Once Upon A Time, Back In Highschool

Gerard took me to his car, opening the back door silently before dropping me in. I rounded away from him, pushing my face into the upholstery hoping he’d just get the message and leave me alone. He didn’t though; he crawled in and slammed the door with a shudder, laying down next to me whilst trying to draw my attention.

“Can’t you see I don’t even wanna look at up right now?” I asked, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, “Don’t you realise it’s not normal to try and drive us into a ditch?” I said, turning to face him before blinking the tears away, “You’re not normal,” I muttered.

“I know I’m not –but neither are you. Doll, come on. I just wanted to scare you alright? Yeah I took it too far with The Joker thing but I was only shitting you. I don’t know what I was thinking going that fast; I just wanted to feel that adrenaline-“

“Stop talking to me, I’m not just gonna forgive you that easily for tryin’a kill me,” I muttered, ignoring his arms that were slowly wrapping around my waist, “Get off me,” I seethed, pushing at them even though it wasn’t doing any good. Gerard rested his cheek against mine, softly trying to kiss his way back into my good books.

“Y’know after this fair thing I could show you that surprise, cheer you up a bit,” he murmured, purring softly against my ear.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I muttered,

“Yes, yes you are. Doll we love each other don’t we. We can get over this kinda shit. I know I’m a big shit head, I must eat a bowl of shredded shit for breakfast every day to get my stupid shitty shit levels up,” he said, gaining a small watery chuckle from me, “But I don’t mean it, I have a funny brain, okay? Everyone else brain is all gross and squishy and grey and dull. But mines like made out of solid fucking gold and my brain cells have like parades everyday and today the parade just seemed to crash.”

“Why are you talking about gold brains that have parades?” I mumbled.

“I don’t know. I just can’t think of a better way to explain it. I can just read brains. I can’t but I like to think I can. I’d say your brain was dark blue marble. And you have people flying around on these magic poles. And its always night time with the night train which is on water. Like you know on that movie? Miyazaki’s Spirited Away? When No Face and Chihiro go on that train, but it’s in the water? You have those all around you brain… that’s how all your brain cells travel around,” I murmured pulling strands of hair round and round his finger.

“I love that movie,” I mumbled, letting him pull me round so I was buried in his chest.

“Me too. I would love to live there. With you. We’d have a white marble staircase, entwined with black fairy lights and midnight blue wall paper. We’d have bare wooden floor boards but had loads rugs in the different shades of black, purple and blue. We’d also line the walls with those Japanese oriental lattern things and have lots of beams and balconies with spangly decorations,” he said, pulling me into a fantasy world.

He pulled his lips to my skin and kissed it twice, still murmuring how our house would look if we had all the money in the world.

“We could have servants as well, pet monkeys or something. With a white tiger lounging by the corner couch. I would get you everything I ever could. I’d buy you the moon if I could,” he whispered.

“Then why do you keep trying to hurt me?” I asked, staring at him. He stared back at me.

“I don’t know-“

“You do know you just won’t tell me,” I probed. He fell silent and closed his eyes, resting against the seat.

“Come on, let’s go to the Fair before it packs up,” he said, drawing up and clambering over the seats. I stayed in the back, my body joggling lightly with the car. He drove slowly, not daring to go over thirty five. I sat up when we were near the entrance, impatiently waiting for Gerard to park so we could go in, “Hey, hey, wait a second. Pout your mask on,” he chuckled. I pushed it on and he connected the clips at the back, “Hold my hand right, I don’t want you getting lost,” he chuckled, pulling are palms flush.

We walked around for a while, having a go on those stupid pick up machines that you can never seem to win. After eleven goes and $21 dollars Gerard eventually won a lopsided pink unicorn which he called Maggie –apparently short for Magenta.

“Hey! Candy Floss!” Gerard exclaimed, dragging me towards the machine.

“Gerard you’re gonna waist all you’re money,” I chuckled as he presented me with a huge stick of pink Candy floss with a few fake plastic spiders balancing unsteadily on top.

“So?” he grinned, “I’m treating you to everything here and right now I can seeing a massive teddy bear eyeing you up in that direction,” he grinned, nodding towards a stall.

Gerard acted like big kid the whole time. Scuttling around, going on everything he could and grinning obnoxiously every time an old person commented on how scary he looked. He was asked by loads of girls if they could have a picture with him and a few women asked what his name was –of course he said he was The actual Joker. He kept wrapping his arm round my shoulders as well, it made my stomach twist with pride when he’d tell some gorgeous girl that he was already taken.

“Uh sure?” Gerard laughed when a girl around my age asked for a picture, I chuckled and stood behind, waiting for his five minutes of fame to be over, “I swear I’m born to dress up,” he chuckled in my ear, slinging his arm round my hips as he sauntered away, “Jeez? Did you see that girl she was like fifteen and she was a mini prostitute,” he whispered, his eyes suddenly lighting up when he saw one of those Childs Tea Cup rides, “Oh Doll -come on, you gotta go on it with me, please!” he begged, leaving me no choice.

The ride was gold, and decorated with different coloured tea cups, a small dotting of red, blue and green lights outlining the edges of each. Gerard walked up to a bearded man and tug out in his pocket, pulling out a wad of notes and passing them to the man who began counting out the correct money. I felt Gerard’s hand enclose my around my own and he squeezed it before giggling childishly.

“Me and Mikey used to love these things,” he said, his smile faltering for a second as we went on. His face fell sombre, “We used to go with mom and dad… y’know before they split,” he said, his eyes looking glassy as he sat down.

I swallowed as I watched him purse his lips as to stop crying.

“Why so serious, G?” I asked in his ear, pressing my lips to his skin for a second. He chuckled lightly and let his arm slither round my hips.

Suddenly the ride started up and Gerard forgot his previous mood as quickly as it had started. I’ll never forget his face the whole time; even if he was dressed as The Joker he looked genuinely happy –like he was in his own little world happy. Everything about him was child like and true. It reminded me of when you’re a kid and even if your two front teeth are missing you’ll still smile opened mouthed.

His eyes gleamed and came to life beneath his mask. And I realised that Gerard was just a man, with a mask and a story.