You know.." He said quietly. "You just won't tell me."

The little girl's face flinched. The corner of her mouth was upturned ever so slightly. Gerard guessed that was a smile.

"Alright, then," Gerard sighed. "I'm willing to bet that I'm supposed to figure it out myself."

The little girl only stared at him.

Gerard hung his head back in frustration.

"Just... just throw a dog a bone, or something!" He said. "Seriously, I could use a clue... anything!"

The little girl cocked her head. One eyebrow was slightly raised.

Gerard felt a shiver slip through his spine. He knew what he was seeing in her eyes.

Wisdom.

Wisdom way beyond her years.

The little girl's eyes stared through his mind.

"Remember." The little girl said. Her voice was barely a whisper.

Remember.

Suddenly, everything disappeared in front of him. Gerard was suddenly standing in front of an ice cream stand.

"Can I have a banana split?" He heard himself say.

He felt distant, like he was watching from above.

The young woman smiled, nodded, and disappeared behind an ice cream machine.

Gerard stood there, bouncing on the balls of his feet, trying to keep himself warm. It was strange that he craved ice cream on such a cold night. He watched his breath form tiny little clouds in front of him as he waited for the girl to give him his ice cream.

"Here ya' go." She held out the banana split.

Gerard reached for it and took it, his hand brushing against her warm fingers. As he began to reach into his pocket for his wallet, the girl held up her hand.

"No, that's alright." She smiled. "It's on the house."

Gerard stood there.

"Oh, no, I can-"

The girl smiled at him again.

"It's no problem." She said. She picked up a rag and began wiping the window.

"Are... are you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Thank you. So much."

Gerard nodded at her and turned to walk away.

"Oh, and by the way," The girl called out.

Gerard turned to look at her.

"I think My Chemical Romance is one of the greatest bands out there."

Gerard stared at her thoughtfully. A girl, working in an ice cream stand, at 2:00 in the morning, who happened to like the band.

"Thanks..." He said in a faint voice. "Really.. you don't know how much that touches me."

The girl nodded and continued to wipe down the windows.

Gerard turned and took a bite of ice cream. He let the ice cream melt in his mouth as he slowly walked down the cracked sidewalk. It was always nice to meet fans. It was more than nice. It was... shocking to find someone that really liked their music enough to acknowledge it. Shocking and touching. He almost felt like crying.

The streetlights above him shone down on him as he dipped his spoon into his ice cream and indulged on it's sweetness.

Gerard licked his lips and looked up at the dark sky, really looked at it, and admired it's beauty.

He knew.

He sighed sadly and continued eating his ice cream. He turned left at an intersection. He looked up and saw the great, big apartment complex stand before him.

He sang softly under his breath as he walked through the great big gates.

"Trust, you said, who put the words in your head," Gerard dropped his ice cream to the ground without noticing. He ran his sweaty hand across the cold metal, feeling it. Feeling it one last time.

"Oh, how wrong we were to think," He continued singing as he strolled past different buildings. He was nearing Mikey's. "Oh, how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying."

He's waiting.

""Stand up fucking tall,"," There were tears running down his cheeks as he climbed up the stairs. "Don't let them see your back."

He's waiting for you.

"And take my fucking..." Gerard stopped in front of the door, tears running down his cheeks, snot running down his nose. He wiped at his nose and fumbled around his pockets for his key. He slid the key into the keyhole and opened the door.

"And never," Gerard slowly walked into the apartment, still singing under his breath. He closed his eyes and stood in the living room. "Never trust, you said, who put the words in your head."

He's here.

Gerard took a shuddery breath and stood in front of the door to his room. He let his hand rest on the doorknob.

He's here and he's waiting. Waiting just for you.

"Oh, how wrong we were to think," Gerard turned the knob and let the door creak open. The room was dark. He walked in, slowly, step after step. His heart wasn't racing anymore. He was unusually calm.

He walked over to the corner and turned on the lamp. He heard a thump behind him.

"Oh, how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying." He sang one last time. He squeezed his eyes shut.

One last time.

Suddenly, he felt someone grab his shoulder and clamp a piece of cloth over his mouth.

This tastes wierd.

He didn't struggle. There was no use. He just let him throw his body to the floor. He flinched when he saw the needle.

I'm doing this for you.

He was almost sobbing as the needle plunged into his arm.

Not because it hurt like hell.

Not because he was deathly afraid of needles.

I'm doing this for you, Mikey.

The killer had a mask on. He stuck his face close to Gerard's.

"Revenge's a bitch, ain't it?" Gerard could smell the man's breath. He turned away. "Any last words?"

Gerard stared at the wall. He was feeling drowsy.

"I'm going to miss it." He whispered.

"What?" The man hissed. "You're gonna miss what?"

"Everything." One last tear dropped to the floor. "Life."

The man grinned and pulled his mask off.

Everything was becoming dark. His breathing had become strained.

The cloth was poisoned.

"Well that's too bad." The man said.

Gerard tried looking at him. His vision was blurring.

I'm gonna miss it.

I'm gonna miss it.

I am going to miss it.

Gerard stared at the wall, thinking of Mikey, glad. He was glad he was okay. He was glad he had told him not to come home tonight. He was glad that he was dying instead of Mikey. He was glad.

He felt his heart beating slowly inside his chest.

He was glad that he had stumbled upon his plan. He was glad that he accidentally found out what this man was up to. He was glad, because now his brother could live his life. He smiled wearily. The thudding in his chest stopped, his chest no longer rising.

Can you hear me, God?