Andy, You're A Star

I hate airplanes.

I hate them and everything about them.

Here's why: I'm terrified of heights, and of course I got stuck with a window seat. I sat next to an old man that smelled faintly of body odor and Bengay. He fell asleep halfway through the long flight, his head lolling to the side and resting on my shoulder. I tried to wake him up, and he started snoring and drooling on my arm. I was so disgusted that I stood up and hurried to an unoccupied bathroom to wash the saliva off my arm.

When I got back, the old man was leaning the other way, on his wife's shoulder. I sighed and took my seat, putting on my headphones and listening to the CD that Oliver made me before I left. I had the first track on repeat; it was Oli talking, explaining the CD. He had recorded it to his computer and converted it to an MP3, before burning it onto the CD with several songs that we had listened to together or that he knew I loved.

"Oi, Oli here. Made you this CD because I know your flight is probably gonna be brutal. These songs will hopefully make it less dreadful; when I was choosin' 'em, I thought of the way your face changed when you listened to 'em. And this way I'll be with you wherever you go. As long as you want me, I'm there. I love you, Andy. Come home soon," he finished, and then it started over again.

Listening to his voice made my eyes sting and had me struggling to keep my composure. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next three months, but I had made this decision for a reason.

More than I needed Oli, I needed to know that I was the person he needed too. And right now I wasn't. I hoped that would change by the time I returned.

Being on this aiplane for hours at a time was good for one thing; it gave me a lot of time to think. I really got to dissect everything that was worrying me for the past few weeks.

Like how unlikely it was that Oli would really be able to wait for me until I got back. Three months was a long time, no matter how much he loved me. When I got back, he would have a new girl in all probability, and I would have to fight to win him back. Of course, I was assuming that Oli wasn't as stubborn and iron-willed as I have come to know him as over the past months. He never had a problem with staying loyal to me then, but that was when I was actually there with him.

And also, I got a good chance to sort out my feelings for Oli. Maybe I didn't love him at all. I me, I've never experienced anything close to real love before, so maybe this was just a case of obscenely vivid infatuation. I had nothing to base my feelings off of. It didn't seem logical though; the idea of me falling in love with the first person I ever really dated was very far off for me. How would I know if Oli was the right person for me, if I never experienced anyone else?

So I came to this conclusion, overall: I am not in love with Oliver Sykes.

At least, not yet.

Granted, he did make my heart pound and my blood race, but that hardly proved anything aside from my physical attraction to him.

So I would stay away and change myself for the better, and hope that Oli would accept the new me with open arms.

At first, my intent was to change so that Oliver would like me, but after pondering it on the plane, I realized that I needed this change more than anything. I needed to become the confident, beautiful, smart person that I had the potential to be, before I lost my motivation.

I was thankful when a voice came over the speaker and announced that we would be landing the LAX airport very shortly. We were instructed to refasten our seatbelts, and soon after, we touched down. I pulled my carry-on bag out from the overhead compartment and put it over my shoulder before hurrying to get out of the plane. I wanted my feet on solid land as soon as possible.

The first thing I'd noticed was the intense heat curling off the pavement; a direct result, no doubt, of the baking sun that was undiluted by clouds. It was a wonderful change from the overcast skies and constant downpour that was an everyday occurance in England.

It didn't take long for me to find Daniel; he was standing right by the gates with a small smile on his face, talking quietly on his phone. He spotted me almost instantly and waved me over, smiling wider now.

"...We'll be home soon, sweetheart. See you soon," he finished saying, before shutting his phone and stuffing it in his pocket. He held his arms open to me, and I hugged him tightly for the first time in almost three years.

Daniel definately took after our mother, just like I did. He was very thin and quite a few inches taller than myself. He had very dark brown hair and dark eyes, long fingers that he used to play brilliant music on the piano, and an infectious smile.

I loved my brother a lot; it hurt when he moved out of the house (let alone the country). He was a wonderful person, extremely talented, and the sweetest when it came to girls. Daniel had the ability to love people unconditionally, and I trusted that he was doing to same with me.

He'd told me before he agreed to allow me to live with him for the summer that he lived with his long-time girlfriend Carrie, and that they had a lot of parties. I'd told him something like, "Oh please, Daniel. I'm not as naive as one might think." He'd laughed and continued to tell me about Carrie. She was a photographer; a rather famous one in L.A., or so he told me. I didn't need to know much, just that Daniel was in love with this girl, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. It was enough for me. As long as Daniel was happy, I could put up with anything.

