Lips Like Morphine

Mat stood in the shadows of the hall and watched Forest leave. He’d tried to walk away, forget, calm down, but he only reached the bottom of the stairs and ran back up.
Now, as she walked away from him, he couldn’t reach out to her. He hid in the corner and waited for her to leave.
He pushed into the apartment and fled to the bedroom. He looked in the wardrobe and to his relief; he saw Forest had left most of her clothes.
“She’s coming back, she’s coming back.” He sang, as he hugged a dress, spinning round the room. But this mad happiness was short lived; he admitted to himself that she’d simply left them, not wanting them anymore.
He ripped them all off their hangers and threw them on the bed. He collapsed on the garments and cried to them, trying to be close to her.
“I’m sorry, come back. I want you, I need you, please come back. I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry, please come back...”
His body wracked with violent sobs and he clung to as many pieces of material as possible. Eventually, his body, tired and weak, gave up and he fell into an uneasy sleep, first happily dreaming of Forest, with laughs and smiles, before she walked away and he couldn’t catch up with her. He constantly woke up, skin damp with cold sweat and gasping for air. He’d turn to hug Forest, but he’d realise the nightmare was reality, that she really had left. He fell out of the bed and scrambled to the large glass windows, opening them wide and leaning out. In this madness, he almost screamed her name, hoping that wherever she was, she’d hear his desperate plea and return. But every night, he stopped himself, telling himself that he didn’t deserve her, that he should leave her alone to live a better life.
In the day, he just sat around and wrote countless letters, songs and poems to Forest, but then threw them away, leaving sheets of paper strewn across the floor. He didn’t eat, he didn’t really drink much and he sank into a deep depression that soon began to send him insane.
For two weeks, he lived completely alone. Everyone was angry with him, so no one was there to check if he was okay.
Jonny had gone everyday, but he never knocked, he just got to the door, hesitated and left.
So, Mat lived in his own little world, sad and alone.
Until one night.
Mat was having his re-occurring nightmare, tossing and turning once more, when suddenly in his dream, he heard a faint ringing. He looked around for the source, seeing nothing. Then, the dream faded into black and he sat upright in bed, grabbing the phone.
“Hello?” He asked softly.
“Chicago General Hospital. Is that Mr Devine?” A woman asked.
Mat took a second to answer, his crazy brain remembering whom he was, what was going on.
“Yes, yes it is.”
“Mr Devine, I’m calling about your wife,” Wife? Mat thought, she doesn’t want to be that anymore…
“She was found unconscious in an alley. She’s taken a very dangerous overdose of painkillers.”
“What? She…I’ll be over straight away.” He said and hung up.
Like every night, he scrambled from bed, but now he grabbed clothes, shoving them on over his thin frame and rushed through the apartment. Boots, Forest’s jacket, lock the door. He caught a glance of his reflection in the mirror by the door and registered he hadn’t shaved for at least a week.
“No time.” he muttered and slammed the door shut.

The hospital was streets away and was a dangerous journey late at night, but Mat ran the whole way, his mind, now active again, buzzing with worry. He was completely out of breath as he slammed against the desk in A&E, but it didn’t bother him, he hadn’t noticed.
“Forest Devine. I just got a call.” He said to the woman who sat behind a computer screen.
“You must be Mr Devine. The doctors are still trying to get her through, I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait.”
“Please, let me see her, it’ll help, honest.” Mat pleaded.
“I’m sorry, I truly am, but I can’t let you go.”
“Can you do something for me?” he asked.
“Of course.” The woman smiled.
“Go to her, hold her hand and whisper that I’m here and that this is punishment to the extreme. Tell her I’m going to see her through this and until the very end.”
The nurse smiled warmly and Mat could see she was on the verge of tears, obviously aware of what had happened in some level of detail.
“I’ll do that.” She whispered and quickly left.
Mat sighed and took a seat in the waiting area. He was restless and couldn’t seem to stay still.
After what seemed a lifetime, a doctor approached Mat, ringing his hands and a sympathetic smile on his face.
“Shit.” Mat whispered.
“Mr Devine,” The doctor began.
“Mat.”
“Mat then, I’m afraid I have bad news…”
“No no no!” Mat covered his face with his hands and shook his head.
“I’m so sorry. We’ve brought her through, she’s perfectly fine, but it’s as though she’s given up, she won’t wake.”
“Can I see her now, please?” Mat whimpered.
“Of course. Follow me.” Silently, Mat walked and he fought back his tears.
