Like A Thorn Of The Rose

The worst thing is to be miserable about one person that you suddenly notice one day and from that very moment you realize that you meet that person so often. You start questioning yourself why this person? You have this weird feelings then...

So, imagine you suddenly find yourself looking around the school corridors in hope to see that person passing by. The person that makes you feel so different all of sudden. Then you realize you have a crush on that person, but you got no idea why you're falling for person you don't know. What next? You look at that person all the time. More often than before. When he notices you think:

Is it possible that he likes me?

Maybe he thinks I have a crush on him?

Was he looking exactly at me?

Would he walk up to me and maybe talk?

And there are even more questions, which I won't write here cos it would take me a lifetime to write it all.

If you're as shy as me and such a loser at all this date me stuff, then you'll choose the worst scenario, pessimistic or think it's impossible. You're so paranoid then. What exactly would a guy like him see in me? Let's face it. Normal girl, which don't belong to any subculture. Wavy brown hair, brown-green eyes. Not popular. An invisible no name to the society. Jackie Black to her beloved friends. Just a few that is.

But Billie Joe Armstrong was a punk. Popular among the girls, because of his looks. He was once in a football team. I even heard something about him playing in some band. I completely didn't know him. Couple of days ago I even didn't know his name and now.. well, I guess that's only me who never know most of the things going on around..

I didn't know he existed till the day I noticed him looking at me for a little while. Then I saw him more often and I liked meeting him.. I wanted to see him. Slowly I was falling for him. I wished he'd come up to me and we'd talk or something.. Silly wishes. But the day when I realized how much I fell for him was one of that busy days when you're falling asleep while walking and you're nervous about anything.

I was searching for some book in my locker when I heard his voice behind me, screaming something to his friend. I was frozen. My hands were shaky and my knees weak. Stupid, isn't it? No guy had an effect like that on me. My cheeks were burning and I'm sure it was visible from miles away. I guess that should work the other way.. It's the guy who should ran after a girl, not the opposite. In my case it simply doesn't work. Well, so.. I didn't know what he screamed. All I cared was getting away from that place, when I realized they were talking something about me. Then I felt even more nervous. They laughed about something and I couldn't get that damn book from below the others. Finally I managed to get it and go away as fast as I could, feeling that my legs would give in any minute. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot! I'm so stupid!

That was it. Then I didn't see him for two days. It changed when me and my friends: Paula and Kate, went to the lunchroom. Not to eat, but to finish our project. Not too far away from us sat Billie and his friends. Automatically, I looked down. I always did when some guy I liked looked at me, noticed me. My cheeks were already a little red, my heart was beating a little faster. And he was jut sitting not so far away, talking with his friends.

"Ho! Ho! your face looks so... red." Kate chuckled "Jackie's in love!"

"Shut up!" I hissed and looked at Billie Joe, who was laughing at his friends acting like a pro clown.

"Oh. So that's your love object that you're thinking about all the time?" Paula asked, following my gaze.

"Not all the time." I defended myself and looked at the girls. "I know I'm stupid. It's not like I have a chance, right?"

"Well,.." Kate said looking helplessly at Paula.

"You won't even smile at him! You don't do anything to get to know him... acting like you always do.. you'll get nowhere with this crush."

"Easy to say." I muttered crossing my arms.

"But you ignore him. If he said 'hi', you still would look at the ground." Kate said shrugging her shoulders.

"Yea, yea.." I rolled my eyes. "But that's the type of the guy that would never look at girls like me!"

"He didn't? He noticed you last time when you was wearing all red. Who wouldn't?!?!?!" Kate exclaimed, standing up and throwing her hands into the air. I looked at Billie Joe, who was looking at us amused. I looked away quickly.

"Thanks, Kate. Now he did notice us... Just awesome."

"Instead of being so pissed, smile at him and world will be thankful." Paula said in bored tone, writing something down in her book.

"But, no, seriously. You should smile more often. You look always so depressed." Kate said. I crossed my arms and looked away from my friends.

"Yea, I really got an interesting life... I should be laughing all the time and look like a crazy idiot."

"And stop calling yourself an idiot." Paula added.