"Carrie is excited to meet you," he said in my ear, and I was a little bit disappointed to find that his accent was dwindling. It only made the reality of the situation more harsh; he hated our parents and England and everything that was there (excluding me). He'd said before he left that he would never go back, and so far he's stayed true to his word.

"Well, let's not keep the lady waiting then," I grinned, pulling back, and he looked at me for a long time, shaking his head slowly.

"You've grown up a lot, Andy. You're still short though," he snickered, putting his arm around my shoulders affectionately as we walked to his car. I scowled; I hated being called short.

On the car ride home, I filled Daniel in about my life while carefully avoiding everything that had to do with our parents and Annie. He's never even met his youngest sister, and I suspect that it doesn't bother him as much as it should. He's excluded himself from our family entirely aside from me, and I didn't expect him to change for Annie.

He laughed loudly when I told him that I hadn't been living at home for the past few months.

"Where've you been staying then?" he asked, and I hesitated.

"At Oli's," I answered, and his laughter died out.

"Who's she?" he wondered, but his tone told me that he knew Oli wasn't a girl.

"He...is actually my boyfriend," I said quickly, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

"You're staying at a GUY'S house?" he yelled, stuggling to keep his eyes on the road.

"Um. Yeah," I squeaked, and I could hear his breathing go a little ragged.

"I can't believe your mother and father are allowing that," he hissed through gritted teeth, and winced at his referal to our parents as just my parents.

"Well they didn't really have a say in it," I said, starting to feel defensive.

"You ran away?" he asked and I nodded once.

"Why?" his voice was calmer now; Daniel was known to have momentary outbursts, but they never lasted very long.

"Why did you leave?" I snapped, and he looked kind of startled. It wasn't fair that he was able to run away and abandon me without an explaination, and I wasn't.

"I couldn't stand it there, you know that."

"Yeah, well, neither could I," I sighed, looking out my window. I heard him sigh too, before we pulled into the driveway of a huge apartment complex.

"Here we are," he said, and got out of the car, hurrying around to get my two suitcases. I didn't bring much clothes, because I wouldn't be needing very many if I were going to be buying new ones. In the suitcases were mostly toiletries and blankets and the few pairs of new clothes I'd bought in England.

All I had left to carry was my backpack that held my cell phone, my CD player, and all my CD's.

I met Carrie, and she was very cute. She had pretty auburn hair and a kind, round face. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight. I hugged her back reluctantly, but I could tell that she was really excited to meet me.

"It's so good to finally put a face to your name, Andy. Dan talks about you all the time," she laughed, and her voice was high and soft. I could see what Daniel had found so appealing about her. She was little, but still taller than me, and she wasn't stick thin like I was. She was rounder, softer around the edges, but it suited her well. I wished that I could look that way; my metabolism kicks my ass though, preventing me from gaining weight no matter what I eat.

It didn't take me very long to get all of my stuff into my new room (the former guest room). It was little, but it was cozy and I liked it a lot.

After I'd finished with all of that, I went downstairs and found Daniel and Carrie snuggled on the couch, watching some movie.

"Hey kid," Daniel smiled affectionately, and I felt a bout of reminissions coming. He used to call me 'Kid' when we were younger whenever he was irritated. I could remember a time though, when mum and dad were off on business, and I was crying because I missed them, and Daniel came into my room around midnight and pulled me into his lap. "What's wrong, kid?" he asked, before he started rocking me back and forth. He didn't need an answer, though. He knew that them being gone was hard; he understood better than anyone.

I smiled at the memory before speaking.

"Dan, do you think that I could use your car? I've got go get a new phone," I asked, and he hesitated for a moment, before looking down at Carrie. She was focused on the movie though, and he debated a little longer. Sighing, he jestured to the key rack hanging near the door.

"The keys are over there. Third row down, first peg. Drive carefully, please," he said, focusing his eyes on the telly again.

My mum, against my dad's wishes, gave me a debit card that she said she would check on and refill every few days. I told her it really wasn't nessecary, but she wouldn't hear it. She'd told me that my dad and she had been waiting for a chance to give it to me, and that there was no better time than now. I guess it made sense.

