Seize the Day

"Baby?"

His voice is so gentle, contrasting greatly with his body. Muscles, tattoos, piercings. Yes, others are highly intimidated around him, but I fell for his softer side. Perfect smile with cute dimples, baby face, and warm eyes. However, looks are not everything of course. There are other reasons I love Matt.

"Yeah?" I called back softly, flipping the page of my current book while lying comfortably on the bed we share.

He walked into the bedroom shirtless, camcorder in one hand, a small white stick in the other. He was holding the stick out as if it reeked.

"Is this yours?" He questioned, lifting an eyebrow.

"Nope, Santa Clause was just checking." I joked.

"Well then there is nothing for him to worry about, because it says 'no'." He tossed it into the trash bin and wiped his fingers on his jeans.

"Sanders, you're such a pansy." I laughed, flipping onto my back to grin at him. He did not know that that pregnancy strip was old and the new one was in the box under the sink, waiting to be opened.

"Yeah?" Laughter sparkled in his eyes, bringing the camcorder to his face. "What other mean things do you have to say about the man who put that ring on your finger?" He raised both of his eyebrows.

My pointer finger tapped my chin jokingly. "Bring the camera closer because this is a secret between me and it."

Matt shrugged, walking closer, then climbed on top of me with the camera still directed in my direction. "You were saying?" He asked.

"Well, just between you and me," I pointed from myself to the camera and back, then whispered loudly, "he's really bad in bed."

"Hey!" Matt protested with a smirk, burying his face in my neck.

"Just kidding." I admitted, laughing lightly.

"Thought so." He smiled once more, leaning in for another kiss, camcorder watching our every move.

"My turn!" I grabbed the camera and pointed it at Matt. "So, tell me, what if Santa's little strip did say 'yes'?"

He pretended to think for a moment. "I would be the happiest man in the world. Even though I couldn't be any happier than I am now." The while time his eyes were on the camcorder.

"Smooth save." I laughed and attempted to push him off of me.

"Who said you can just get up and leave?"

"Spongebob." I chuckled.

He replied with the sticking out of his bottom lip.

"I'm not really going anywhere, I just have to use the bathroom before my bladder explodes." He huffed and rolled off, taking the camera back, beginning to flex for it.

"Give it up, you're no Arnold." I joked, shutting the door and reaching for the new box.

"I know. I'm younger, buffer, and much more better looking." His smirk was heard in his voice, making a chuckle escape my lips.

When I was done, I set the strip on the counter and washed my hands. Matt was talking to someone on the phone, but hung up shortly after. Before the question was asked, he answered.

"The guys are on their way over. We have something we have to do."

I just shrugged it off, concentrating on the time, and when I should go check.

Matt had gotten up and began to change. His black jeans, black shirt, and his normal black boots were lying out, waiting to be worn as he changed into each quietly.

"What are you getting all dressed up for?" I asked, giving him a playful wink.

"Oh, you know me. Always a reason to look good." He chuckled, then jumped as the doorbell rang as he was lacing up his last string. "Got it. Probably them anyways."

I nodded, looking at the time. This was it. The moment of truth. Stepping back into the bathroom, I picked up the stick and about swallowed my heart.

"Look out Santa, there's a new helper on the way." I took a second to compose myself before carrying myself and the big news downstairs.

"Boys." I greeted them, holding the strip to my side.

"Soon-to-be Mrs. Sanders." Zacky smiled.

Fraternal instincts being slow, or just plain ignorance, something just seemed to click. Matt was not the only one wearing all black. All five were.

"Are you going to a funeral?" I questioned, furrowing my brows then turning to Matt.

His eyes held something different. They always gave him away. His gaze fell to the floor.

"Matt, no. You really don't want to do whatever it is you're up to." I tried to reason with him, tears rushing to my eyes, knowing nothing good would come of it.

"Brian really needs the money. We won't get caught. I'll be back before the night ends." He dared a peck on the cheek, but nothing more, before walking to the door.

"Matt, please stay!" Anger began to rise, mixed with other emotions. He was the last one out the door, hand pulling it shut behind him.

"Matt!" I called, trying to rush to stop him before the door closed fully, but tripped and fell to the ground. The sound of the car pulling from the drive, drained every bit of energy I had toward getting up from me.

Surprisingly, enough ambition was found to drag myself onto the couch, clutching the one thing that I could have used to keep him home, but failed to bring up.

The news. The one thing I hate watching due to the violence and what not, but something inside me would not let me tare my eyes from the screen as it switched from one reporter to the next. Soon, I saw why.

A uniformed man was trying to wrestle a masked figure to the ground when another came running from the building, smashing into both figures. The first masked figure got away but the second was not so lucky as the cop cuffed the person, then pulled off the mask. The camera was met by hazel eyes, pierced lip, slicked back hair, and one very shameful looking baby face.

"Oh my god." Were the only words that escaped my lips before the moment I broke down.

A few days later, Matt was put into prison for armed robbery, along with a couple other charges, and I finally worked up the guts to go see him.

The only thing I took with me was that strip, held firmly in my fist.

I was seated and moments later, a very guilty Matt Sanders was lead in and seated across from me. I bit my lip and picked up the phone, taking in a shaky breath.

"Hey, baby." He began, testing out a smile.

"Don't call me that." I hissed. "I told you not to go, and look where you are now."

"I didn't think we were going to get caught. And I was thinking of Brian." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"But you didn't think of me, or us. Wow, thanks for making me feel like crap."

"I'm sorry." He sighed.

"Sorry doesn't help. You could have stayed, but you didn't. You didn't even give me a second to give you a reason to stay other than me."

"What? Huh? Other than you, I have nobody, except the guys."

"You want to know? This!" I slammed the strip against the glass so he could read what the results were. For a moment he was speechless.

"If I would have known, I would have told Brian no. This is not my fault. I didn't know." He muttered to himself.

"No, Matt. This is all your fault. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" I yelled.

"THIS IS NOT MY-" He began to yell back, but stopped when he began squeezing the receiver, pulling it away from his face a little to take a deep breath.

"You are the one at fault. You could have said no because you didn't want to, not because I'm pregnant!" My voice began to rise gradually.

"I'm sorry." Matt's eyes were starting to get wet, the moment he realized what he had just screwed up.

"No, I’m sorry. You're an ass hole." I growled the last part into the receiver before slamming it onto it's hook, and storming out without another word.

Back at the house, the rooms felt emptier than ever. Everything was left where they were the day Matt made his decision with the exception of my clothes. Inside one of the drawers, my escape. Quickly, I pulled it out and held it, looking it over.

"You made your decision, this is mine." Still holding onto it, I sat on the bed and turned the camcorder on and at me. "I'm sorry." Turning it off, I placed it on my lap and pulled the strip out of my pocket. A single tear escaped as I held the pistol to my temple and slowly tugged on the trigger.