Lana

There was a knock at the door, and then some screaming from the hallway.

“No! Lana! Put it down! You need to forget it! Don’t bring back your past! It’s not your fault! Lana! Open this door! Please! I’m trying to help you!” I realized it was Jazon, the only person in this entire world that understood how I felt at the moment. Even so, I didn’t open the door.

“Lana! Please! You can’t do this! Come on!” His voice was sounding desperate, more than usual, at least.

“Lana! You can’t do this to yourself! You have to forget it!”

I still refused to open the door. He can’t stop me, no, that was too late. I can’t forget it. There was no way. I’ve been holding it back for too long. I have to do this. I thought to myself.

Jazon’s voice was even more urgent this time, “Lana, I know that you don’t want to do this. I know that you feel as if you do need to do this, but you don’t.” Emphasizing the “don’t” as if that may get me to stop. “Lana, look, I’m sorry about what happened. But it wasn’t your fault! There was nothing anyone could’ve done! You have to believe that!” I tried to believe, I really did, but I just couldn’t. I felt as if it weren’t for me, then he would still be here today.

It should’ve been me, not him. He just did it to protect me. As soon as I thought that, I started to cry some more. Stop, crying does nothing. Be strong. You’ve survived through worse than this. Trying to comfort myself. It didn’t work. What am I saying? No I haven't. I've never lost someone like I lost him.

“Lana! Come on! Please, don’t do this. You know that there was nothing that you could’ve done!”

Yes, there was something I could’ve done. I didn’t have to hang out with him. I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

“Lana, you can’t keep blaming yourself, you just can’t.” There was a pause in his pleading, then he spoke again, but not to me. “Rick, go get Marina. She’s clearly not going to open this door, and Marina’s the only person who can get it open.”

Great, Rick was there and he’s off to get Marina, that’s just what I need right now. I thought, grimacing at the thought.

Minutes later, there was some more talking in the hallway. “Marina, great! Lana’s in there, and we need this door open. I don’t think she’s gone through with it yet, she must be thinking of why she was going to.”

Yes, I was thinking of why I was going to go through with this. It’s not that hard, just go through with it, I thought, still confused and a little angry with myself for not doing it yet.

There was a pause outside, and then Jazon simply said, “Jake.” As soon as he had said that, Marina had sped up with her attempt to unlock the door.

This is the problem with having a friend as smart as Marina with her opening locked doors skills.

I heard a click and knew that it was over. Marina had unlocked the door, and Jazon was going to run in here in just a matter of seconds. I was right. In roughly 2 seconds, Jazon was in here, grabbing my hands, and pulling me off of my bed, and then hugged me – or I should say, more of squeezed me.

I can’t lie, it felt nice. I had forgotten how warm his body was, and then I wondered why we had ever broken up in the first place. I started to cry some more, remembering that it had been Jazon that had comforted me through the time of losing Jake. Remembering that because of losing Jake, I had to break up with Jazon. I didn’t want to risk losing him like I had Jake.

We stayed like that for a few more minutes, him squeezing me and telling me that it was not my fault, and that there was nothing that I could’ve done, and that everything was okay. After those few minutes, he let go of me. I yearned for more, but knew that it was impossible.
“So, where is it?” I pointed to a box on the bed. “Lana,” he started, picking up the box,” you know that this brings back terrible memories, you know that when you look at this you go on your depressed stage. You know that. I know you know it. So please, don’t. I’m sorry that you lost Jake that way, but remember, that was a hard time for everybody, not just you. I lost my best friend. The football team lost their star player. Remember, it wasn’t just you that lost something.” He gripped my shoulders here, but not hard. “I know that he was really close to you, but you just can’t do this. If you go into your depressed mood, then we all will lose someone who always brightens up the mood, and someone who has always been a good friend, which will make everyone depressed.”

“Not Jessica,” I muttered. He must have heard this, for he laughed when I said that.
“Well, at least I know that you’re getting back to your old self.” He said with a chuckle.
I gave a weak smile, but had the sudden urge to talk to him by myself. He started for the door, but I called him back. Rick and Marina started to come back too, but I said that they could go.
Rick seemed hurt. It’s your own fault. I thought angrily. Rick had just broken up with me, and I didn’t dare talk to him for a while. Mainly because he was the one who made me think of Jake again.

I shook my head, getting back to what I was going to talk to Jazon about.

“Jazon?”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Well, I was just wondering, and not to be offensive or anything, but, what exactly do you see in Jessica?”

Jazon looked at me with shock. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer.” Looking down at the floor
“No, no it’s okay. I was just a little surprised that that was your question.” I smiled, looking back up at him.

“Hm, well, that’s a toughie. You know, I’m not exactly sure, but something about her.” He said, with thought in his voice. “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

I nodded, knowing fully well that he would never remember this question again.