Mum told me there was about a grand on there right now. My mum was always more generous than my dad, and I guessed that she'd convinced him by saying that it was all of my allowance that I'd earned by keeping the house running while they were away.

It was kind of true, though.

Anyway, I was going to get a new phone. My old one had a UK number, which wouldn't work here in the U.S. I also planned on getting my hair cut and dyed, buying a few new outfits, and finding a new pair of shoes. But the phone was first, because I had to call Oli soon.

I went to the Fox Valley Mall and found the T-Mobile store. Instantly, an overly happy salesman hurried over to me and asked me if I needed any assistance.

After an hour of arranging and debating, I walked out of the new store with a brand new black Sidekick LX. The man had assured me that when I moved back to England, I would be able to just change the number and keep the same phone, which is what made me decide.

Next, I went to Foot Locker in search of new shoes. My converse, though I loved them, were far past their state of usefullness. I found the perfect pair and fell in love with them instantly. They were metallic baby blue Nike Dunks with a white swoosh and black toes and laces. There were two pairs left; a size 13 and a size 6. I got more excited as I continued; I wore a size 6 (I've got tiny feet, obviously because I'm a small person) and they fit perfectly when I tried them on. Also, they were on clearance. Instead of being one-hunderd twenty dollars, they were sixty.

Now, in case you've never tried, finding a pair of Nike Dunks for half-off is hard enough. Which makes it pretty damn close to impossible to find a pair that you like, and that fit you.

I grabbed the box and paid for them as fast as I could. I was really enjoying this whole American shopping experience. And malls in L.A. are way bigger than the ones back in Sheffield.

Thinking about Sheffield made me think of Oli.

"Shit," I muttered, pulling out my sidekick and dialing Oli's number.

It rang four times, and I was about to hang up, but it was answered at the last second.

"'Ello?" It was Tom.

"Tom? It's Andy. Where's Oliver?" I asked, my stomach twisting.

"He's....I don't know. How was your flight, poppet?" he asked, giggling slightly. I had forgotten that they were eight hours ahead of L.A. time. Which made it around midnight there, which meant that they were probably drunk.

"It was awful, Tommy. So um...why do you have Oli's phone?" I asked, and then there was a loud yell that I couldn't make out before the phone was traded to someone else clumsily.

"Andy?" the voice asked, and my heart stuttered and picked up at double it's normal rate.

"Oli," I breathed, and heard him laugh. He didn't sound drunk, he sounded tired. I weaved my way through the loosely scattered crowds of people, trying to make my way to Zumies, while I listened to Oli's voice.

"How're you, babe?" he asked before yawning. It was hard to hear him over the loud music in the background, but after a few moments it was quiet and I could hear him breathing.

"Been better, I guess. The plane ride was worse than I thought it would be. Your CD helped though," I smiled, and I could hear him laugh quietly.

"I'm glad. Are you at Daniel's right now? I didn't recognize the number," he said, and I forgot that I wasn't on my old phone.

"Oh, no. I'm in the mall. I got a new phone. Very fancy and expensive. Guess it was a good thing that my mum gave me that debit card," I laughed shakily. I felt a little light headed, but it was probably because my heart was still hammering. I could hear each beat echoing in my ears.

"Very nice. I miss you. Not even fun to get drunk when you're not here," he sighed, and my smiled faded. I could see him laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling and talking to me, playing with a chunk of his hair. I was getting very distracted from my surroundings; I ran into a mother and apologized quickly before sighing myself.

"I miss you too. I don't think I'll make it three months," I lied. I knew I would have to make it the whole three months if I wanted to be different when I went back. I desperately wanted to be able to be genuinely happy and not worry about Oli running off with another girl when I went back, and I wouldn't be able to attain that unless I suffered through these months without him.

"Nonsense, Andy. If anybody can take themselves away from everyone they love for months at a time and benefit from it, it's you. Though I wouldn't complain if you did come home early."

"It's very late, Oli. I should let you sleep," I insisted after hearing him yawn loudly.

"Can't get any sleep until Tom gets these ponces' out of the house. But I bet you'd like to look around without me distractin' you, so I'll get off the phone."

I sighed. He was being pouty, I could hear it in his voice.

"Just call me in the mornin'. We'll talk more then," I told him, and he agreed.

"Love you, sweets," he yawned again after saying this, and I held back a smile.