***

"Hey, dude, that girl is seriously having a huge crush on you." Mike smirked.

"Yea. I noticed. Too bad she's not my type." Billie said with a sigh.

"Poor girl." Trè shook his head slightly. "Oh, yea, and she'll be so disappointed. Life's a bitch!"

"Aw!...Trè. Don't make me feel guilty!" Billie looked at the girl, who looked quiet uncomfortable, when their gaze met.

He smirked and looked back at his friends.

***

I shoved couple of books into my locker and closed it, gasping with shock when I saw him, smiling at me.

"Um, can I....help you?" I said in tiny almost inaudible voice, not taking my eyes off of his green ones.

"I guess not." he said with a sigh.

"Oh, well." I smiled weakly, ready to leave. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I told myself as I was slowly walking away.

"Actually," I stopped and turned to face him. "I got a question."

"Yes?"

"I noticed you looking at me quiet often, so.." I winced and thought that I knew what was coming.

"Hey! I wasn't looking at you..." he scoffed at me.

"But you think I'm pwetty! Right?" he winked.

"What?" I asked, feeling paralyzed.

"Would you like to... go out with me?"

I stared at him with mouth slightly open as he was smirking at me, waiting for reply. Should I? Maybe.. he's not serious? He? All of guys... I can't.. he's not serious.. he can't be..

Before I could stop myself I heard myself say in a half whisper "You.. Are you s-serious?"

"Of course!" he grinned. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just thought that... Never mind." I shook my head and smiled slightly.

"So, tomorrow after school?"

"O-okay." I smiled back at him.

"Billie! There you are! I was looking for you for a good 15 minutes!" some girl walked up to us. She was wearing all this cool, punky clothes. There were red highlights in her hear, her eyes rimmed with heavy eyeliner.

"Sorry, baby." He kissed her softly and wrapped his arms around her. "I was just talking with this girl here.."

I felt as someone kicked me in the stomach or hit me with a baseball bat. I backed away and hastily walked away from the two, trying to hold back my tears. I'm such a fool, huh?

"Don't forget about tomorrow! I'll be waiting!" I heard him yell. Then while later laughter of them both.

It was the most horrible moment in my life. The joke was so evil and as I got to the girls bathroom, tears were already streaking down my face.

How could I be so stupid? Guy like Billie Joe don't even notice girls like me.. Yeah. I was so stupid to think he would go out with me. Why the hell I didn't realize he was joking? Making fun of me?

The next day I avoided all places I could possibly meet him. He made me realize how bad I really felt about all this failures... and my low self-esteem reached the bottom. I felt so depressed. So .. unimportant.

"Hey, you!" I heard a voice behind me and tears welled up in my eyes.

"Go.away."

"I just wanted to talk, gees..."

"Yea, another silly joke? Another way of making me feel any worse?"

"Well, no!" he replied, turning me to face him. "Why the hell you left all of sudden?" I looked at him disquietingly.

"I can't believe it. You.. you still keep on making fun of me. You know what? Fuck off! It's just... I regret I ever .. noticed you! You're such an asshole!" I pushed him away from me and then slammed the doors of my locker. "You're not worth my time."

"Oh, really? Lie yourself. Yesterday you had a huge crash on me, huh?" he smirked.

"So what?!" I glared at him. "You got a test subject to treat like... trash?!"

"No. But I guess you also didn't understand me right. I didn't mean to make fun from you."

"Of course not. You just happened to confuse me with somebody else. You don't even know my name. So, now, if you could just leave me alone it would be really nice!"

"Fine, I just wanted to get to know you." he shrugged. "You're not even my type."

"Glad about it!" I glared. It still hurt to look at him or even hear this now.. not his type? OK.. "And if you say so.. you started this acquaintance the wrong way." I said walking away from him.

That's it. I'd rather stay away from him then be his friend. He made fun of me in such a bad thing for me.. I didn't need to know people like him. No happy endings... that only happen in fairy tales. Not for me. I hate people making fun of me. I just can't look at them and be friendly after something like this... I knew he didn't want to be my friend. I was sure about this.

Like I said once to my friends.. love is like a thorn of the rose.