Once Upon A Time, Back In Highschool

Too be honest the weekend went quickly, I spent the evening’s with Mr. Way in his room, listening to Blondie and talking about normal things. Pills never came up in our vocabulary and I soon forgot about them, instead trying to focus on my anxiety so I could have a proper sexual relationship with him, not some husk that was going to be led by my nerves. He was good though, patient and encouraging and we were both trying to find a date that fitted us both.

He’d come up with the best things to say in the worst of any situation and he made me feel good about myself, he me feel good generally.

“So… you wanna do it next week sometime?” Gerard asked nervously, “I don’t mind if you wanna wait a while. I mean we’ve only just kinda… well y’know ‘engaged’ in that way,” he chuckled, propping a cigarette in his mouth and lying back, doing nothing to cover up his unclothed body.

“I know that. I trust you. If you don’t wanna-“

“No, don’t think that. I do, very much so. You’re amazing and I’m sure you’d be amazing at that too,” he grinned, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette.

“Shut up,” I chuckled, pulling my underwear up my legs and crawling up next to him, “You shouldn’t smoke, it makes you short,” I joked, “Bilbo Baggins,” I snorted, lying flat on his chest.

“I’d rather be Bilbo than some one as useless as bloody Frodo. I mean he’s sucha dork. Sam could have just taken the ring with Aragon right?” Gerard laughed, “Frodo’s such an ass. He looks like he’s having a damn orgasm every time the ring get’s all annoying. That happens in Harry Potter too, y’know the movie? When he’s having bad dreams about Voldemort, he’s like ‘oh Voldemort, oh give it to me!’” Gerard yelled, sniggering as he did so, once again putting on a voice for his out take of Harry’s dream.

“Passer’s by are gonna think you’re having nasty dreams about Voldemort,” I snorted, coughing when I felt him push his cigarette into my parted lips, “Thanks for the lung cancer darling,” I joked passing it back to him.

“What?” he grinned, sitting up a little, “Come on Ren, I totally taught you how to smoke!” he grinned, “In,” he said, propping the cigarette back in my lips, I inhaled quickly, “And out, like sex,” he laughed, taking it back out of my mouth and putting it in his own, not noticing the ash that fell gracefully onto his chest.

“How’d you find today then? it was pretty cool when they showed us the newest issue of Wolverine,” I grinned, lightly jumping when he rested his hands on my bare stomach.

“I was so close to stealing it. It looked good as well,” he said. I nodded and played with his hands, going over every vein and dent in each pale finger, “You’re hands are huge,” I chuckled, “Hey where’d your ring go?” I asked, “The gold band.”

“Oh I told you, I met you, I don’t need it anymore,” he said, smiling.

“But it’s a family heirloom?” I said uncertainly, “You don’t just… take it off right?” I said, looking at him in the eye, “Gerard?”

“It wasn’t a family heirloom Ren. I just said that because I didn’t want you thinking I was married, don’t make a big thing out of it though, yeah?” he said, looking down at his chest and holding my hands in his own.

“Then why did you have a marriage ring on?-“ I began questioning.

“Ren, please don’t make a big thing about it,” he repeated.

“I wasn’t gonna make a big thing out of it, I just wondered is all,” I replied, sniffing and pulling my feet up under my thighs, still lying across his stomach. Silence fell through the room apart from the faint buzz of Heart of Glass that floated out form the speakers of the cheap radio Gerard had found in the wardrobe.

“So what did you think of my… uh oral skills?” Gerard laughed; in turn breaking the awkward silence. I chuckled and cocked my eyebrow at him. Laughing, I brought my hand up and flicked a piece of hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear.

“You were very good,” I laughed, “I’d say you get an A+ for that… I came on this weekend completely pure and virginal, now I’m only quarter uncontaminated,” I laughed.

“Boy, you started a ride when you met me didn’t you? In all honesty I feel like a bit of an idiot, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I actually can’t get over how crazy this is. Did you ever feel like you’d suddenly wake up and realise it was all just some whack ass dream? And then you’ll go into class the next morning and I’ll suddenly walk in? Do you ever think that? I always think that, like some thriller movie or something.”

“No, I haven’t but it’s a nice way to think of it,” I chuckled, “I think we should get some rest, we have the train ride tomorrow morning,” I said, having myself up and taking hold of the cover that was jumbled at the end of the bed. I pulled it over him and then climbed in the side myself, tucking myself under his awaiting arm. We both slid down and Gerard flicked the side light out, stilling allowing the small c.d player to roll on.

“I love you,” Mr. Way spoke into the darkness.

“I love you too,” I replied truthfully.

And it was the truth. On the marker I could not deny that I loved him.

I just couldn’t quite understand what was going through his head sometimes. He lied a lot, I new it must be for the right reasons and I wasn’t going to push him to tell me why he wore that gold band in the first place. It dug at me though. A lot.

“Do you really love me?” he asked.

“Yes Gerard, of course I do.”

“Okay,” he sighed and sunk down into the covers, his breath sending goosebumps to pierce my skin. I new he wanted to say something, his eyes were open I could see them through the dark. It felt weird like he was waiting for me to answer his un said question, like I was supposed to read his mind and tell him it was gonna be okay.

“What are you worrying about?”

“I don’t deserve you. And that’s sucha fucking cliché line to spout too. I’m only gonna you down Ren, you’re school work everything. I’m sucha bone head, I shouldn’t think about myself so much. Maybe we shouldn’t have kissed. Do you think some ones gonna find out about us? I hope they don’t.” he said, letting out a throaty sigh, I scowled. What was up with him? It felt like we were married.

“Gerard, just. -Shut up okay?” I said quickly, shaking my head and laying down on his chest, “No one is gonna find out. Don’t think like that, it freaks me out,” I finished, swallowing. He was silent for a few seconds, letting our laboured breathing fill the room.

“Could I tell Mikey?” he asked through the darkness. I twitched.

“Can he keep his mouth shut?” I asked eventually.

“Yes,” Gerard replied, I nodded into his chest.

“Knock yourself out then,” I sighed, closing my eyes and trying not to mull too many things over my head. I felt guilty; So guilty, I could tell he was sorry. He kept stroking my back and playing with my hair, trying to pluck a centimetre of my attention. Eventually I sighed and grabbed his head, laying it too peace on my stomach, “I love you,” I whispered quickly, kissing his parted mouth.