"I love you too, Oli. Talk to you soon," I told him, before we said our goodbyes, and hung up.

I sighed, sliding my phone into my bag just as I walked into Zumiez. The kid behind the counter who looked to be about my age smiled and greeted me.

"Can I help you find anything?" he asked, pushing a chunk of jet black hair out of his eyes. It reminded me of Oli's hair, except longer and less neat.

"Actually, I'm just lookin' around. Thanks anyway though," I smiled, and he grinned wider. I don't know if it's because I'm British, or what, but he watched me with the same look that Oliver got on his face before he told me how beautiful I was or something else that would make me blush.

I ignored him for the most part, and went back to the shelves of jeans. It didn't take long for me to pick out a few pairs that I liked. I had about five pairs, and then I went to look at the shirts. I picked up a long sleeve black and white horizontal striped thermal, a black shirt that said "Do Work" in big gold, foiled letters, and a light blue baby-doll tank top. I couldn't hold anymore in the hand that didn't have my footlocker bag in it, and I didn't know what to do until the cashier with the jet black hair came over.

"I can put these up front until you're ready, if you'd like," he offered, and I smiled at him.

"That'd be great, thanks love," I handed him the stuff and watched as he went back behind the counter with my pile of clothes.

He had on a black The Refused shirt and tight stonewash gray skinny jeans, and on his feet were a pair of high top Nike Dunks, much like the ones that I'd just bought. Instead of blue, they were gold.

"No problem. I'm Jeremey. What's your name?" he asked after I'd turned to look in the case of sunglasses.

"Andy," I answered absently; I was very focused on looking at the sunglasses. There were a lot of them, and it was hard to choose. I sighed, standing up. It wasn't like I needed anymore things; I was already getting a lot, and I could order more off the internet, where there would no doubt be a better selection.

I looked around one more time without moving from where I stood, before walking over to the counter and digging through my bag for my wallet, pulling out my sidekick as well. I had a new text from Oli.

"All set?" Jeremey asked, and I nodded before he started ringing up my stuff. I flipped open my sidekick and read the text.

Tom won't tell everyone to leave. :[[

I smiled, texting him back quickly, before looking up at Jeremey.

"What's the damage?" I asked, and he smiled, showing my total to me on the screen. I whistled quietly, shaking my head. I was glad that my mum had put a lot of cash on that card. I had just spent almost half of it, and I wasn't even in town for a full day. After my hair appointment, it would probably be around four-hundred dollars spent. It was a one time shopping trip, though. I didn't really favor crowded malls, and this place was making me claustrophobic.

"Here you are," I handed him the card, and he scanned it.

"Can you tell me how much I've got left on there?" I asked after he handed it back, and he clicked a few buttons before informing me that I had a little over seven hundred left. I smiled and stuffed the card back into my wallet, before dropping it into my tote.

"Aye, could you tell me where the best place to eat around here would be?" I inquired as he handed me my bag, and he thought for a moment.

"Any preferences?"

"I'm a vegan."

"Yikes, it's hard to find good vegan food joints around here...hmm. There's a place in the west wing of the mall, it's called "Gretchen's" and they've got a pretty good vegan menu," he informed me, and I thanked him. Before I could start to leave, he stopped me and asked for my number.

I smiled and swiveled open my phone so that I could check. Before I told him my number, I said "I've got a boyfriend back home. I'm only here for the summer, so I don't want you thinking that there's gonna be anythin' more than friendship."

"That's cool. We can still be friends," he grinned, and I read him my number, before he told me his. I punched it into my phone and saved it, before sliding it shut and putting it into my front pocket.

"See you around," I smiled, and he waved before I left the store, deciding to just go home and eat.

It would be a lot cheaper for me, and probably a little easier than trying to find my way to Gretchens.

When I got home, I took my stuff up to my room and went to the kitchen to find some food.

A few hours later, I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. My chest ached and my muscles were throbbing. Silent tears were streaming from my eyes, and I could hardly read any of the texts that Oliver was sending me because my vision was all blurry.

It was harder than I thought, laying here without Oli. It was a cold and lonesome experience. I had grown so accustomed to having Oli there with me, and it made my head hurt to think that he was thousands of miles away from me.

Maybe I really wouldn't make it through these three months.

Maybe I wasn't as strong as Oliver thought I was.

I just didn't know.