“Here you go.” The doctor said, “I’ll make sure you’re alone. I’m so sorry.” As he nudged Mat into the room, he shut the door and left.
Mat just stood by the door and looked at the shape on the bed.
As he stepped forward, he could see the dark circles under her eyes and his own were soon wet. She wouldn’t wake up because she had no heart now. He had to break her heart and the doctors had had to tear her clothes, he noticed, as he saw them in a mess on a chair.
Mat smiled at the thought of Forest’s outrage if she’d been awake, but it was short lived, as he stared at her again.
“Oh Forest.” He whispered as he gently put his hand to her cheek. He knelt down and took her hand, kissing it as his tears dripped onto her wrist.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you! Please don’t die. I’ll be so lonely and so guilty, but I’m too much a coward to kill myself. I need you Forest, my love.” As he continued to sob, a shadow slunk through the door.
Jonny had been on his way to finally confront Mat when he’d seen him rush off like a madman. It’d been incredibly tough to follow Mat as he ran to the hospital. He’d waited for Mat to leave the waiting room until he’d gone into the reception and inquired about why Mat was there. The woman at the desk had been very kind and she said Mat had been called as his wife had been found in a very bad state. Jonny told her that he was a close friend and after a few questions and various other things, she’d agreed to let him through.
So now, as he stood by the door unnoticed, the sight of Forest hit him straight in the heart.
Apparently she’d OD’d on painkillers, but she’d obviously been doing other stuff as well, she was so thin! Not at all like the Forest they’d all known and loved.
In fact, she was so thin that despite only being in the very early stages of pregnancy, a bump clearly protruded from her stomach where the baby, Mat’s baby, was curled up and fighting for survival.
It was his fault.
It was Jonny’s fault that this was happening.
He took a deep breath and stepped lightly towards Mat, who was just a crouched heap, clinging to Forest’s hand.
Slowly, gently, Jonny rested his palm on Mat’s shoulder blades. Mat spun round, still crouched and looked at Jonny with red, swollen eyes. He looked absolutely terrible.
“Jonny she’s, she’s, oh God, it’s all my fault.”
“No it’s not.” Jonny whispered.
“Yes it is! And don’t try and put the blame on yourself! She was my girlfriend, my fiancée, my wife; I’m the one who should have sorted it out. And Jonny, I’m sorry I dragged you down with me. I’m sorry you’ve got heart ache, but I need you here as my friend.”
“Always.” Jonny whispered again. His throat was tight; he couldn’t seem to form words very well.
Mat’s words didn’t comfort him or make him feel anymore innocent, Jonny was a part of this and he knew it. Shyly, he stepped closer the hospital bed, that omniscient beep of the heart monitor filling the silence, but it didn’t let slip any secret of Forest’s recovery. Jonny reached out and gently took the frail white hand and squeezed it. Leaning closer, he put his lips to Forest’s ear to offer his private apology.
“Please wake up Forest. Pull through this. I’d say I know how your broken heart feels, that I understand your pain, but that’d be foolish, because I can’t imagine a tenth of what you must be feeling. I know I’ve betrayed you, I know we have, but you shouldn’t punish us like this.” He turned his head a fraction to look at Mat, who resembled a mental patient as he rocked forwards and backwards in a curled up ball.
“He loves you, you know.” Jonny said. “He knows he’s been stupid, he knows fucked everything up. Please Forest, Foz, come back to us.” He looked at her still face then kissed her forehead. Jonny stepped back and sighed. Slowly, he left the room, stroking Mat’s hair as he passed him. He shut the door and then fell against it. After a moment, he went back to the waiting room, massaging his temples. He collapsed in an armchair and hung his head.
“This seat taken?” A voice asked.
“It’s yours.” Jonny said flatly, not raising his head. He heard the stranger calmly sit down on the chair, fabrics rustling.
“So what you here for?” the female voice asked.
“It’s a friend of mine. Kind of personal.”
“Oh, fair enough, I understand.” There was a brief silence as Jonny remembered his manners.
“What about yo-“ but he stopped as he finally looked at the girl next to him. She was gorgeous.
“Oh it’s my roommate. Got a bit too drunk and fell down the stairs. Might have broken something.”
“Shame.” Jonny said, entranced by this new beauty.
“So, have a name to go with that handsome face?” she smirked.
Jonny blushed, no longer the smooth expert with women he’d once been.
“I’m Jonny. You?” he stuttered.
“Me? Oh, my name’s Jessica.”