The *** of Gerard Way

Mikey stood in the middle of a large, empty road, straddling the faded yellow lines that were painted there so long ago.

The cold wind bit into his body, reminding him that he didn't bring a jacket. Mikey didn't mind.

He breathed in the winter air and looked up at the sky. The stars, scattered on a
dark night sky, shone brightly. He watched as they twinkled and danced among each other, never losing their luminous light. He smiled faintly and looked around him.

The road he stood on was old and worn down. Skid marks from past accidents stained the road, leaving a permanent mark from the past. Slowly, he spun his body, observing the scene before him.

Large trees lined each side of the road, their leaves drifting slowly to the ground.

Mikey spun a little faster, wanting to see the world in a blurry point of view.

He spun, seeing tree, empty road, another tree, empty road again, and so on.

He laughed happily, throwing his head back, feeling the air fill his lungs.

Mikey spun faster.

Tree, empty road, tree, empty road.

For the first time in his life, he felt happy.

Happy to be alive and happy to see the world.

Tree, empty road, tree, empty road.

Mikey closed his eyes for a second and listened to the whooshing sound as he spun. He felt like a little kid.

Whoosh, whoosh.

He opened his eyes.

Tree, empty road, tree, empty road, whoosh, bright light.

Bright light.

Mikey didn't stop spinning. He couldn't bring himself to stop. He didn't want to stop feeling so happy.

Mikey heard a roaring sound.

He stopped.

Before him, a car was speeding towards him.

It all happened so fast.

Mikey stood there. It was too late to jump out of the way. He grinned at the car.

I'm coming, Gerard.

He squeezed his eyes shut, still grinning. He heard a high pitched squeal from the brakes, but it was much too late. The car rammed into him, sending him flying. He must have been in the air for two seconds, but it felt longer. As he flew through the air, in slow motion, he saw the trees. They were shivering in the wind, their branches waving high in the air. It almost looked like they were waving goodbye.

Mikey hit the ground, an ugly crunching sound rising from his arm. He felt blood on his head and dirt on his back. He lay on his back, staring up at the bright stars, still dancing amongst themselves.

"I'm coming, Gerard." He wheezed.

He closed his eyes and waited for it to come. He waited and ignored the pinching feeling in his arm.

He's waking up.

Oh, thank God.

Mikey? Can you hear me? Mikey?

Mikey opened his eyes to find Frank, Ray and Bob crowded around him. A stranger was sitting next him, poking his arm.

He looked around. He was sitting on a white bed with white sheets, wearing a white night gown, surrounded by white walls and a bunch of monitors. The air tasted of medicine and plastic.

"W-Where am I?" Mikey's voice was shaky.

"You're in the hospital." Frank said.

"I'm... I'm alive?" Mikey whispered.

Everyone around him nodded.

"You mean... the car didn't kill me?"

Everyone looked puzzled.

"What car?" Bob's voice was soft.

"The-" Mikey stopped as he slowly realized it was all a dream. The road, the spinning, the air, the collision... everything. Mikey looked at the girl sitting next to him. She was poking him with a needle. "That fucking hurts."

The girl looked up.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She looked embarrassed. She was obviously new.

"No, that's alright."

The girl just got up and said, "I think I'll try again later."

Mikey nodded and watched her leave.

Mikey touched his head. His fingers touched cloth. He realized that cloth was wrapped around his whole head. He let his arm drop next to him, only to see that his arm was bandaged, too.

"What...?" Mikey frowned. "What the hell happened?"

Bob sighed uncomfortably.

"Um... you fell..."

"I fell...?" Mikey waited.

"Yeah.. don't you remember?" Bob was obviously hiding something.

"How exactly did I fall?"

"You just fainted on me... you seriously don't remember?" Bob was biting on his lower lip.

"No, Bob, I d-" Suddenly, it all came rushing back to him. Bob crying, him feeling faint, the unicorn.

The unicorn.

"Where's the unicorn?" Mikey said suddenly.

"What?" Ray raised his eyebrow.

"The unicorn. Where is it?" Mikey's voice was becoming distressed.

"Oh, you mean this?" Frank turned around and reached for a bag on the table. Mikey winced as he heard jangling in the bag.

