When I Go Out I Want To Go Out On A Chariot Of Fire

“There's a lightning storm each and every night
Crashing inside you like motorbikes”

It’s funny how lyrics pop to mind at different situations. The sun was high in the sky for such even at this hour; the light tickled and pained my skin wherever it managed to gain contact. I know sort of understood everything that was happening to me slowly things changed but I grew accustom to them I just wish I wasn’t one of those ‘special’ people as it had been put.
Why couldn’t I have just died at least I could be with my mother.
A smell filled the air as a wash of slight relief followed by a deathly craving set in. screams sounded as people lay about trying to realise themselves from such a accident… it was an accident I had been sat here for a while now but as I felt the need to rush over and fees, I turned and walked away. People screaming for someone to help save them and their loved ones yet I still walked because anything I may do will make things worse, yet I was sicken to death with myself.

The key clicked as it turned in the lock and the front door swung open.
“Fucking hell Chris, what happened?” I looked at the room full of familiar faces
“I wanted to watch the sunrise,” mumbling I walked past them and sat the far side of the room near the netted window, which was all that prevented me from burning to nothing.
No Peter sat among those faces in my front room, I felt disconnected and wrong… and for some reason this led me to ignore, but it appeared as thou he was avoiding me to so it wasn’t all bad.
“We were going out drinking later, you want to join us,” a small shake of my head and the room fell once again into that deathly silence. It wasn’t like me to crash a party or anything but I seemed to kill ever mood but I didn’t feel like me anymore I wasn’t me…

Everyone was gone by midday and I had lost all will to live in the last few days so badly that I wasn’t even going to go all wanna be ‘emo’ and self harm… frankly I was to lazy and what harm could it do to someone like me…
“It cant be that bad can it… I’m not exactly dead.” I mumbled to my coffee as I watch the now practically cold liquid slosh around my mug.
Flicking open my phone a photo gazed back at me… Peter, did my ignorance mean I was going to lose him, I’m not even sure If I care enough.
The calming sound of the phone ringing in my ear began, a guy answered but not the familiar one I had rung.
‘Hello’ it rang in my ear
“Err hi,” I mumbled, “where’s Bob?”
‘Well that’s a funny story’, whoever was on Bobs phone started laughing, a small smile spread across my lips ‘anyway who am I talking to’. He said still with laughter before adding ‘your missing hell of a laugh here.’
Shouts in the background indicated that some sort of commotion was going on.
“Chris… ummm Stacey his…”.
‘ohhhh I know you… well I don’t you but I heard a lot about you… hey guys its his sister think we…”. A slight girly scream filled the handset
‘Hey Chris,’ The sound of that voice was a relief and I must have physically sighed heavily ‘what’s up with that sigh then hoe,’
“Nothing really I’m just feeling awkward here.”
‘You guys argue?’ for my big brother it was weird how much concern actually was noticeable in his voice.
“Sort of.” I muttered nervously whilst scratching my neck “I was sort of wondering when I would see you next.”
The phone went silent except of the muttering of voices in the background.
“In the few weeks”. his voice groaned as the first voice sounded back in my ear…