He took the bag and opened it.

Everyone fell silent.

His shoulders slumped as he saw what was inside.

"No." He said softly.

He reached inside and carefully picked up a pointy shard. He stared at it, rubbing his thumb over the cool porcelain. Blood stained the sharp tip. Mikey glanced at his arm.

He stared at the sharp pieces of what once was a unicorn. He thought sadly of a song by The Used.

I found a box of sharp objects.

"What a beautiful thing." He sang softly under his breath. Except this was a bag. And it wasn't beautiful. At all. In fact, it made him want to die. He wanted to take the shard and stab it through his chest.

Olivia's small, sweet voice echoed through his head.

"Is your brother lost too?"

Mikey closed his eyes and brought the shard to his heart.

Ray and Frank jumped up, panic in their eyes.

But Mikey didn't plunge it into his chest. Instead, he pressed it against the spot above his heart. He breathed in and felt the porcelain warm his skin through the hospital gown. He thought back to his dream.

It sent an eerie, tickling sensation down his spine. The dream had kind of spooked him.

He breathed out, still pressing the porcelain against his heart.

Mikey opened his eyes to find everyone staring at him.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked him, concerned.

Mikey stared at the white sheets. He wondered how many people had used these before him.

"Yeah..." Mikey said softly without looking up. "I think so."

"So... you do remember, don't you?" Bob's voice was nervous.

"Yeah." He said, still staring at the sheets. He wondered how many people had died in this room. "Yeah, I do."

"Everything?" Bob sucked in his breath.

Mikey realized what he was getting at. He slowly raised his head and looked at Bob. His eyes were tired-looking and droopy. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"Everything." He said in a soft voice. He had so many questions to ask him. But surprisingly, he was too tired to ask him now. "Can... can you guys leave me alone for a little bit?"

He watched them glance at each other, then slowly get up.

"Yeah, of course." Ray said, speaking for all of them.

Mikey watched them walk out the door, leaving him alone in the hospital room.

He sighed and stared at the broken piece of porcelain laying in his hand.

"Jesus. Fucking. Christ."

You shouldn't swear.

"Yeah, I know."

Mikey looked up.

"Wait.. what?"

Was it he who had said that? Yeah, of course. Nobody else was there.

He looked around to make sure no one had come back in. The room was empty.

Yes, it was him. But it sounded so far away.

Mikey touched his head. Then again, he had just hit his head against a table.

He pulled the sheets up closer to his chin as he realized that it had gotten colder in the room.

He exhaled and watch his breath form tiny, little clouds.

Jesus, this is a hospital... it shouldn't be this cold.

He sighed and stared at the wall, thinking about the dream again.

I'm coming, Gerard.

He couldn't get that out of his head. It kind of scared him shitless. It scared the shit out of him because he didn't actually know where Gerard was. He knew where his body was. It was down at the morgue. Except he didn't know where the morgue was.

So he actually didn't know where Gerard's body was.

All he knew was that some people were picking and poking him at this very moment, trying to figure out what he had eaten before he died, whether he had had sex or not, and who was the last person to touch him.

Mikey actually had no idea what they were doing to his body... he had just seen that stuff on Discovery Channel.

But he had no idea where Gerard was. Both physically and spiritually. He had never really believed in the whole coming back to the dead stuff, despite the band's love for zombies, but after talking to Bob.... Mikey slowly shook his head.

No.

No fucking way.

But Bob wouldn't lie like that... at least he thought he wouldn't.

"Would Bob lie to me?" Mikey asked himself softly. "At a time like this?"

No, he would not.

There it was again. That far away voice.

Mikey shook his head again. Of course it was his spontaneous thinking again.

He stared at the sheets again. They were so white. So clean and pure. So serene... and peaceful.

He hoped that's how Gerard felt when he died. Peaceful. And he hoped that it
didn't hurt. That's what he prayed for everynight. That it doesn't hurt for him to be dead.

"Oh, Gerard." Mikey whispered softly, as he had done so so many times in the past week. He stared at the white sheets, letting his finger graze over the cool cloth.

"Is your brother lost, too?"

"Where are you, Gerard?"

Suddenly, Mikey felt the whole room freeze up.

I'm right here.